Tattoos and Tears
by Carowen
Summary: Sequel to Preacher' s Daughter. The world has been tossed in chaos and along with it Bobbi Jo's life. After being separated from Daryl, she sets out to reunite her family, Ending will be AU from the show. Daryl/OFC, Merle, S1/S2 TWD Cast - POV Daryl/OFC
1. After

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 1: After

We had been heading to Atlanta when Merle got word that the place was overrun, that the geeks and rotters had taken down the help centers.

It only took us a few days to find a place to stay, a group of survivors had made a camp in the woods, near a quarry. It was simple, but it provided what we need, food, shelter and more guns.

Making camp away from everyone else was fine with me; I really didn't want to be around people anyway. As I make a fire, Merle walks up to me grinning. "Hey little brother, these assholes are ripe for the pickin. Tell ya what, we'll wait till they get comfy with havin us around then we'll wipe'em clean. You can't trust anyone out here but me, understand that? It's us against all of this … fuck'em I say."

Merle had his mind made up, we were gonna stay here for now, but as soon as the opportunity came, we'd take the guns, ammo and food and split. I was fine with that, everything and everyone I gave a shit about was gone.

The man I was now was someone I didn't even recognize. I woke up just as pissed off and angry as I did when I went to sleep. Merle was right about one thing, it was him and me against the world.

The night before I set out on a hunt one of the people from camp comes up to me. The gray haired man walks up, his fingers scratching at his gray beard. The stupid hat on his head makes me chuckle as I clean my crossbow. "What the hell ya want?"

"Just thought you'd want something to eat." He hands me a bowl of food, my eyes narrowing at him.

"Nah … I'm good." I go back to my crossbow, hoping he'd just leave.

He sits down by the fire, placing the bowl beside me. The look on his face reminds me of every look I'd gotten from my father in law, Robert's face flashing in my mind.

"You don't have to be out here by yourself, the group doesn't bite." He tries to make a joke, placing his hands on his knees.

"No, but I might." I gruff back at him, cocking the string back on my crossbow.

He extends his hand to me, waiting for me to shake it. I look back at him, my face like stone. "I don't need friends."

"I'm Dale, but I told you that before. Daryl … we need to work together to survive out here. You and your brother ain't exactly been the friendly type, but I'd hoped you'd at least join us for dinner tonight." Dale withdraws his hand, his eyes studying me.

I pick up a bolt, holding it tight in my hand. Rising from the dirt, I point the bolt at him. "We don't need anythang from you people. We'll do our part, but that's it."

Dale stares back at me, his eyes lingering on my left hand. "I know hurt and loss when I see it. You don't fool me son, you're hurting."

Tucking my hand behind my back, I turn to walk away from him. "I'm goin huntin in the mornin … you don't have to worry about me."

I feel his hand on my shoulder, my body going stiff. "Who's B.J.? Apparently she meant something to you for you to have her initials tattooed on your finger."

Bobbi Jo and Beryl's voices echo in my mind, their faces seeping back into my memory. I feel the chains around my heart rattle, the cold, icy cage around it starting to crack.

"Don't you mind who it is … mind yer own damn business … old man!" I shout at him, waving my bolt in his face.

Before Dale leaves, he gives me one more word of advice. "I lost my wife too, I miss her every day. Don't let that eat away at you son, it will consume you."

I pick up my crossbow and walk away from him. That night I dream of Bobbi Jo and Beryl, my happy dreams turning dark before I wake. I see my sweet ginger walking towards me, her eyes yellow and her body decayed and broken.

Waking up in a sweat, my breath coming out ragged, I take my crossbow and head out to the woods with the sun starting to wake the world.

* * *

We had driven all night, Sam looked like ten miles of bad road and I knew we had to stop and rest soon. We pull up to a gate, a large chain and lock around it. "Sam, what are you doing?"

"Getting in." He pulls a key from his pant pocket, smiling at me. Beryl wakes, rubbing her eyes.

I poke my head back out the truck window, watching as he opens the gate. He trots back to the truck, pulling it just inside. "Why are we here Sam?"

"I'll explain everything. Just stay tight until I get the gate closed back." He leaves again, closing and locking the gate back behind us.

We ride up the gravel and dirt road, the road twisting and turning until we it comes to a small hill. Slowly, Sam drives up the hill as the sun peeks from behind the hilltops.

"I found Ally and Adam, they are holding up in Adam's family farm. His brother in law has a farm not far from here, but for now they're staying put. Layla and the twins are gone; Ally was talking to her when she got attacked. I was on my way back to tell Merle when I found you bit and the house burning down. All I can do for you and Little Red is keep you safe until I find Daryl and Merle." He reaches over taking my hand, his gray eyes looking so sad.

I don't say a word, my heart to burden with loss and sadness to say much at all. Beryl twists her arms around my neck, her little head resting on my shoulder. "Sam-Sam gonna get Daddy?"

"Yes, he will sweetie. We'll get Daddy back, I promise." I stroke the back of her head, my tears falling again.

As we pull up to the gray and white two story farmhouse, I can see a barn in the distance, as well a corral of some sort. Adam comes out on the porch, his son by his side. "Hey Sam … who ya got there?"

"Hey, it's just me Adam." I step out of the truck, my body almost too weak to move.

Adam runs over to me, taking me by my arm. Sam takes Beryl from me as Adam lifts me up in his arms. "Is she okay?"

Sam shakes his head, telling Adam about the farm. They walk in, Adam laying me in a bed in the back of the house. Ally comes in, a bowl of water in her hands.

I let the abyss that had washed over me before take me again, welcoming the cold numbness it offered.

It's midday when I wake, my shoulder feeling tight. Ally smiles back at me, her face looking worried and worn. "How ya feeling?"

"Better, I think I was just exhausted." I look around, finding Beryl sleeping beside me.

"You got bit, but you didn't die and you know … become one of them. I must say, I'm shocked. Even Adam is puzzled; you shouldn't be alive right now." She hands me a pill, telling me it's antibiotic.

I take it, knowing it really won't help. "Where's Sam?"

"He left already, said he was going to find Daryl for you. He wanted to make sure you and Beryl were safe before he left. I'm not sure if here is safe but it's safer than most. I'm sorry about Daryl … I'm sure Sam will find him soon." She pats my arm, the quaking in her voice giving away her fears and doubts.

A few hours pass as I let my new surroundings sink in, taking in everything that had happened. Adam and Ally are more than gracious to us, taking us in and treating us like family.

The first week on the farm flies by, but with each passing day my heart sinks lower and lower. I missed holding my husband; missing kissing him and looking into those sky blue eyes that always calmed my soul. Sam was out there risking his life to bring me back mine and I pray each and every night that he's safe and he'll bring Daryl back to me.

Another week passes with no word from Sam, giving me little hope he's alive or that Daryl is either. Ally tells me to reside myself to the fact that this world doesn't allow us to hope, to accept the fact that the family I have now is all I have.

I sit on the porch, rocking Beryl in my lap. Was she right, I think to myself? My hope is all I had, but it was really more than that. It was a feeling, a feeling that if Daryl were really dead, if he was gone I'd feel it. I stroke the tattoo on my chest, remembering the ring that once adorned my finger, the angel wings that adorn the vest I made him and in that moment feel our love burn bright.

It's at the end of the week, when I'm out feeding the horses, when I feel a sudden rush of heat that makes me dizzy. Autumn was starting to settle in and I knew the heat of the day wasn't warm enough to affect me this way.

Ally hands me a bucket of water, her eyes studying my face. "You okay Bobbi Jo?"

"No, not really. I think I need to sit down for a little while." I take a seat on a stool in the corner, the heat blasting at me like a furnace.

Adam walks in with Beryl and his daughter Abby. "What's wrong?"

"Bobbi Jo got sick." Ally gives her husband an anxious look, Adam kneeling down beside me.

He places his hand on my forehead, feeling my face and neck. He next pulls my button up shirt to the side, looking at the bite mark on my shoulder. It had healed up nicely, barely viable at all.

"What exactly is wrong?" The look in his eyes worries me, Adam being a vet was a good and bad thing. He had knowledge enough to help us if we became ill, but he didn't have the necessary items to do much about it.

I rest my hands on my face, bending forward. "I'm just sick to my stomach is all and I got too much sun. I'll be fine … really."

He gives Ally a look, the two of them sharing an unspoken secret. "Do you think?" Ally smiles at me, taking my hand. "We need to go back to the house, you need some rest."

As we walk off, Adam whispers something to Ally. She nods her head, looking back at me. "What the hell is going on Ally, and you best tell me."

"Bobbi Jo … Adam thinks … he thinks you're pregnant." The words smack me hard. I reel back, my knees going week. Ally tries to catch me before I hit the ground. How could I be pregnant, how could this happen now?

I look up at her from the grassy patch I had landed on, my knees hurting from being scrapped on the rocky ground. "I need to be sure … Ally I need to be sure."

She takes my hand, leading me back to the house. I set on the bed, Ally coming back in with a pink box. "I have this left over from before … before everything went to hell. It might be a little outdated, but it will work."

Once again, I find myself facing this cursed white stick and for the first time since I lost my baby, I find myself praying I'm not pregnant.

As the two pink lines get brighter and brighter, I begin to cry. After all the tears, the worrying, the praying and disappointment here I am … pregnant.


	2. Give and Take

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 2: Give and Take

I track a deer for a few days, the walkers as the new group had come to call them, roaming the woods with me. Every time I come close to putting a bolt through my prey, a walker scares it off. I had already killed a few squirrels, but I wasn't coming back without that deer.

I load my crossbow again, taking out my anger on the walkers around me. My bolt hits the female corpse beside me, pinning her to a tree.

"Fuck." I have to give the bolt a few tugs before I free it, another walker coming up behind me.

This new world was all wrong, it was a world I remembered all too well from my childhood. Hurt, anger, death and pain, that's all it held for me then and now. The love that I once had, that once filled my heart was as dim and dark as an eclipse looming over the sun.

I was grateful for the time alone, the time away from people. It gives me a chance to clear my mind, to not think about anything but the hunt. Seeing the people back at camp with their families, remembering what I had lost, it was all too much.

Merle had told me to do what needed to be done and trust in him to keep us safe. He told me before I left on my hunting trip that this is what B.J. wanted, for him and me to survive. I knew he was wrong, she wouldn't want me to survive by doing wrong to others, but I was surviving.

Clearing my thoughts again, I set my sights back into finding that deer and getting some dinner for everyone.

The deer stops to eat some acorns on the forest floor, its ears twitching. I take aim, hitting it in the left flank. As I move to load my crossbow again, I watch the deer take off.

"Som'bitch!" Hosting my rope full of squirrels up on my shoulder, I take off after it, tracking it back toward the quarry.

Growls and grunts come from every side as I track the deer back, blood trickling from its wound. I follow the blood splatter, broken leaves and roof prints till I come upon a clearing near the campsite.

I can hear voices; screams out ahead of me, making me believe the maybe somebody from the camp had found my kill.

Walking out of the woods, I see some familiar faces and one I don't know standing around my deer as a walker feeds from it.

I come face to face with Shane, the camp leader. He was a bossy, pushy asshole and I didn't much care for him or his fucking rules.

The deer had been mangled, gnawed on by the walker. My anger gets the best of me as I kick the beheaded corpse over and over, shouting out a few colorful words as I do so.

Dale tells me to calm down, which does nothing for my mood. Only B.J. could have calmed me down when I got this pissed, but she wasn't here anymore.

The squirrels on my shoulder would have to do, but I was really hoping for some venison tonight.

After demonstrating the proper way to take down a walker, I look at the new guy and give him a quick once over. "Come on people, what the hell? It's gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothin?"

Making my way back into camp I immediately start looking for Merle. I wasn't sure where he was or what happen on the run to Atlanta, but knowing my big brother he was causing trouble.

Deputy know-it-all tells me he wants to talk, I have a bad feeling about the look on his face and the way he's talking to me.

He tells me there was a problem with the run to Atlanta, when this new guy tells me Merle was a problem and he handcuffed him to a roof.

After asking him how the hell he was, he tells me Rick Grimes.

Rick Grimes looks at me, telling me he's left my brother upon some roof, possibly to die. I try to process what they're saying, knowing if Merle is gone, then I've lost everything.

I can feel my anger building, the bitter pain in my heart returning as it overflows. Tossing my squirrels at Rick, I lunge at him only to have Shane knock me down. Pulling my knife, I come at them. I really had nothing left to live for and if Merle is gone because of this asshole, he was going down too.

After we have a scuffle, Rick explains to me why he handcuffed Merle to the roof. T-Dog tells me it wasn't all Rick's fault, that he dropped the keys to the cuffs down a drain.

Fighting back my tears, I try to remember my promise to my girl, to both my girls.

Rick tells me he wants to go back for Merle, he seemed like the kind of man I would have been friends with in my old life on the farm.

As I prepare to go back for my brother, I have to sit there and listen to all of them talk about Merle as if he's no better than shit on the bottom of their shoes. He may not be the friendliest or very likeable, but he is my brother and I would get him back.

I jump in the back of the supply van they brought back with them, my patience wearing thin.

The ride back into the city seems like it takes forever. Since the night I lost my world, I do my best to stay busy so not to think of Bobbi Jo or Beryl. Once again, I'm faced with losing another part of myself.

We park on some railroad tracks, walking back to the building. I keep telling myself over and over that Merle's okay, hoping I'm not wrong.

Making our way back into the department store, Rick spots a walker and I take her out.

We make our way back up to the roof, my feet taking the steps two at a time. Merle was my only link to the life I knew and that bastard best be alive.

T-Dog cuts the chains on the door with some bolt cutters and I push my way past them all, screaming Merle's name as I run onto the rooftop.

Instead of my brother, I find a bloody hatch saw and his hand lying on the roof. I scream no, over and over as I look at the bloody mess before me. In the two months since the world had gone to shit, I had managed to lose every single member of my family. I had been clinging to Merle with everything in me, hoping with him by my side, I could at least make it one more day.

* * *

Beryl had started to talk more, asking me about her Daddy every single day. I try to explain to her that Sam is still off looking for them, hoping this appeases her.

Ally and I become fast friends, her hope that things will get better almost contagious. I pray that she's right, but in the back of my mind I knew better. This world that had developed from the hell that had erupted was not a good place, the living were just as bad as the walking corpses that wanted to feed on you.

Hershel's oldest daughter Maggie comes by to check on us, to see if we need anything. Adam reassures her we're fine, giving her some of the medication he'd managed to get from the vet clinic.

She sets on the porch with me and Ally, her smile reminding me of Diane's. "I'm glad you made it out here, glad you and yer little girl are safe. I'm really sorry about yer family; I couldn't imagine losing my father that way."

I smile at her, Beryl playing beside me with Abby and Aaron. "Thanks Maggie, I'm glad your family is okay too. I'm sorry to hear about Adam's sister, that she's sick. If there is anything you need, let us know. I want to help out, do my part."

She smiles over to Ally, as if they had a secret between them. Adam comes back out, a bag full of medical supplies. "Tell Hershel I can try to make another run to the clinic."

Ally's face goes pale; Adam places his hand on her shoulder. "No, we're good. Thanks Adam."

Maggie mounts her horse and is gone, Adam watching protectively as she leaves. He sits down beside his wife when Maggie is out of sight, taking her hand.

I look over to him, seeing the worry in his eyes. "Adam, its bad out there … ain't it?"

"Yeah, it is, real bad. The last time I went out I almost got bit and if that wasn't bad enough, there was two rough looking men waiting on the outside. They took most of the medication I'd managed to get, they meant to shoot me and leave me for dead. If it hadn't been for Otis, they would have. He picked up an oxygen tank and bashed the guy's head in."

He goes on to tell me about all the people at Hershel's farm. I had met Maggie, Beth, Shawn and Annette but I didn't know Patricia and Otis. They way Adam describes them makes me miss my old life, the family I no longer had.

I'm standing at the kitchen sink doing the supper dishes when I feel a flutter in my belly. I drop the plate back into the water, my hands going to abdomen.

Tears spring in my eyes when I feel the small movement from inside, my heart aching for my baby's father. I had prayed for this day for months and here it was, but not like I planned.

Wiping my hands on my jeans, I walk out to the porch and over to the banisters. Ally walks in with the wash, Abby and Beryl in tow. "You okay?"

"No … but I will be." She pats my shoulder, Beryl reaching up for me.

"Mommy … is Sam-Sam coming back?" I hold her tight, kissing her tiny face over and over.

Before I can break her heart and tell her no, I see a truck coming up the hill. "Sam?"

I place her down, telling her to stay. My feet take flight, moving me towards the speeding vehicle. "Sam!"

The dark pickup pulls up to the house, Sam exiting the truck and wrapping his arms around me. "God girl, you are a sight for sore eyes."

I hold him back, so glad to have him with me again. "Did you find them?"

"No, I didn't … sorry. It's fucking crazy out there and if Merle and Daryl are still together, I'm sure they're okay." I release him, my tears rolling down my face.

"I see. Well, I'm goin lookin for him then." I turn away from him, his hand catching mine.

"Like hell you are. You owe it to that little girl there to keep yourself safe. I'll go back out in a few days, see if they might have taken up with a group or something." His gray eyes burrow a hole into my heart, his hand holding mine tight.

I drop my head, wiping my tears with my free hand. "Okay, but I ain't givin up on him … not now."

We walk back to the house, Sam giving me strange glances. "Why is now any different from when I left?"

Running my hand over my belly, I grin back at him. "Cause now I'm gonna have Daryl's baby."

He stops, his hand dropping mine. "You're not shitting me are you?"

I shake my head, a sadness mingled with my happiness. "Nope, about four months best Adam can figure."

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." Sam looks back at me completely dumbfounded, his large hand running through his shoulder length graying hair.

"Well, if you ask me, the Lord has really shitty timing." I give him a quick smile, before walking back towards my daughter.

Closing my eyes, I can see Daryl's smiling face. His ocean blue eyes shimmering like gentle pools of water after the rain. In my heart I feel my darkness lift, but only slightly. The burden in my heart is still crushing down on me, my arms still aching to hold the one thing that I can't have.


	3. Going On

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 3: Going On

I do my best to concentrate on finding my brother, hoping Merle ain't off somewhere bleeding to death. I wanted to put a bolt in T's head, but the new guy, Rick stopped me stone cold.

As he held his python to my head, I almost wanted him to pull the trigger and end this hellish nightmare I was in now.

Thinking better of it, I knew I had to find Merle. I wrap my brother's served hand in T-Dog's bandanna, making me look like a mad man.

Little did I know this journey to find Merle would lead to me having to save the Chinese kid from some gang banging assholes.

We go looking for the guns that Rick said he left behind and we get nothing but more trouble.

These gang bangers come out of nowhere trying to take the gun, but they take the kid instead. I get one of their guys in the ass with a bolt as they leave. Rick, T-Dog and me take the little bastard back to an empty building, the smug look on his face making me want to stomp his ass.

Rick tosses me off of him, after I throw Merle's hand in his lap. I want to give the little bitch a good beat down, show him some southern justice but Rick stops me.

It's not until take the fight to them that I find out the man leading is more a man of his word and a man of action. I don't give my trust or respect easily, but I was starting to like this man, this Rick Grimes.

Putting all my attention into helping them get the Asian kid back stops my mind from wandering, stops the vision of B.J. and Beryl from seeping back into my thought.

This surly attitude I had was partly because I just didn't want to feel and partly because I was back to the me that Merle always wanted me to be. Merle was right about one thing; Bobbi Jo made me a better man.

Taking a deep breath, I look at the little prick before me, hoping Rick lets me at him.

After the standoff with his people, I find a grin creeping up on my face. They weren't some badass, gang bangers, but a bunch of babysitters for some old people. They had taken over a nursing home, helping to keep the old people safe.

When we finally get Glenn and make our way back to our camp and I have to place Merle in that same box I have Bobbi Jo and Beryl in, hoping that someday I get my brother back.

Rick and Glenn look at each other, then back to me, all of us dumbfounded at the missing van. I knew we had left it on the tracks, but it was gone now, all of us thinking the same thing …. Merle took it.

Walking back to camp in the humid, sunny Georgia day was like pushing against a wall of heat. I wanted to kick Merle's ass for leaving us stranded, but I'm sort of proud of him for being so damn resourceful. Merle was proving with each thing he did, he was one tough ass som'bitch.

I wipe the sweat from my forehead, adjust my crossbow when Rick stares at me. "What's up with you and your brother? It just the two of you out here?"

Glenn and T-Dog look back at me, all three of them slowing down. "Yup, just me and my brother."

They pick up their pace, Rick lingering back with me. "There has to be more to it, you don't strike me as the type that takes orders well. I know he's your brother, but you act like a whooped pup when they mention his name."

"You wouldn't understand. Thangs between me and Merle … they're complicated." I walk out ahead of him, feeling his eyes still on me.

The sun begins to fade, our walk back to the quarry only half over. We had walked in silence, only Glenn making a few comments. As we start up the dirt road towards the camp, Rick gives me a sideways glare.

"You have that look about you, the one I see when I look in a mirror. You had a family, didn't ya?" He places his thumb inside the strap of the duffle bag, his eyes locking in on me.

I look at him briefly before shrugging my shoulders. "What if I did … don't matter now."

Rick nods, pulling his hat down over his eyes. "It does matter Daryl … they mattered. They dead?"

Chewing on my bottom lip, I nod back to him. This was the first time I'd told anyone about my girls, told anyone I had a family.

"Sorry Daryl, I know that ain't easy to carry around." He places a hand on my shoulder, giving me a quick nod.

"My little gurl was only two; she looked just like her momma. My wife … she would have liked you." He grins back at me and I feel the pain of losing them all over again. I stop dead in my tracks, fighting back my tears.

"You don't have to talk about'em. Just know, I understand." He walks past me, leaving me with my thoughts.

I spend the rest of the walk shoving my feelings back down, shoving my girls back into that cage inside my heart. As we approach the camp with the darkness all around us, we hear growls and screaming.

Rick quickly tosses guns at us, the four of us rushing into camp. Walkers are everywhere, so eating our people.

The night I lost my world floods back at me, a bitter bilge rising in my throat. With a gut full of anger, I begin shooting the walking corpses in the head. I see red as I come up one, bashing it's brains out with the butt of the shotgun.

All I can see his Bobbi Jo and Beryl's face, their screams as the dead fuckers' claw and chew on them. I don't stop until all I hear is crying and wailing around me. Standing there looking at the carnage, I want to scream, I want to yell so badly that I can feel my body shaking.

Taking a deep breath, I look over to Rick. He holds tight to his son, making me wish I was holding my Beryl.

* * *

Sam was packing to go back on the road to look for Daryl and Merle, but in the pit of my stomach I sort of want him to stay.

"Sam, maybe you should stay." He takes my hand, his gray eyes smiling back at me.

"I got my ex-wife and son somewhere safe, go you and your baby girl safe, not it's time to get Daryl back to you safe." He hugs me, kissing the top of my head.

I hug him back, holding on to him a little too tight. "You don't owe me anything Sam but I'm real grateful for all that you've done. Maybe you should go to your son, be with him."

He smiles back at me, his grin making his mustache cover his nose. "They're with my biker family; they'll take care of them. As soon as I find Daryl, I'll go be with my family. B.J., you and Daryl have been my family for a long time and I do owe you something … my life."

With those words he turns and goes, my truck fading in the distance. I can feel my heart become heavy as he goes, him risking his life yet again.

To take my mind off of Sam and Daryl, I got out with Adam hunting. He was glad to have the company, yet leery of being out in the woods with so many rotters about.

I take my crossbow, tossing it over my shoulder. Looking at it now, I was glad Daryl had made me leave it behind in our old house. If I had taken it to the farmhouse with me, it would have burnt with everything else.

Adam walks cautiously beside, his keen eyes looking in every direction. In a whispered voice, he calls me to him. "Bobbi Jo, can you track?"

I nod to him, trying to remember the lessons Daryl had given me. Taking in my surroundings, I notice the hoof prints on the forest floor. I move some of the leaves around, finding some of the foliage chewed on. Pointing up ahead of us, I wave Adam forward.

We come up to a deer grazing near the tree line, the buck at least a six pointer. I raise my crossbow when I hear a gunshot. "What the hell?"

Adam looks over to me as we watch the deer fall over. I keep my crossbow up, watching as a portly man walks out, his shotgun at his side. "I'm so sorry Adam, I didn't see you there."

"Dammit Otis, you could have killed us. You really need to watch where you're shooting. If you're not careful, you're gonna shoot someone." Otis looks back at Adam, the scolding taking a toll on him.

I nudge him in the ribs, giving him a stern look. "No harm, it's all good. Let's get this deer back before the rotters start climbing all over us."

Otis stares at me, giving me a peculiar look. "Rotters? Don't you mean the infected?"

"No … I mean rotters. Those walking corpses are no more than reanimated dead people … you see that don't you?" He keeps staring at me, Adam clasping his hand on his shoulder.

"Let's go if we're going." I could tell Adam wanted to change the topic of discussion and quickly.

We get back to Hershel's farm, the long trek winding me. I stop and take a deep breath at the edge of the porch, my pregnancy making me very tired.

The silver haired man that I remembered from before walks out on the porch, his thumbs tucked in his suspenders. He greets us, telling Adam to take the deer out back.

Looking up from my hunched over position, I smile at him. Hershel sits on the porch steps, patting the space next to him. "Come take a seat, I think you need it."

Sitting down, I rest my crossbow beside the steps. My hand unconsciously rubs my tiny bump, my lungs starting to catch easy breaths.

"After Adam gets that deer cleaned, we need to be heading back. It'll be dark soon and Ally is all alone with the kids." I look up into his gentle blue eyes, his smile reminding me of my father.

"How far along are you?" I stop rubbing my bump, a blush covering my cheeks.

"Four months or so, just getting used to it myself." He takes my free hand, holding it gently.

I can see him pondering something, his eyes dancing like my father's use to when his mind was racing. "Why don't y'all stay here with me? My farm is bigger and so is my house. I know I'd feel better if I had all my family here, Adam and Ally are all I have left of my wife's people. They would stay if you ask them too."

I squeeze his hand, smiling back at him. "You don't know me Hershel, I'm not family. While I appreciate the thought, I think it best I stay with Adam and Ally. If they want to stay here, I'll do my best to keep their place going."

Right at that moment, Adam comes walking around the side of the house. "Keep what going?"

Before I can tell Adam, Hershel stands and waves for him to follow him in the house.

When they come back out, Adam and Hershel are laughing. Maggie and Beth's boyfriend Jimmy come out behind them, Maggie taking my hand. "Daddy said y'all are moving in here. Jimmy and I are gonna get some horses; we'll have you packed up in no time."

"But … I didn't …" Maggie gives me that big sassy Greene smile and I know I'm defeated before I start to fight.

It's nearly dark when we get back, Beryl excited to be in a new place. "Mommy … will Sam-Sam find us here?"

"We left him a note sweetie." I stroke the back of her head as we sit on the porch, the star filled sky looking like it had before my life got turned upside down.

She falls asleep in my lap, Maggie taking her for me. "I'll put her upstairs, in the room next to mine. I'm glad y'all are stayin."

Looking up at the big bright moon, I feel my heart beat a little out of rhythm. Daryl's name slides off my tongue, a soft whisper left to float on the wind.


	4. Regrets

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 4: Regrets

I sit on a tree stump, looking out over all the dead that were once members of our camp. Looking at their bloody bodies, their mangled corpses I begin to wonder if this is what Bobbi Jo looked like when it was all over.

The same thought had plagued my mind since I left the farm, where my girls walkers. In my nightmares I'd often see their faces, the ashen color of their cheeks, the blue of their eyes replaced with a dim pale yellow. The nightmare always ends the same; with Bobbi Jo looking at me with this hollow look in her eyes and me screaming I'm sorry as I run away.

Shaking off my regrets, I pick up a pickaxe and start doing what I do best, bashing in heads.

Glenn and T-Dog start a fire, burning the walkers that had made a meal out of our camp. I make sure the som'bitches don't get back up, that they stay dead this time.

After clearing out most of the walkers, I notice that blondie hadn't budged from her little sister that lay dead next to the R.V.

They all pussyfoot around the fact that when that girl comes back, she's gonna be a time bomb. We had to put her down; she was no different from the rest of the people that got bit.

If I could have, I would have done it for my B.J., done what needed to be done. She wouldn't have wanted to come back like that, to become one of those things.

My patience is wearing thin when I approach Rick; try to talk him into shooting that girl in the head.

After Glenn goes off on me, shouting we don't burn our dead, we bury them. I feel my anger burn me alive. I help move the body, taking it over to the other pile to be buried. I can't help but yell back at them all, tell them that they left Merle for dead … they had this coming.

As I stomp off, I know my anger is really about the fact that I couldn't do the same for my real family. I didn't get to bury Robert, Ann, Bobbi Jo or my sweet little Beryl.

All the anger I had pushed down, put away or downright let go for my wife and my baby girl, it all came erupting up and I became a volcano of emotions.

I'm temporally brought back from the spiral of rage I was in when I hear Jim is bit. I tell him to show us, T-Dog grabbing him from behind as I lift up his shirt.

The image of B.J. being bit, her shoulder bleeding is all I can see. I remember Merle telling me about how he found her, how she was bit and bleeding by the barn. I think I asked him a hundred times if she was really bit, if she was really dying before it sank in.

I listen to these jackasses bray on about their options, what to do with the dead girl and Jim. I say put a pickaxe in both of them and be done. I sure hope that's what someone does for me if that is my fate one day.

Rick wants to go to the CDC but I can tell Deputy know-it-all thinks that's a bad idea. I think they're both bat shit crazy, we need to end them before they end us.

"You go look for aspirin, do what you need to do. Someone needs to have some balls to take care of this damn problem!" Before I can raise my pickaxe to Jim, Rick is yelling at me, putting his gun to my head once again.

"We don't kill the living." He stands there all calm and cool as I turn around to face him.

"That's funny, coming from a man that just put a gun to my head." They sure did talk a big talk, especially Rick's sidekick Shane.

Shoving the pickaxe in the ground, I stare at Rick and walk off. After Atlanta, I was starting to think he was an okay guy, but now … he just another do-gooder.

Going over to the fire, I toss another body on and set out to mash in some more heads. This short haired lady named Carol comes over to me; her dead husband my next target. I give her the pickaxe, thinking it was the right thing to do.

I could tell this asshole had beat her, heard it a few times coming from their tent. Maybe this was justice, maybe this was her way of setting a few things right.

As she plunges the axe in his head, I can see the look on her face. I'd see that look from my mother when she'd get back at my old man for beating her up or knocking her around. What I wouldn't give right now for her to be able to do this to him.

T and I load up more of the bodies, placing them in the back of my pickup. It seemed like we'd never stop burying our dead as I back my truck up to the burial plots.

I'm trying to talk some sense into Rick and Shane, about burning the bodies and finding some order around her when Rick's old lady chimes in about trying to find some part of her old life. I look at her thinking she's crazy, that life is gone and we ain't ever getting it back.

As I pull a body from the truck, I think to myself that I'm glad Bobbi Jo and Beryl are gone. I wouldn't want them to try to survive in a world like this, it would ruin them both.

When the graves are all full, I grab a shotgun and go on watch. Shane and Rick head off in the woods, maybe to have a pissing contest or something.

They walk back into camp a little while later, telling us that we're leaving first thing in the morning. I was all for that, I needed to put some space between me and this damn graveyard.

The morning comes and I'm itching to put some miles behind me. This place was just another bad thing that just heaped onto more bad things for me. I came out here after losing my reason for living, me and Merle against the world and now I'm alone. If not for the promise I made my beauty, I would just say fuck it and go off on my own.

After the group powwow, we load up our vehicles and head towards the CDC.

Riding down the road, I take Bobbi Jo's wedding ring out of my pocket and twirl it around my finger. That and the lock of hair from Beryl that I keep in my duffle is all I have left to remind me of them.

I slide the ring back in my pocket when our caravan comes to a halt; Dale's R.V. had overheated and was bellowing steam out the engine.

Walking around, trying to figure out what to do, we get word that Jim is done and he just wants to stop. Rick goes in the R.V. to talk with him, Jim deciding to stay here.

They help him out to a tree, his fever hitting him hard. I could tell just by looking at him that he wouldn't last much longer. Bobbi Jo in her final moments slams into my mind again, my anger pushing the thoughts away. I try not to think of her being like this, sick with fever and her body becoming so frail.

Everyone takes their turn saying goodbye to Jim, each one trying to give him some sense of peace.

When it's my turn, I just look, nod and walk off. I didn't have any words to give him peace, cause I didn't have any for myself. He was dying; his pain was near an end. I woke up with my pain each morning and lived with it each day.

Pulling my truck up to the CDC, all I see are piles of dead bodies and what looks like the last stand of the military. We grab our weapons, everyone with the same stupid, fucking dumb ass look on their faces.

It smelled as bad as it looked, like a bucket of road kill that had been left in the sun too long.

Weaving our way through the bodies, I keep an eye out for any movement. A walker could be lying among the dead and I wasn't letting one get by me.

We get to the main doors and they're closed up tight. Rick and Shane tried to get in but the shutters won't budge. I turn around to see a walker coming our way. I yell out walker to get the other's attention, thinking we need to haul ass back to our vehicles.

I knew this was a dead end, that we'd wasted gas and food to get to somewhere that wasn't there anymore. Everyone starts to freak out, Shane and Rick yelling at each other. Walkers start to come out, more and more of them right towards us.

When I think this is it, it's time to fight or die, one of the big doors opens up and a big bright light shines from inside. Standing there with my weapon down, I look at that light and hear B.J.'s voice in my head. "Go baby … just go. Don't be a damn stubborn fool, not this time Dixon."

Closing my eyes, I drop my head and whisper back to her. "For you, I will."

* * *

Standing on Hershel's porch, I rub my belly and think of Daryl. A million things play on my mind at the same time. Was I wrong to send Sam to look for Daryl? Was I wrong to tell Merle to leave with Daryl? Was I wrong for not saying goodbye to Daryl?

All of these regrets crash into me, making me weep so hard I have to hold on to the banisters.

Maggie comes out, her hand rubbing my back. "You miss him … don't you?"

I keep my head down, nodding back at her. I did miss Daryl, but I feared for him more. If I had only held on, let Merle go get Daryl then I might not be standing here alone without him.

Her hand strokes my back, her big smile soothing me a little. "I'll be okay Maggie, really."

She waits till I'm sitting on the porch swing before she leaves, Beth waiting on her to collect some eggs. Otis, Patricia, Hershel and Jimmie go about their chores, as if the world wasn't crumbling around them.

Abby, Aaron and Beryl come racing out the front door, Beryl stopping when she sees me. "Mommy … can I go play?"

Walking over to her, I pick her up and hold her upon my hip. "Okay, but stay in the yard where I can see you. Understand?"

She nods her head, her auburn hair tossing about. "I will … promise." She beams a smile back at me, kissing my cheek before I let her down.

Ally joins me, handing me a cup of cider. "Better drink up … there ain't much left."

"Ally, do you really think I'll ever find Daryl?" Leaning back against the chair, I take a sip of my cider.

She takes a short pause before answering me. "Hard to say, but I think Sam is one determined man. If anyone can find him … he will. Hope you don't mind, but Hershel was asking about you and Adam told him your story."

"Told him what exactly?" I narrow my eyes, knowing she means my bite.

She points to my shoulder, confirming my suspensions. "Hershel wanted to see for himself."

I place the cup of cider down, storming off the porch. I tell Beryl to go to the porch and stay as I walk out towards the pasture. "Hershel … a word please."

He takes off his work gloves, his straw hat shading his eyes. "Is there a problem?"

I pull my shirt down from my shoulder, showing him the bit mark. "Satisfied now? I'm not gonna turn or get sick. I'm fine, I promise."

He looks at it a little closer, nodding when he's done. "If you don't mind, I have a few questions for you."

"Okay … whatever." I roll my eyes, hoping I wouldn't become the vet's human guinea pig.

Hershel leads back against the fence, the noonday sun shining in his eyes. "Have you ever been sick with any diseases or infections in your life?"

"No." I answer him, the answer sort of surprising me.

"Have you ever had a childhood disease?" He props his elbows back on the fence, getting more comfortable.

"Nope, not that I can remember. If it helps, the only time I was ever in the hospital was when I had Beryl, when Merle nearly killed me twice and when I got clawed by a rabid wolf."

His eyes peak up, his stature changing. "Did you get a fever from the rabies?"

"Yeah, a really bad one. The doctors were sort of puzzled then too. Daryl couldn't get me back to the farm so we had to stay out in the woods that night. He used herbal treatments to keep my fever down." I hold out my arm and show him the claw marks.

Taking off his hat, he wipes the sweat from his forehead. "I bet your parents didn't get you inoculated. Did you ever have vaccinations when you were growing up?"

I shake my head, remembering my mother didn't trust the new medications for children, so she never took me to get any of the shots. "She didn't trust them so, no. And come to think of it, neither did Daryl."

We start walking back towards the house, Hershel asking more questions. When we get to the porch, he takes my forearm and examines it again.

"I think you have built up a natural immunity, one that with the rabies you contracted aided in you not getting this disease. Rabies causes an inflammation of the brain and this disease seems to affect the brain the most. You are a walking miracle Bobbi Jo … you are immune." He runs his hand over his face, giving me a very perplexed glare.

"Isn't that a good thing?" I sit down on the swing, next to Beryl.

Hershel moves his hat back on his head, his hands sliding into his suspenders. "You are proof that God has a plan. Maybe you are the first of many. If you don't mind, I'd like to draw a little blood from you."

"Sure, whatever you need." He grins at me as he walks in and I instantly regret telling him yes.

The only thing I can hope now is that I can stay here without becoming an experiment to Hershel and Adam.

Ally looks over to me, her eyes set wide. "Does this mean you can't become one of … them?"

"Looks like, ain't that something. Maybe I'll get lucky and Beryl and this little one will be immune too." I start stroking my belly again, Ally's shock still clinging to her face.

As I push the swing back, Beryl giggles out. "Faster!"

I pull her tight to my side, wanting so bad to tell Daryl that we're alive and I'm more than okay, I'm immune.


	5. Words of Advice

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 5: Words of Advice

As I stand here staring into the light, I can't believe what I'm seeing. Someone is here and they are letting us in. I do as the voice in my head ask, letting my feet move forward towards the door.

I hear her voice again, the sweet southern drawl of her words. I loved the way her words sounded like warm honey dripping off a honeycomb. "Daryl, keep yourself safe. You have to survive."

Raising my weapon, I cover us from behind as we walk in. I'm still not sure what lies ahead for us, but it was sure as hell better than what waited out here.

We walk in, the inside so empty I can hear Rick's voice echoing. We all react at the same time when we see a man with a semi-automatic standing at the stairs.

Rick does the talking for us, his negotiating skills gaining us entrance in. The man asks for blood tests from all of us, seems reasonable enough. We haul ass back out to get our shit, then the man closes the door behind us. I wasn't sure if I liked the way he talked about the doors closing for good, something about him just seems off to me.

On the elevator ride down, I have to ask him about packing so much heat. I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth about being a doctor, especially with fire power like that strapped to his shoulder.

He looked like he'd gone ten rounds with a Grizzly bear and his answer seemed legit to me, but something about him just wasn't right to me, he was hiding something.

After getting off the elevator, I hang back and check out the place. We pass by some offices, nothing out of the ordinary for a place like this. It's not until we get to the end of the hallway that we enter a large room full of screens and computers.

I could tell the others were interested, but I could give a rat's ass about all of this. The world I knew was gone; nothing or nobody was going to change that. One thing was for certain; from the look of this place they didn't have any answers either.

When the good doctor tells us he's all that's left I knew I was right. Things weren't no better in here, except those damn walking corpses couldn't get in. Here at least I didn't have to look over my shoulder or watch my back all the time.

I let the doc take some blood from me, I never much cared for needles, but if it got me a warm, safe place to sleep tonight I'd do it. I'd watched the doctors take blood from Bobbi Jo before. She'd always squeeze my hand and shut her eyes tight. I could tell it hurt like hell, but she never said a word.

After he's done, I hold my hand over my arm and think of the last time I'd seen my own blood. I wasn't too long before the world went to shit, when I got cut open by that bar owner that got in a fight with Merle. I was always saving his ass, even getting bloody for him.

My B.J. looked so frighten and pissed at the same time, I knew Merle was in for it when she got a hold of him. Sitting down, I move my hand and look up to see Dale staring at me.

"What?" I glare back at him, my voice low.

"You're in deep thought, thinking of someone special?" He grins at me, making me want to wipe that grin off his face.

"Like I said before … mind yer own damn business." I grab my crossbow and go to stand against the wall, wanting to keep my thoughts to myself.

The evening takes a more jovial turn when we head down to the cafeteria, Dr. Jenner telling us to make ourselves at home.

It doesn't take too long before the food and wine are flowing, everyone in a way better mood than we had been in weeks.

I knew I could be a real dick when I was drinking, especially when I was good and lit. I take a bottle of wine, climb up on a counter and start drinking it down. From the goofy look on Glenn's face, I knew he was going to be a funny drunk. I tell him to drink up; I want to see how red his face could get.

Bobbi Jo got that same look when she'd had too much, her checks got bright red, her lips stuck in a grin and her blue eyes glazed over, every time.

I hold my bottle up and shout, "Booyah!" trying to shake the memory from my head.

Shane and Rick start to do this back and forth spare with each other, like two gladiators about to go to battle. I take a big swig from my bottle, hoping to get too wasted to care soon.

I hear the doctor tell us something about why he's all alone, about how shit went down and he got left behind. He was like me in that way, shit got bad at the farm and I got left with Merle and now he was gone too. Me and the doc, we were alone in a room full of people.

Holding my hand out, I look at the tattoo on my ring finger and wish I could wash it off. The memory of them was too damn much, hurt too much. Even that damn winged vest she made me was just another reminder of a life I'd never have again.

After dinner, we are taken down to some more rooms. Jenner tells us we can stay here for the night, and that we can take showers. I grip my bottle a little tighter, ducking into one of the rooms while everyone else goes off to find the shower room.

Lying on the couch, I look up at the ceiling and wonder why I made it out when they didn't. No matter how hard I try to push their memories away, they always come back, they're always lingering in the corners of my mind.

I set the bottle down on the floor, pulling my vest out of my duffle. I lay it over the white tile floor and look at the wings. She called me her lesser angel, now she was an angel, her and our baby girl.

A tear escapes my eye and I quickly wipe it away. I didn't have time for tears anymore, I couldn't mourn them anymore. I sit there for a while, just looking at that vest when Rick knocks on the door, easing his way in.

"I'm goin down to talk to Jenner, you want to come?" He looks at the vest, then back up to me.

"Nah, I'm fine … you go on though. Rick … I think it best you don't take Shane." He nods back to me, his eyes telling me he was properly lit.

"Can I ask ya one question?" He stands in the doorway, his eyes fixed on the vest.

I nod, my teeth biting into my bottom lip. He grins, lifting the bottle back up to his lips. "How do you go on without her, how do you put it all away and go on?"

I wasn't ready for his question; it was to the point and stabbed through me like a long sharp blade.

Folding up the vest, I place it back in my duffle and sit on the couch. "I do it because it was the last thang she asked me to do. You'd do the same if Lori asked ya to."

He grins, turning to go. "Daryl … don't ever forget … she loved you, anyone that would take the time to make you that had to love you."

His words take hold of me, shaking me to my core. He was right; I was whaling in my pity, feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to forget my girls, when it was me remembering them that was keeping them alive.

I make a promise to myself that I wouldn't ever let anyone get that close to me again, but I won't forget my family either. Taking the bottle off the table, I lean back against the couch and try to find a bliss that I had once with her.

Rick's past drunk when he comes back down the hallway, knocking against the walls. I go out to help steady him to his feet. "We only get one life Daryl, one life and no matter how shitty this one is right now, it's all we got."

"I know." I take hold of his waist, leaning him against the wall.

"Do you really?" His blue eyes look at me as if he sees through me.

"You don't know me, none of you do." I want to shove him against the wall and leave him there, but I hear her voice again telling me to take him to his wife and child.

"I know you take that ring out when you think nobody is lookin. I know you miss the family you had, I know you miss your brother." He takes hold of the doorknob, trying to stay on his feet.

I leave him there, stammering back to my own room. It must be the cop in him that makes Rick so observant, cause he had me pegged.

Morning couldn't come fast enough; the night was the hardest for me. It was at night I couldn't turn off the images that flashed in my head, the nightmares that woke me up breathless and unsure.

I didn't want to go back out there and confess my soul to the good sheriff either, so I'd stay here with my liquid courage and hope I pass out.

Before I drift off I hear four words, four words I had every night since I'd met her. "See you later Dixon."

X ~ X ~ X

Hershel smiles at me as he takes a vile of blood, placing a bandage on my arm. "That wasn't so bad."

I glare back at him, my eye creased. "Speak for yourself … that hurt."

"Can I take some blood from Beryl as well?" He moves towards my daughter and I step in front of her.

"I'd rather you not. I agreed to this, but that's it." I take her hand, walking out to the kitchen.

Maggie is cleaning some cartons, Beth stirring a pot of stew. I don't speak as I get Beryl an apple, walking out to the porch.

I was surrounded by people that weren't my family, that didn't have a bond or connection with me. I appreciate everything Hershel was doing for me, taking me in when he didn't have to, but I feel suddenly alone.

Adam comes over to me, sitting on the banister. "Hershel didn't mean any harm. We're both curious why you didn't turn, why you didn't get sick is all. Our best theory is the inflammation from the rabies."

"You got your blood and I answered your question, now leave me be." Picking Beryl up, I start walking out towards the meadow.

Otis is walking out of the barn as I walk towards him, Patricia stopping me before I get too close. "I'm sorry B.J., only Hershel and Otis go near the barn."

"Why?" She looks over to Otis, nearly stuttering her words out.

"You … you just don't. Hershel's farm … Hershel's rules." I'm taken aback by her reaction, but turn around and go to the horse stable instead.

I take Beryl on a ride around the farm, keeping Maggie's baseball bat tucked next to the saddle. The ride does me some good, allowing me to get back to myself for a moment.

When I come riding back, Hershel meets me at the stables. "Adam and I agree, from the equipment we have here, your blood looks normal. Whatever it is, you are blessed."

"Thanks, is there anything else?" I hand Beryl down to him, his blue eyes studying me.

"The barn is off limits and as for these rotters as you call them … I handle the sick on my farm. As long as you understand that, we'll be fine." He takes the bridal, his eyes starting to get softer.

We walk back to the house, Hershel going from fatherly to friendly along the way. "When Sam gets back with or without my husband, I'm leaving. I'm going to go stay with him and his family."

Hershel stops, placing his hands on his hips. "You don't have to leave. I think God sent you here for a reason Bobbi Jo. You're save here, here you can have your baby and raise your children."

"I'll think about it." I keep my thoughts to myself, walking off to the grove of trees by the pasture.

Beryl tugs to my hand and I look up to see Maggie walking towards me. "You and Daddy have words? He looked a little upset when he came in."

Sitting down under the tree canopy, I let Beryl play with a ball she found. "No words, I just want to leave."

"Leave? No, you have to stay, you're having a baby." She sits down beside me, picking at a blade of grass.

I take a deep breath, weighting my options. Every part of me wants to cry, I want to get up and scream. I knew Sam was out there looking for Daryl but I wished he was here, to give me a familiar face to look at. I missed home, I missed my life before and maybe if I get it off my chest, I might feel some of my loss lift from me.

"Maggie, I'm scared. I have no guarantee that Sam will come back with Daryl or come back at all. Y'all are sweet and so kind, but you're not my family. I'm having a baby that I wanted so bad before, but now it scares me. This is no world for a child and raising my children with the threat that any day might be their last day, it eats at me. I'm not sure about anythang, anymore." I let my tears finally fall, Maggie rubbing my back.

"Before all of this, we got no promise of another day B.J. You can make a life here, with us. Wouldn't your Daryl want that for you?" She continues to rub my back, letting me cry.

We sit there for a while, neither of us speaking. Beryl runs over to me, her smile melting my heart. "Momma … I likes it here. Hershel is like Papaw."

Wrapping my arms around her, I know I have my answer. I had to stay for her, for the baby growing inside me. Maggie helps me up from the grass, Beryl reaching for her. They walk back to the house, leaving me alone.

I stay out until the sun starts to set, the glow of the evening sun shining behind me. With my mind made up to stay, I walk back up to the porch and hear Daryl's voice whispers to me. "For you, I will."

"Daryl?" I whisper out to the dusk, his name falling slowly from my lips. The baby inside me moves, jerking about wildly.

"Hey there little one." With my hand on my belly, I sit in the swing and close my eyes. I had heard Daryl's voice; I heard it as plain as if he was sitting here beside me.

Stroking my baby bump, I have this peace, this solace wash over me and I know Hershel is right. I was here for a reason and hearing Daryl's voice gave me hope he was alive and I'd be with him soon.


	6. At Death's Door

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 6: At Death's Door

Her slender, elegant fingers comb through my hair, her blue eyes smiling down at me. I reach up to stroke her face, her soft cheek curving into my hand.

"You are so beautiful, I don't tell ya that enough." B.J. closes her eyes, the sun making her ginger hair shine like a halo.

She leans down, kissing me so softly I barely feel her lips at all. "You don't have to tell me Daryl, it's in your smile, in your eyes, in every touch you give me."

Cupping my hand on the back of her neck, I pull her down into a deep kiss. Our lips meet in a mixture of heat and want. I let my hand tangle into her long red locks, her fingers caressing my face.

When I pull back, I don't see my Bobbi Jo. Before me is this ashen, gray, dead thing with her face. I crawl backwards, my hands and feet moving as fast as possible. She reaches for me; her fingers blacken at the tips.

"Daryl … you up?" I wake with tears in my eyes, T-Dog banging on my door.

"Yeah, I'm up." He opens the door, his big goofy grin staring back at me.

"We're all heading down to the cafeteria for breakfast …. you comin?" I nod my head to him, a throbbing headache hitting me.

It takes me a few minutes to collect myself, to shake the nightmare from my thoughts. A bottle of scotch sits on the table beside me and I think about just getting wasted again.

When I finally make it down to breakfast, Glenn is nursing a hangover and I grin back at him. I knew he was drinking way more than he ever had; he was a bigger mess than I was.

Soon after, Jenner takes us all to the big room where we watch some big screen that shows us a person's brain that got bit and died. I look at all the flashing lights, the ones Jenner says makes up a person and think Bobbi Jo must have had the brightest lights of all.

We watch as the person goes through the stages of death, from being sick to dying to coming back. All of a sudden, we see a flash on the screen. They had put a bullet through the brain of the person being studied. It made it all the more clear to me, clear that whatever happens when we get bit, whenever we die … we ain't human no more.

I stand there numb, feeling the loss of my girls all over again. I listen to them bicker back and forth, talking about what causes the virus. Jenner really doesn't know and from the sounds of it, neither does nobody else.

Andrea confronts the doc, finding out that this thing, this disease is everywhere. There ain't nowhere to go this thing ain't touch, we are surrounded by the dead. I rub my eyes, walking off. "Man, I'm gonna get shitfaced drunk again."

Dale asks about some clock on the wall and why it's counting down. Jenner tells us that the generators are running out of fuel. Rick asks what then, come to find out some decontamination takes place after that.

Rick, Shane, Glenn and T-Dog run down to the basement to check it out, I head to my room to finish off the bottle of scotch.

The bitter bit of the liquor feels good, it was an old friend and I needed a friend right now. The world really had gone to shit, all of it. I was in this underground bunker with a bottle of booze and nightmares of my dead wife.

Easing back on the couch, I toss back the bottle and hope sweet oblivion finds me soon.

I'm half way through the bottle when the lights and air stop working, everyone coming out in the hallway to see what's wrong.

Jenner walks by in his white coat, grabbing my bottle of booze. "Energy use is being prioritized."

He goes on to tell us the building is shutting itself down. I begin to yell at him, demanding some answers. He keeps walking until we're all back in the big room. Rick and the others come running up from the basement, Rick starting at all of us.

He yammers on to Rick about why the building is shutting down, handing me my bottle of booze back. I take it, nearly jerking it out of his hands. The look on this son of a bitch's face tells me, we're in deep shit.

Rick tells his old lady to grab their stuff, he tells us we are getting out here. I'm all for that, this place was more like a tomb than sanctuary.

As I'm heading back to get my shit, an alarm goes off. Big red flashing lights and loud sirens screaming, all of us starting to panic.

A countdown starts up on the big screen, something about decontamination again. I knew this asshole was up to something, he was keeping something from us.

I heard the clanging of metal, a huge steel door closing us in the room. I wasn't going out like this, I promised my B.J. I'd go on, I'd survive. I run at Jenner, reaching him just when Shane jerks me back.

Rick demands he lets us out, Jenner telling us we're locked in here. "I told you once that front door closed, it wouldn't open again. You heard me say that."

It hits me that I should have trusted my gut that first night that I should have called him on his bullshit then.

"What happens in 28 minutes?" Rick question had us all look at Jenner, wondering what was going to happen to us.

Jenner starts yelling about what they do, what they try to protect from getting out. I pace the floor, listening to him tell us we are going to die. He locked us in this tomb with him and it's going to explode, burn to the ground with us in it.

"No pain, an end to sorrow, grief … regret, everything." The doctor had given up, was ready to clock out. Not me, I had just made a promise to live, to keep the memory of my girls alive. I made a promise to my Bobbie Jo and I had never broken a promise to her and I damn sure wasn't going to start now.

I grab and ax, start hammering at the door. I hit it over and over, doing nothing. My anger and frustration gets the best at me as I come at Jenner with the ax. Dale and Rick hold me off, keeping me from taking his head off.

He tries to convince us this is better, but I'm not buying it and neither is Shane. Shane gets a shotgun, cocks it and holds it right at the doctor's face. Rick tries to talk him down, Shane getting so pissed he shoots at the computers.

I had to get out of here, had to find a way go on. I was going to find Merle again and I was going to survive.

Rick talks Jenner into opening the door, letting us out. I scream for everyone to go, hoping we get out before the countdown reaches zero.

I haul ass to the front, taking my ax to the windows. No matter what we do the damn glass won't break. Looking up, I grip the ax tight and whisper to my girls. "B.J., baby you might need to help me out of this one, okay."

Carol comes over to Rick, pulling a grenade out of her pack. Rick takes it over to the window as we all run for cover. "Yer still with me … ain't ya Red?'

The grenade goes off, glass shattering everywhere. Picking up my bag, I climb out and run for my truck. A big ugly walker comes at me and I take his head off with my ax.

We all run like crazy till we make it to our vehicles, I toss my ax in the back of my truck and climb in. My hand reaches for the ring in my pocket, sliding it over my little finger. "I'm keepin ya with me gurl."

I look up to see Dale and Andrea coming out, not sure why they're lagging behind. Everyone starts to hunker down in their cars; I do the same as I crush against the bench seat.

The place goes up, fire consuming the building as it explodes. I can feel the heat blast out, the percussion rocking my truck.

Rising from the truck seat, I let out a breath. Bobbi Jo called me her lesser angle, but now she's my guardian angel. I feel the metal of her wedding ring on my finger and the ice around my heart breaks, but the cage around it stays shut, I wasn't ready to open it up to any more hurt or heartache.

Feeling like I just got my life back, I pull the truck out behind the caravan and head out to where ever this new life takes me.

X ~ X ~ X

Adam's curiosity about me was getting the better of him. He had asked me the same questions Hershel had, only in more detail. I wash the supper dishes, rolling my eyes at him.

"For the last time Adam, I'm not some experiment for you. I thought you were a vet, not an infectious disease specialist. I don't know why I lived when others haven't, I don't know why I'm still here. You have my damn blood … ain't that enough?" I toss the dish towel on the counter, my temper making my face flush.

He backs away from me, holding his hands up. "I have some equipment at my place, a microscope and slides in my home office. I was studying to be a doctor, but the farm was going under and I had to come home. I would have been a great doctor, I know it. Just let me go back to the old farmhouse and get my stuff and I promise. I won't bother you again."

I walk past him, picking up my crossbow and bolts. "Okay … let's go."

I watch as his face goes from confused to concern. "I can take Jimmy or Otis."

Maggie is playing with Beryl in the living room, Ally and her children sitting with them. I place my handgun in the back of my jeans, pulling my crossbow over my shoulder.

"Maggie, watch Beryl for me. I'm going with Adam to get some stuff from his place. Don't let her out of the house, okay?" Ally and Maggie both give me that deer caught in headlights look.

"Why?" Ally looks over at her husband, her lips pulled tight.

"I have the only weapon that doesn't draw attention and Adam knows where his shit is. Otis and Jimmy will just be in the way." Ally's eyes narrow, looking furious at us both.

Adam takes her hand, walking out on the porch. Maggie picks Beryl up, holding her on her hip. "Okay, but be careful. Uh … B.J. … if you happen to come across any of the … rotters, try to avoid them and not kill them."

I cock my head sideways, not sure why she's asking me to do this. "Maggie, you understand these things want to kill us, will eat us alive if they can. They aren't people sweetie?"

She places her hand on my forearm, leaning towards me. "Please don't talk like that around Daddy. Don't ask why, just don't."

I nod my head, agreeing to do as she asks. Beryl gives me a hug and a kiss, her blue eyes tearing up. "Mommy, don't leave."

"I promise I'll be back Beryl. Be good for Maggie, okay?" I kiss her one more time, leaving my heart with her.

Adam is waiting for me with two horses, Ally still looking pissed at him. I mount up, Adam taking only a pack with him. "Where's your weapon?"

"You've got enough for the both of us." He smiles back at me, Hershel giving me a cross look as we ride off.

The ride is somewhat uneventful, only a handful of rotters to deal with. We manage to dodge most of them, having to bash one in the head. Adam goes stiff in his saddle as I hit the rotter with my bow, the rotter falling over to the forest floor bleeding.

It's dark when we get to the old farmhouse, Adam content to stay the night. I grab a candle off the mantle, seeing fresh blood on the living room floor. "Adam."

I point to the blood, Adam taking the handgun I give him. We follow the blood trail until we get to the stairs. Adam looks at me, his fingers swiping through a small pool of blood.

"Bobbi Jo … this is fresh … human." My eyes go wide as I try to find the reason for the blood.

The first thing that flashes in my mind is someone is squatting in the house or some not so nice people are here and they've hurt someone.

Adam raises the handgun, pointing up the stairs. I walk up first, keeping my bow at the ready. Tiptoeing up each step, I come to the landing. Adam stays close behind, his hands shaking as he holds the gun.

As I round the corner to the hallway, I hear someone coughing. We inch towards the first door on the right, the blood trail getting larger as we walk in.

My crossbow falls to my side when I see a bloody, pale Sam lying on the bed.

I run to him, dropping the crossbow on the floor. "Sam?"

He looks up at me, his gray eyes hollow. "Bobbi Jo … don't. I've been bit."

Tears spring into my eyes, my knees nearly buckling. Sitting on the bed beside him, I see the bites on his arms and neck. "How?"

"I found Merle, that one handed motherfucker threw me at the herd of walkers to save his own ass." This revelation smacks me hard. I knew Merle could be cold hearted at times, but heartless was another thing.

"Did you find Daryl?" He shakes his head, his fever burning him alive.

Adam leaves the room, coming back with a bowl of water and a washcloth. I wipe the cool rag over his face, cleaning the wounds on his arm and neck. Adam does his best to patch him up, both of us knowing he's dying.

As Sam starts to slip away, Adam pulls me into the hallway. Let me handle this, I know what to do.

I shove Adam against the wall, taking my handgun from him. "Fuck you and fuck this shit. Sam is my friend, my family … I will handle this."

Storming back into the room, I slam and lock the door. Adam begins to pound on the door, shouting for me to be reasonable. "B.J. … it doesn't have to be this way."

Sitting on the bed, I pull Sam's head in my lap. He looks up to me, giving me that wide mustached smile. "Hey girl, I did my best, but I couldn't find him. Merle said they were held up with a group for a while, that's when he lost his hand. I'm not sure if Merle got away from that herd. I hope they ate his sorry redneck ass."

"Shh, it's okay, Sam. I know you did your best. Merle has always been a selfish bastard; this world seems to bring the worst out in people. Sam … I won't leave you." He reaches his hand up, stroking my face.

"Bobbi Jo … you have to do it. Don't let me become one of those things." My tears flow down my face, my shoulders shaking.

I sit there, looking at the remains of my friend. Sam closes his eyes, placing my hand in his. "Do it … please."

Closing my eyes, I raise the colt to his temple. "I love you Sam."

"Love you too … Red." He closes his eyes and I place a kiss on his lips.

Squeezing the trigger, I end his pain. After I wipe my tears from my eyes, I kiss his forehead and walk over to the door. "We bury him … understand."

In the moonlight, with a few candles around us, we bury my friend, my savior and my brother. As the last of the dirt hits the grave, I kneel down beside it and cry like I hadn't cried since I left my father's farm.


	7. Lost

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 7: Lost

We were putting some miles between Atlanta, I decide to roll Merle's bike out for my new mode of transportation. As I pull the bike around it feels too good rumbling underneath me, Merle's belongings still in his saddlebags.

No matter what happens from here on out, I had Merle's bike, Bobbi Jo's ring and the memory of my baby girl to keep me going.

Rick was taking Shane call on our next location, Fort Benning. I really didn't care where we went, as long as it was away from all of this.

With the wind in my face, my winged vest on my back and the road ahead of me, I think of happier days. Days when I would take Bobbi Jo out riding, her arms around me tight. The way her arms held me tight, her face would press up against my back, all of it was what made the ride special to me.

I look over to my left hand, seeing the tattoo on my finger and her wedding band next to it. After all the time we'd spent together, I would have never thought we'd run out of time.

The sound of Beryl's small voice comes back to me, her sweet little voice yelling for me to go faster. Every waking moment I had these days seemed to contain a thought or a memory of my girls.

My daydreams are quickly ended when we run into a roadblock, cars and turned over trucks in the middle of the highway. I ride on up ahead, looking for a way through. When I spot one, I ride back to the RV to let the others know.

Dale follows my lead, weaving in and out of the cars. Rick in Carol's Jeep follows behind, all of us trying to get back on our way to Fort Benning.

The cars and bodies go on for miles, this highway now a boneyard. I look behind me, making sure Dale can fit through.

We're only a few feet ahead when I hear the RV creak and groan, steam blowing from the radiator. Everyone stops, surrounding the RV to get an idea of the situation.

I immediately start going through a car, looking for anything to fix the RV and maybe run across supplies.

T-Dog goes off to syphon some gas, everyone else looking for whatever we might need. Lori looks at Rick, having reservations about searching through a graveyard. I think to myself, their dead … they don't need it anymore.

I stop for a moment, thinking any of these people could be my B.J., my Beryl. Looking around, I see them for what they really are … people.

I go back to searching the cars, hoping to get back on the road and soon. Taking a bolt out, I put it between my teeth. I was going to be ready for whatever might be out there as I help T get gas. I had done things like this a hundred times with Merle, things that B.J. never approved of.

A small smile sneaks up on my lips, the vision of Bobbi Jo and Merle arguing and my girl not backing down.

I'm popping open a truck of a car when I look up to see Rick and the others sliding under the cars. A herd of walkers was coming our way, more than had attacked the farm that night.

Taking a cue from Rick, I squat between two trucks and tuck my crossbow close to me. I see a walker go by me, heading straight for T who had gotten his arm cut open.

Moving around the trucks, I toss my crossbow on the hood of a car nearby as I sink a screwdriver into the back of the walker's skull. I hold it tight around the neck as I drive the tool into the base of its head, thinking of the walker that took my Bobbi Jo from me.

In that moment, I let out some of my anger that had been eating me up inside.

I pull out my weapon, looking at T-Dog. His eyes are wide, his face full of shock. Putting my finger to my lips, I tell T to keep quiet. After I move him to the pavement, I place the dead walker on top, doing the same myself.

As I lay there with the dead body giving me camouflage, I keep one eye on the walkers that move past us. I watch one go by, her auburn hair so much like Bobbi Jo's that it sends a chill down my spine.

When the herd has passed by, I toss the decayed body from me and go to check on T. Giving him the rag from my back pocket; I help him wrap his bleeding arm. These people are all I have in this world, well at least till I find Merle again.

Making sure T is okay, I catch up with the others. Dale tells me that two walkers chased Carol's little girl into the woods and Rick went after her.

I go back for my crossbow, ready to follow in after them when Rick comes back without Sophia. I look at him; the lost look in his eyes reminding me of the day Merle told me that my little girl was gone.

We head back into the woods, Rick taking Glenn, Shane and me to where he left Sophia by the river bank.

Rick tells us he told Sophia to keep the sun to her left and head back to the highway. Looking around, I see some footprints and decide to track after her.

The tracks lead up to a clearing, the tracks veering off away from the highway. Rick tells Shane and Glenn to head back to the group, to keep them calm while he and I head off towards Sophia's tracks.

I can't help but think that finding this little girl was my way of saving mine. Since Beryl was gone and I wasn't able to save her, I sure as hell was going to lose this one.

Rick looks over to me, noticing the ring on my finger. He doesn't say a word, only nodding back at me. I take it off, placing it back in my pocket. "You don't have to do that."

I take hold of my crossbow again, looking back at him. "Yeah … I do."

We stay quite as we follow the tracks, my eyes paying attention to every little detail before me.

"The tracks are gone." Rick stops walking, not seeing what I see.

"No, they're faint, but they ain't gone. She came through here." I stay in my hunched position, never letting my eyes wander.

"How can you tell? I don't see anythang. Dirt, grass." He was lost and I felt a little superior to him in that moment.

"You want a lesson in trackin or you want to find that girl and get our ass off that interstate?" I keep walking forward, feeling Rick close behind me.

If there was one thing I was damn good at, it was tracking. I had been doing it most of my life and was even better than Merle at it. I had planned on showing the skill to my kids, maybe pass the one good thing my old man showed to me off to them.

With the children I've never have, the one child I'd never know on my mind, I keep following Sophia's tracks. Rick and I both squat down when we hear a rustling, my crossbow quick up.

We spot a walker, Rick and I splitting up to take it down. With Rick running in front of it to gain its attention, I sneak up behind it and put a bolt through its skull.

Jerking the bolt free, I call out for Sophia. Rick begins to examine the walker, looking for any signs that it may have gotten Sophia.

He rolls it over, pulling some fresh flesh out of the dead things teeth. I feel a burning in the pit of my stomach, one of these fuckers had done the same to my little girl.

I look closely at the piece of flesh, not sure if it's human. Rick opens the walker's shirt, ready to cut its gut open.

Looking at Rick, I could tell he hadn't gutted or skinned too many kills in his life. To me this was second nature; to me this was another day in the woods.

Straddling the walker, I take out my knife and plunge it into the walker's chest. Pulling back, I begin to work my blade through the rotting flesh until the walker is completely gutted.

"Here comes the bad part." With my gloved hands, I dig into the stomach and feel around for this bastard's last meal.

I can tell he had a big meal not long ago as I pull the gut bag out. Rick cut the bag open, revealing that it wasn't human, but woodchuck it had eaten last.

We track till the trail goes cold, both of us agreeing to go back while we still have daylight.

I felt awful, going back without that little girl, but I knew I couldn't track in the dark. Sophia was lost and honestly, until now, I had been too.

X ~ X~ X

I sit on the porch, the memory of Sam's last moments playing over in my head. Here I was alive after being bit and he lay dead in the unforgiving ground.

Nothing about this new world was fair; nothing about it makes any sense. I was one by one losing my family, my friends and even though I had managed to make new friends, I felt utterly alone.

Ally comes out on the porch, her smile not as bright as usual. "Care for some company?"

I wave for her to sit down, placing my feet up in my chair and wrapping my arms around my knees. She rocks back, the summer sun starting to set.

Adam walks out on the porch, Ally waving him back in. "It's okay ... he can join us."

The mournful tone of my voice makes Ally tear up, her hand reaching over and taking mine. "I'm real sorry about Sam. I know what he meant to you. B.J. don't give up hope, don't give up on Daryl. God will bring you two back together."

I let out a grunt, closing my eyes. "God ... I think God is either gone or laughing at us all."

She squeezes my hand a little tighter, her eyes looking sad. "You don't believe do you?"

"I use to, before all of this. My father was a man of faith and look what his faith got him ... dead, no worse ... ripped apart." My anger mixes with my sorrow as I release her hand.

Ally lets a tear fall, my sadness affecting her. I watch as she walks back into the house, making me feel like a complete jackass. I was taking my bitterness, my frustration out on her.

After sitting there a while longer, I move to go inside when she Ally comes back out all smiles. The sun was nearly down now and the low glow of the sun was casting its evening shadows over the farm.

She places a bowl in my lap, two pieces of chocolate and a spoonful of peanut butter inside. "You got me thinking, we need to cherish even the smallest of things. I'd been saving this for a special occasion, but you need a pick me up."

I can't help but smile back at her; this was something Diane would have done for me. Picking up a square of chocolate, I dip it into the creamy peanut butter and place it in my mouth.

The soft, sweet sensation of it on my tongue brings back so many happy thoughts, triggering the dam of emotions I'd been holding back to burst forth. I weep as I eat the chocolate, Ally not saying a word.

"What do you miss most, besides Daryl?" She swipes the spoon of peanut butter, finishing it off.

"I don't know ... my family I guess." I shrug my shoulders, not sure what to say.

She giggles, leaning back in the rocker. "I miss frozen yogurt with chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream. I miss crawling in the middle of my bed with a pint of rocky road ice cream and watching really bad scary movies. I miss the little things, the things that I know I'll never have again."

I can see the reservation in her eyes, as if she didn't want to remember too much. Placing the bowl on the floor, I lean back and think of the one thing I miss most.

"I miss looking into Daryl's soft blue eyes and just getting lost. There were times when we'd just look at each other, holding hands and not speaking. I could feel my thoughts melt away as I'd lose myself in those heavenly blue eyes and wish I didn't ever have to look away." My lips curl into a half smile, the image of those cool blue eyes still fresh in my mind.

Ally begins to giggle, nearly in a fit of laughter. "I think we both miss one thing ... sex."

"What? You and Adam aren't ... you know?" I lift my eyebrows, completely dumbfounded.

"No ... not since all of this started. He's been too reoccupied for certain things." The look on Ally's face tells me she's a woman in need, in need of some alone time with her husband.

"I'll watch the kids if you and Adam want some time alone." I wanted to give her a moment of normal.

I sit watching her think it over, her eyes lighting up as she nods her head. "Okay, sure … but I warn you, my two can be a handful."

The next morning comes and I'm already regretting offering my babysitting duties. Aaron was being a typical eight year old boy, bouncing his ball in the house while Abby and Beryl play dolls at the kitchen table.

Adam and Ally spend the day locked in their room, Hershel telling everyone to stay downstairs. I could see the elder Greene knew exactly what was going on and wanted to help his brother in law reconnect with his wife.

As I sit on the porch, breaking up some green beans, Aaron comes out looking very restless. "Can I go play out by the meadow?"

"No Aaron, go play in the front yard." He stomps off, sticking his tongue out at me as he leaves.

"Don't worry about him; he's only being a boy. I'll take him fishing if you want." Otis gives me a big grin as Patricia sits down beside me with another basket of beans.

"Thanks, but Ally wants him to stay close." Otis pulls his hat down over his eyes, picking up his guitar. The sound of the strings being strummed is so soothing, I had forgotten how beautiful music can be.

Soon after Aaron goes back inside, his surly attitude not much better. "You aren't the boss of me."

"Today … I am. Get inside with your sister." Patricia giggles, tossing some beans into my bowl.

It's near lunchtime when Maggie and Beth come out to help us collect the beans, Maggie grinning.

"You sure did put Aaron in his place, he said you're mean. He's a handful, but he's a good kid." I grin back at her, shaking my head.

As we make our way to the kitchen, I see Beryl and Abby asleep in the living room. "Beth … Maggie … have you seen Aaron?"

Beryl wakes up; sleep still clinging to her eyes. "Hims went home."

I pick her up, stroking the back of her head. "Went home?"

Beryl points her finger towards the kitchen, the back door standing wide open.

Maggie, Hershel and I rush out, yelling Aaron's name. "Hershel, what if he did go home?"  
He nods to Otis, telling Patricia to go upstairs to get Adam. "We'll get him back."

I look at Maggie, her face telling me she understands. I had to help them find him, had to get him back since he went missing on my watch. Hershel doesn't argue with me, only telling me to let him and Otis handle any of the infected we find.

I agree and we're out the door, Ally in tears as we leave.


	8. Not Knowing

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 8: Not Knowing

Night comes and I feel the heaviness of my lost weighing on my chest, sitting on my shoulders. Going out to look for Sophia only reminded me that I couldn't lose another little girl; I couldn't let Carol feel what I felt every single day.

Sleep doesn't come easy, my nightmares haunting me through the night. I finally manage an hour or so of sleep, waking up early to get back out there and look for Sophia.

Rick is ready to go, giving out orders and making sure everyone knows what to do. Following the creek will be our best bet, since it is the only landmark Sophia will have.

With my crossbow over my shoulder, I get ready to leave. Rick and the others gather some supplies for the day, leaving Dale and T-Dog to repair the R.V.

I stand by a car, listening to Andrea and Dale argue over her gun. They go on about Dale taking her choice to end her life her way back at the CDC, she wanted out. I felt that way myself when Merle took me away from the farm, the house burning behind us and my family gone.

It wasn't until Jenner locked us in that I realized, I have to live for my girls. B.J.'s initials on my finger will always be a reminder of the vow I made to her, to love her till the day I died.

After Andrea says her peace, she walks off and the rest of us follow. We get back to the looking for Sophia, leaving all the bullshit back at the highway.

Rick puts me at point, everyone else falling in line. Only me, Rick and Shane are packing, Lori had brought some knives and hand axes with her. I wasn't sure how many walkers we'd run into but it was good we're prepared.

We're not in the woods long when I spot a tent, bringing up my hand to halt everyone behind me. I approach the tent, Shane and Rick following. I knew there could be anything in there, maybe even walkers.

Taking my hunting knife from my belt, I make my way to the front of the tent and look around.

I don't hear any voices or see any movement. I look back at Rick and he calls Carol to him. With my knife up, I wait for Carol to call out for Sophia.

Carol says Sophia's name, telling her to come out. No answer comes, Rick and Shane walking towards me. I slowly unzip the front flap, Rick taking his gun in his hands.

The smell of decaying flesh is overwhelming, making me cough. I step inside to find a maggot infested corpse with a revolver in its hand. This som'bitch chose option B … bullet to the brain.

Carol calls out to me; I can hear the worry in her voice. I take the revolver from the corpse and tuck it in the back of my pants. Exiting the tent I see the group looking at me, Carol waiting for any word of Sophia.

"It ain't her." I walk out, taking in some fresh air.

Andrea chimes in, wanting to know who it is. I pick up my crossbow, telling them like it is.

"Some guy did what Jenner said. Opted out. Ain't that what he called it?" I barely have time to catch a breath when we hear church bells ringing.

We all run full out towards the sound of the bells, trying to figure which way to go. A few opinions on who could be ringing the bells is tossed around, but it doesn't much matter as long as Sophia can hear them too.

The last time I had heard church bells was at my father in law's church, the Sunday before the world fell apart. I had pulled up outside the church, Bobbi Jo brining some food in for a church picnic. That was a good day for all of us, one of the last happy days I can remember having.

We come upon a cemetery, finding a small church on the other side. Shane tells Rick that this can't be the church; it didn't have a steeple or bells.

Rick takes off anyway, all of us running towards the little white church.

The Southern Baptist Church with the red front doors was like a jolt to my scenes, it looked just like the front of Robert's church. I take a deep breath, climbing up the stairs and wait for Rick to open the doors.

When the door opens, we find three walkers setting inside as if they were waiting for a sermon. Lori hands Rick a long blade, Glenn giving me a hatchet. I pass him my crossbow as I walk over to this ugly bitch snarling at me.

A few slices and jabs later and the walkers are a bloody mess on the church floor.

Rick yells Sophia's name, my patience starting to fray. I walk up to the crucifix and stare at Christ hanging there. "Yo, J.C., you takin requests."

Faith hadn't done shit for me and sure as hell didn't do anything for my girls. B.J. would sometimes pray, tried to have some faith but in the end, none of it mattered.

The bells ring again, loud and clear. I bolt from the church, running around to the side. We find a speaker fixed to a timer, the sound of the bells generated from that. Glenn pulls the wires on the timer, stopping the ringing.

I wait in the back of the church, Rick, Glenn and Carl standing with me. I listen to Carol pray for the Lord to spare her little girl, to let her be alive and safe. I wanted to tell her to save her breath, praying is just empty words going nowhere. If praying would have brought my girls back, kept them safe, I would have been on my knees every night.

The sorrow in this place gets to me, making me want to put some space between it and me. Leaving the church, we all gather up at a tree when Shane comes over to tell us to head back and search the other side of the creek bed. He and Rick was staying behind, leaving me in charge of the other group.

I wasn't too sure about splitting up; it wasn't something I would have done.

Carl decides to stay with his old man, Rick letting him. As we get ready to head out, Rick hands Lori his gun. She refuses to take it, her spunk much like Bobbi Jo's. I take the revolver I had and give it to her, knowing it will make Rick feel better.

Keeping my eyes glued at my surroundings, I'm finding the choice to separate a little hard to swallow. Carol speaks up first, wondering if this is it. After Andrea mouths off, Lori cuts into us all. She lets us know real fast that Rick is doing the best he can and that not one of us could have done any better.

With my back up against a tree, I look at her and feel the truth hit me hard. She was right; we had to stop second guessing Rick. Part of my pissy attitude was with myself, for not doing more to save my family. It felt good for a moment to see fault in someone else's choices, when my own hadn't been that great.

I can hear B.J. in Lori's words, in her tone and I have to fight back the grin that's itching to bust out. My wife wasn't foreign to giving people a good tongue lashing, her sassy nature often lashing me a few times

With our tails tucked between our legs, we move on. The sound of Bobbi Jo's voice echoes in my head, her words as stern as always. "Listen Dixon, I ain't givin up and neither are you."

X~X~X

I wait on the porch for the others, studying the footprints on the ground. I look over at Adam, his eyes set wide. "Do you think you can find him?"

"Yeah, but I'd prefer if we did this, just the two of us. All of us out there making noise in the woods is gonna draw rotters in."

Adam walks over to Hershel and the others, taking Hershel's shotgun. "We're gonna go look for Aaron. You need to stay here in case he's just out wandering around the farm. We'll be back before dark, beside … I think Otis wanted to bag us a deer for dinner."

I watch as Adam's silver tongue talks his brother in law and the others into staying behind. He walks up to me with this very pleased grin on his face. I shake my head, pulling my crossbow over my shoulder.

Walking carefully towards the woods, I see some footprints veer off towards the meadow.

I wave for Adam to follow me, the two of us walking into the tall grass of the meadow. "Aaron."

Adam whispers over and over as we walk, the only sound coming back is Hershel's cows.

We continue to follow the trail, the tall grass bent where Aaron had been. When I find an apple core, I know we're on the right path.

We keep walking until we come to a big, tall, bulky tree, the footprints ending there. I look up to see Aaron lying in the branches, looking like he's asleep.

I point up the tree, Adam climbing up. Waiting at the bottom, I hear growls coming from the creek nearby. Walking towards the muddy creek, I see a walker trapped in the sediment, jerking to free her legs.

Raising my crossbow, I mean to end her misery. Before I can pull the trigger, a hand grabs my crossbow, lowering it.

"No … don't." I look back to see Adam, Aaron clinging to his side.

"That thing … it will kill all of us if it gets free." I raise my bow again, only to have Adam step in front of me.

I let out a sigh, clenching my jaw. "What the hell? What do you plan on doing with it Adam, leaving it there?"

Aaron picks up a long stick, poking it at the rotter. Adam jerks him back, tossing him to the forest floor. "You are in enough trouble … stop it."

"I want to see her kill it." Aaron jumps back to his feet, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I don't kill them for fun." I look at the little brat, wishing his father would tan his backside.

"It's gonna be dark soon, we need to get back." Adam takes Aaron by the hand, jerking him towards the farm.

I look back at the rotter, knowing if it does get free it will come for the farm and for us. I don't waste any time raising my bow quickly and put a bolt in its head.

"Bobbi Jo!" Adam screams at me, his voice booming over the meadow.

"You are all in fucking denial, these things can't be fixed, can't be cured … they are mindless eating machines." I move to walk past Adam when he takes me by the top of my arm.

"We handle the infected here. You need to get that through your head if you're gonna stay." His voice is even but stern, making me want to slap him hard.

"Oh, I get it, but if one of those damn things come after me or my daughter … I will kill it. Once my baby is born …I'm out of here." I can feel the heat coming from my face, my eyes glaring back at the man before me.

I walk out ahead of them; silence the only companion I have. Aaron mumbles something about the barn when Adam caps his hand over his son's mouth. There was something fishy going on here, something I knew wasn't normal.

It's still daylight when we get back, Hershel waiting for us on the porch. "Looks like you found him. Did you have any trouble?"

I lean my crossbow up against the house, not speaking. Hershel stands, looking at Adam. I go in the house, finding Beryl playing with Beth in the living room.

Picking up my daughter, I hold her close and wonder if growing up in a world like this will change her sweet nature; change the pure heart she has.

"Mommy … Bethy braid my hair." I look at the braided piggy tails that Beth had given her, smiling back at the pretty blonde before me.

"Thanks for lookin after her." Beth gives me a brief smile, kissing the top of Beryl's head.

"My pleasure, she's no trouble at all." She walks into the kitchen, Maggie coming in from the porch.

I can see a panicked look on Maggie's face, as if something were very wrong. "Please don't leave. Please stay … for me."

I hug her, holding on to her while I cry. She holds on to me, telling me how she loves having me here.

Ally comes racing down the stairs, Abby in her arms. "Aaron Edward … you are grounded. You are not to leave this house or go outside unless I say so!"

Maggie and I both begin laughing when Aaron starts crying, Ally continuing to scream at her oldest child.

Taking Maggie's hand, I reassure her it was my anger speaking and I was going to stay.

We walk into the kitchen, Beryl following after. Beth looks over to us, singing as she peels some potatoes.

This place, Hershel's home was the next best thing to having my family back. The only thing I was missing was my husband. "Maggie, I do need to go looking for Daryl. I have to know."

"I understand, but we both know … it's not safe out there. Wait till the baby is born and then we'll talk about it again." She picks up a paring knife, helping Beth with the potatoes.

Rubbing my baby bump, I didn't see how I could wait much longer to go looking for Daryl. Dead or alive, I had to know.


	9. Strange Days

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 9: Strange Days

I'm on the front porch with Maggie when we spot someone off in the distance. Maggie picks up her binoculars and quickly turns to yell for Hershel. Everyone comes out, Jimmy with a big bat.

Adam and Ally had retreated upstairs, closing their little family off from the world for the moment.

I walk out toward the steps, Maggie reaching for me. "Bobbi Jo … come back here."

We see a man holding a young boy walking towards us, Hershel asking if he was bitten.

My heart flutters when he tells us that Otis shot his son, the big lovable oaf almost did the same thing to me and Adam a few days back.

Hershel starts barking out orders as we all walk in, he points for me to sit in the living room as Patricia and Maggie go off to fetch the items he asked for.

I watch the man in his sheriff's uniform place his pale, lifeless son on the bed. I reach out taking Beryl, curling my arms around her.

"Is he sick?" My daughter looks up at me, fear in her eyes.

"He's hurt is all baby. Let's go play in the living room and let Hershel help him." I take her small hand, feeling so grateful to have her alive and healthy beside me.

The man walks out, blood staining his uniform. The lost look in his eyes sends shudders down my spine; he looked like a ghost as he floated towards the front door.

From the couch, I could see Otis with another man that had to be with the sheriff. I leave Beryl playing on the couch as I easy my way towards the front door.

His friends wipes blood from his face and arm, the two men obviously close, maybe even brothers.

I move back as they walk in, leaning back against the wall. I wanted to do something, anything to help him. If that were my Beryl, I would want anyone to do whatever they could.

The two men come into the living room where I am and I go off to get them both a glass of water. The sheriff doesn't take any but the other man does, thanking me.

"Is there anything I do for you …" He looks up at me, his face still pale.

"Uh … Rick, I'm Rick and this is Shane. That's my boy … Carl." He places his hands back together, resting his elbows on his knee.

"I'm Bobbi Jo and this is my daughter Beryl. If I can do anythang for either of you, let me know." I walk out of the room, taking Beryl with me.

Rick and Shane start talking when I leave; his voice carries a note of doubt. I could hear the trepidation in his words, just like mine did when I first left the farm.

Sitting in the kitchen, I let my fingers play with my tattoo. I close my eyes and think of Daryl, wishing I could hold him just one more time.

Maggie's voice echoes through the house as she comes out and tells Rick his son needs blood. The sound of Carl screaming in agony brings tears to my eyes, Beryl crawling up in my lap.

"Make it stop Mommy … they is hurtin that boy." I rock her in my arms as she cries; this new world was too cruel sometimes.

When I hear Rick scream for Hershel to stop, that he's killing him, I take Beryl and bolt out the door. I don't stop till I'm at the fence, my tears rolling hot down my face.

All I could think is that could be Beryl in there or that could be Daryl somewhere screaming for me.

I pace back and forth along the fence line when Beth and Jimmy come out to get me. "You need to go back inside. You need to help me talk Adam and Ally into staying, they are going back home."

Looking up at the doe eyed girl, I wipe my tears. "Let them go. They have to do what is right for their family, just like I have to do what is right for mine."

With Beryl in my arms, I walk out back to find Adam and Ally getting ready to leave. "You can come back with us, but we can't stay here. Aaron and Abby are too much trouble for Hershel and the girls. I can keep a closer eye on them back home. Are you coming?"

"No, I'm staying. Hershel is a good man and a good doctor, even if he is a vet. My baby will be coming in a few months and I'll need him and the girls. I wish you the best Adam and thank you for everythang." I hug them both, Aaron running off towards the stable.

I take Beryl back inside, the house quiet for all the activity that had been taking place. Maggie and Otis are in the living room, Otis praying. I look up when Rick walks out, his face now ashen.

Shane and Rick talk about finding his wife Lori, Shane telling Rick he'd handle it.

I look at Shane and see myself, the determination I had when I told Merle to take Daryl and go. When I handed him my wedding ring, I knew I was giving him the key to Daryl's heart.

As they talk, I feel like I'm eavesdropping into a private moment between them, the two of them leaning on one another for strength and support.

Hershel walks out, his news going from good to bad to worse. The boy was stable, but he had internal bleeding, Hershel need to remove the other fragments and soon.

As he tells Rick he's going to have to operate on Carl, I feel a lump form in the back of my throat. Any doubts about staying are erased in that moment, hearing Hershel speak so fluently about his craft.

They discuss getting the necessary supplies to the do operation; Otis remembering the hospital went up in flames about a month ago. Then just like a light bulb clicking in Otis's brain, he remembers the FEMA station that had been set up at the local high school.

My heart beings to pound in my chest as Otis volunteers to take Shane out to the high school, Patricia protesting from the bedroom door.

The rotters had swarmed that place last he knew, he could only hope that it wasn't so bad now. From my experience and everything Sam had told me, those fucking walking corpses were everywhere.

I knew from the brief time I had spent on the farm, that Otis is indeed a good man. His guilt for shooting that boy would eat him up inside if he didn't do this. I give him a hug, his large arms squeezing me back.

"I'll see you real soon. I ain't missing this little one coming into the world." He gives me a kiss on the cheek, before he and Shane head out the door.

From the porch I can see Adam and Ally riding off, their children up in the saddle with them. I knew why Adam was leaving; he wanted to do things his way and not Hershel's. When I killed that rotter out by the creek, I could tell he wanted it dead as much as I did, but Hershel's rules forbid it.

Now Adam was leaving and Hershel didn't have time to try to stop him or talk him out of it.

Maggie comes out with this urgent look on her face. I reach out taking her hand, stopping her before she leaves. "What going on?"

"I'm gonna go look for Rick's wife. She needs to be here." I look back over my shoulder towards the house when Maggie begins shaking her head.

"I want to go with you, I want to help." I grip her hand tighter, but she pulls away from me.

"You need to help with Rick, keep him calm and well. He's just given Carl blood and may have to again before I get back. Watch him, that's what you can do to help." Her eyes smile back at me, giving me the nudge I need to go back inside.

Maggie is soon riding off, her baseball bat secured to her saddle. I knew Maggie could handle herself, she's one tough cookie.

Going back inside, Rick is sitting with Carl. I lean against the doorframe, asking if he needs anything.

"You're little gurl … how old is she?" He looks up at me, his hands shaking.

"She's two, closer to three." Hershel walks by, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I remember when Carl was that age, always into thangs. He went through the why phase and I bet he asked why a hundred times a day." Rick looks over to his son sleeping, tears filling his blue eyes.

"My Beryl is different, she a lot like her Daddy, he's a quiet man. He doesn't say much, but when he does you know it." I turn to go when Rick asks me to stay.

I sit down in the room across from him, his eyes never leaving his son.

"Your husband, he alive?" I reach up and pull my shirt closed, remembering I had opened it earlier to feel of my tattoo.

"I'm not sure, we got separated." He nods to me, casting his eyes my way.

"Sorry to hear that." I smile back at him, seeing his hope dimming in his eyes.

"Listen, why don't you go out on the porch and get some fresh air. Maggie will be back soon with your wife. I'll go get you something to eat; you need to keep your strength up." I get out of the chair and make it to the door when Rick calls my name.

"Bobbi Jo … thank you for looking after me." He gets up and walks towards me.

I put my arm around his waist, helping him to the screen door. "You'd do the same for me … I know it."

He goes out on the porch and I head to the kitchen. Hershel gives me a pleased smile, washing his hands. "You were born to help others, you have that healers touch."

I start making Rick a sandwich, Beryl helping Beth shuck some corn. I didn't feel like a healer, but it was good Hershel thought so.

Hershel pats me on the shoulder as he walks out to join Rick, his gentle touch just like every gentle touch my father had given me. There were moments I could swear I was back at my farm, this place was like home.

Going to the door to take Rick his food, I see him hugging his wife as she cries. I drop the plate, my body now racked with sobs. Beth comes running up to me, helping me back into the kitchen.

"I ain't ever gonna hold Daryl like that again, I ain't ever gonna feel his arms around me again … I know it Bethy." I lay my head on my hands and cry hard.

I take Beryl back up to our room, grabbing her doll on the way. "Momma, where we going?"

"Momma needs to be alone right now. You can play in our room sweetie." We climb the stairs, my legs feeling as if weighs are tied to them.

I felt guilty for being jealous of Rick and Lori, for them being about to hold each other and comfort each other. I had a child that was healthy and in one piece and they had a son that might not life to see another sunrise.

Closing my bedroom door, I settle in for the night, shoving this strange day out of my head.

X~X~X

We're still tracking through the woods when we hear a gunshot. I don't make much of it; it could easily be someone out hunting.

Walking a little further on, Lori stops. I can tell she's worried about the gunshot, her husband and son are out there.

I was like her once, worried about my wife and baby girl. They were my only priority for the longest time, nothing or nobody else mattered.

Now I had a new little girl to worry about, we had to find Sophia.

I try to calm Lori, telling her maybe they were shooting at a walker. Her razor sharp tongue cuts into me, telling me not to patronize her.

Standing here arguing about it wasn't doing anyone any good; we had to keep beating the bushes for Sophia.

I'm ready to get back to it when Andrea and Carol stop to have a little chat, the two of them going on about hoping and praying that Sophia is alright.

Hoping and praying wasn't gonna keep her little safe, it sure as hell didn't keep mine safe. Either Sophia was alive or she wasn't, but I knew she had to be. The Lord couldn't be that cruel as to let this happen to me twice.

"We're all hoping and praying with you, for what it's worth." Andrea looks at Carol as if she doesn't believe what she's saying.

I can't keep quiet anymore; I have to say my peace. "I'll tell ya what it's worth, not a damn thing. It's a waste of time, all this hoping and praying. Cause we're gonna locate that little girl, she's gonna be just fine. Am I the only one Zen around here? Good Lord."

Walking past Lori, I see the smirk on her face and feel my heart strings tug. That coy little smile was just like the one B.J. had given me at least a dozen times.

We walk on; keep walking until the light begins to fade. I tell the group we need to call it a day, that we're losing the light. Another day of not finding that little girl was starting to get to me, eating away at me like cancer.

They all agree to call it a night, Carol looking as if she's not sure we'll find Sophia at all.

We're about a hundred yards from the highway when a walker goes after Andrea. She screams out, all of us running towards her. The damn walker has her pinned down to the ground, Andrea kicking and screaming.

All of a sudden this girl comes riding up with a ball bat in her hand, smashing the walker in the head. She yells out for Lori, telling her Rick sent her, that there was an accident and Carl had been shot.

Lori takes off her backpack and gets on the horse, even though I tell her not to. I wasn't sure about this girl, we didn't know her. She tells us about the others on the highway and how we can get to her farm, that we'd find the name Greene on a mailbox.

The walker rises up, moaning. I put a bolt in its head, pissed at the world. "Shut up."

When we make it back to the highway, we tell Dale everything that happen. He goes on about Carl being shot in his usual Dale over reacting style.

Dale starts to bust my balls about letting Lori go off with horse girl, making my sour mood even worse. "Climb out of my asshole man. Rick sent her. She knew Lori's name and Carl's."

Gathering my senes for a second, I think over our options. The others are ready to pull up stakes and move on, but Carol is afraid Sophia might come back.

I agree to stay, make up a sign and gather supplies for Sophia come morning. Dale agrees to stay and so does Andrea.

Dale tells Glenn to go, to get T-Dog to the farm. T has a bad blood infection, his cut is real bad. I remember the stash of drugs in Merle's saddle bags; I knew he had some antibiotics in there somewhere. Merle's choice in women often lead to him getting the clap now and again.

As the sun sets, I get ready to turn in for the night. The RV was like a coffin, the tin box caving in on me. Closing my eyes, I can only hope the sun rises soon.

When I do fall asleep, I'm greeted by the most beautiful smile, her blue eyes shimmering like a cool summer pond. I reach for her, but Bobbi Jo keeps walking away from me. "Come to me Daryl …I'm here waitin."

I wake up, her words still bouncing around my brain. "What do you want gurl? What?"

Dale looks at me, his hat resting over his eyes. "You okay son?"

I grumble as I roll over, burying my head in my arms.


	10. Into the Darkness

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 10: Into the Darkness

Beryl tells me she's hungry, I had locked us away for the night without any dinner. I take her hand as we walk down the stairs, Hershel waiting for me at the bottom.

"You can't hide from your pain Bobbi Jo; it will always be with you. You need to surround yourself with people that care about you and Beryl. Go on in the kitchen and help the girls, it will do you some good." He gives me a quick hug, his blue eyes holding so much wisdom and strength.

Waiting for Shane and Otis to come back, I help Beth and Maggie with dinner. Patricia helps Hershel look after Carl, the small boy not looking so good.

I take Rick and Lori a sandwich, Hershel insisting Rick eats to keep his strength up. The worried parents wait by Carl's beside, Loir sitting on the bed with him. I hear Rick tell Lori a story about Shane, probably to calm her nerves and reassure her Shane will be back with the equipment to safe Carl's life.

Beryl runs in the room, her little smile lighting up her face. "Who are you sweetie?" Lori wipes her tears, smiling back at my daughter.

"I is Beryl." She giggles out, her auburn locks tossing about as she swishes her head from side to side.

Taking her hand, I tell her to leave them alone. Lori looks up at me, her eyes filling with tears again. "She's beautiful, she yours?"

"Yes and she's a handful. Sorry to bother you." I turn to go when Lori thanks me for my kindness, Rick doing the same.

Beryl releases my hand, running to Beth. I can see the bond they have already, Beth is so good with her.

Maggie looks over to Patricia, both of us knowing how worried she was. We decide to keep her busy, hoping the preoccupation keeps her mind from wandering.

After dinner Maggie and I go to sit on the porch, both of us thinking the same thing. Shane and Otis may not come back at all.

I hear the sound of a car approaching, Maggie telling me it must be Rick's people. I wasn't sure if I was ready for more people, but from the looks of them they needed our help.

Maggie plays coy with the Asian boy that walks on the porch with a black man. As we stand, we see a wound on the black man's arm; he quickly assures us it's not a bite.

The Asian boy gives Maggie some painkillers and antibiotics he has, the both of them looking wore out.

She tells them to come inside, I move past her and head to the kitchen to make them something to eat.

They stop off by the bedroom where Carl is, the look on their faces giving away their concern. These people had made a family; they care for each other and felt each other's pain.

I eat up a plate for the two men, both of them thanking me. The Asian boy speaks up first, his eyes carrying the burden of this new world.

"I'm Glenn; this is T-Dog … thank you for helping us." I sit the plates down, smiling back at them.

"Don't thank me, thank Maggie … thank Hershel. This is their farm; I'm just a guest here too. Name's Bobbi Jo and this is my little girl Beryl." I point to the sleeping child in the next room, Glenn smiling back at me.

Carl wakes up, his coughing gaining my attention. The happy moment with Rick and Lori doesn't last long as the boy begins to have a seizure, my heart sinking in my chest.

I hear Hershel tell Rick that Carl's blood isn't getting enough blood, that he needs another transfusion. Hershel doesn't want to take any more blood from Rick, worrying he won't survive it.

As Hershel prepares to take more blood from Rick, I step in the room and volunteer. "Hershel, I can give him blood … I'm O positive."

He turns and looks at me, Rick and Lori both staring at me. Hershel shakes his head, absolutely refusing. "You're pregnant; I can't take your blood. You could become anemic and that could harm the baby."

I sit in the chair next to Rick, rolling up my sleeve. "Take half from Rick and half from me. That could be Beryl someday, I want to do this."

Lori whispers thank you to me, Rick's blue eyes locked on my face. "You don't have to do this … you don't owe us anythang."

A single tear rolls down my face, my bottom lip trembling. "No, I don't, but I won't sit here and let your little boy die either."

Hershel preps my arm, the needle hurting so bad I tear up again. "I won't take much, just enough to keep Rick from getting sick."

"Take what you need Hershel … please." Turning my head, I bite hard into my bottom lip.

My head becomes a little woozy as I sit there, Hershel only taking have the bottle from me. "I can give more."

"No, you need to go rest now." Hershel gives me a stern glare as he places the cleaned needle in Rick's arm.

Maggie helps me make it to the living room, Beryl still sleeping. Patricia is getting out the suturing kit, T-Dog's arm needing more than a few stitches.

I lean my head back on the high back chair, my arm throbbing. My eyes close shut, the blood lost making me tired. As I'm about to drift off to sleep, I hear Merle's name and then Daryl's.

I get up too quickly from the chair, falling over. Beth runs to me, helping me back up. "Let me and Jimmy help you upstairs."

"No … take me in there." I point my finger to the dining room, my eyes tearing up.

Glenn walks right past me, Maggie following him out. I sit down beside Patricia as she finishes up the stitches.

"Honey, you need to eat somethang … maybe get a glass of orange juice." T-Dog winches as Patricia finishes the last stitch, my mind racing.

"How do you know Merle and Daryl Dixon?" The words fly out of my mouth, tears burning my eyes.

"They were in our camp, Daryl still is. Why?" T-Dog gives me the once over, not sure what I'm getting at.

"This Merle, he a surly, mouthy, bigoted asshole of a redneck and walking around with one hand now?" I lean towards him, his brown eyes growing bigger.

"Yeah and his brother Daryl was like him, loud mouth redneck that followed his brother round. How the hell do you know them?" Patricia places a bandage over the stitches, her face showing concern for me.

I lean back in my chair, my hand rubbing my belly. He looks down at my hand, watching me rub my baby bump. "Oh Lawd …did one of those assholes rape you?"

"Language … we don't talk like that here." Patricia scolds him, T-Dog looking very pissed.

I start to cry, my tears flowing. "No ... that ain't it." I wipe my tears when Patricia reaches over to take my hand.

"Honey … is that your Daryl he's talkin about?" I squeeze her hand back, nodding my head.

"I'll be … you and Daryl Dixon had a thang?" I look up to T-Dog, my body feeling numb.

"He's … he's my husband." A blast of heat hits me, making it hard to catch my breath. I start to hyperventilate when Maggie walks back in.

Patricia tries to calm me, her eyes darting to Maggie. "We need to get some juice in her; she's going to pass out."

Looking up at Maggie, the room goes dark and I tip forward.

X~X~X

With the sound of Carol crying in the next room and Andrea cleaning the guns, I know I'm not going to find sleep.

I hated the idea of that little girl begin out there alone and scared. If that were my Beryl I wouldn't be lying here, I wouldn't let anything or anyone stop me.

I get up, strap my crossbow on and get ready to go back out there, give it one more shot before sunrise.

Andrea is loading the clips to the guns when I tell her I need mine. She hands it to me, giving me this curious look.

Dale is keeping watch on top of the RV as I exit, Andrea coming out right behind me.

Andrea decides to come with me, Dale voicing his doubts yet again. After Andrea gives him her death stare, we walk up the highway a bit, shining our flashlights in the woods.

Walking through the woods, Andrea gives me this look and asks if I think we'll find Sophia.

I was amazed at the lack of faith these people had, even her own mother was giving up.

The story of when I got lost in the woods comes to mind, a story I had told B.J. a few times. When I get to the part about getting an itchy ass from wiping it with poison oak, Bobbi Jo would light up like the sky on the fourth of July. Her smile, her laughter, it always made my bad day better and my okay days good.

I tell this story to Andrea, letting her know you can get lost out here and survive. I suppose that was before, before the dead walked around.

We walk on a little further up, the crickets making they're night music. A rustling comes from beside us, my natural hunter instincts kicking in.

Making our way carefully towards the noise, we come into a camp and a walker swigging from a tree. The stupid bastard tried to off himself by hanging, guess he didn't know it had to be the brain. The flesh from his legs had been stripped clean; he became walker dinner before he became a walker too.

Looking around, I see a sign and read it out loud. "Got bit. Fever hit. World gone to shit. Might as well quit."

Andrea bends over, the smell of the swinging corpse getting to her. I tell her puke if she's gotta.

As I'm talking away about the walker she asks how I learn how to shoot. Walkers and us, we got that in common …we both have to eat.

She hurls in her hand, the smell and my comments too much for her. I tell her it's payback for laughing at my itch ass story.

I'm ready to head back when Andrea asks if I'm going to kill the walker. I really didn't want to waste an arrow on someone that opted out. He made his choice; I was ready to leave him there.

While Andrea is standing there staring at the walker I walk up to her and ask her if she wants to live now. She turns back to me, her eyes telling me she does.

"An answer for an arrow … fair?" I agree to put a bolt through the stupid son of a bitch's head. "I don't know if I want to life or if I have to or if it's just a habit."

"Not much of an answer." She answered me, even if it was half-assed so I kill the walker for her. "Waste of an arrow."

The trip back to the RV was a silent one, Andrea out of questions and remarks. I can hear B.J.'s calling out to me, her laughter ringing through the woods. I know it's just my mind playing tricks on my mind, but in my heart it feels all too real.

Looking at Dale, real bad that I didn't find any trace of Sophia; it was frustrating to come back with no answers for Carol.

All I can do now is try to get some sleep and wait for morning.


	11. The Flame

A/N: This Chapter is entirely from Daryl's POV … Enjoy.

Tattoo and Tears

Chapter 11: The Flame

Morning comes and I'm ready to get our people back together. I think we were all wondering how Carl was doing, if the people they are with are taking care of them.

Pulling on my angle wing vest, I climb on my bike and lead the way. I remember what the girl on the horse said to us in the woods, making sure to look for the mailbox by the road with Greene on it.

Carol was no better than the day before, her eyes looking dead. As we drive by the car we that hold the supplies and a sign for Sophia, I hope the little girl would find it.

With the asphalt underneath me, I let the wind carry my thoughts away. As usual, I feel Bobbi Jo's arms around me, her words echoing in my ears. "Come to me Dixon …I'm waiting."

I wasn't sure what the words meant, did my beautiful ginger want me to come join her on the other side, or whatever is waiting for us when we die.

We quickly find the dirt road and the mailbox, a big gate blocking the way. I climb off the bike, swinging the gate open. Pulling inside the gate, the others follow, Andrea in Shane's car and Dale driving the RV.

I see our people picking up rocks with what I can only assume are the people that live on the farm. We drive by, pulling our vehicles up to the house.

Everyone gathers around, Rick and Lori walking out. Dale asks about Carl, Lori saying he'll pull through.

I watch as they hug it out, Carol and Lori hugging and crying.

With my crossbow in my hand, I walk around the yard. The girl from the woods walks up to me, her eyes darting around. "Can I talk with you a second?"

Glenn and T-Dog both look at me like I had done something wrong. I look at the girl, nodding my head.

We walk up on the porch when the screen door slams open, this little auburn haired girl running out. "Maggie … Mommy is awake."

Her little voice shakes me to my soul, her big blue eyes and button nose so much like my Beryl's. "Okay Beryl honey … I'll be there in a second."

"Wait … what did you call her?" I narrow my eyes, staring at her.

"Beryl … her name is Beryl." I dart past the girl, running towards the screen door.

"Daryl …wait." The girl runs after me, Glenn and T-Dog following behind her.

The auburn hair little girl is playing in the living room with a stuffed pony, just like the one Merle had given my little girl. "Hey there sweetheart."

I walk towards her and she lifts her face up to me. Her little mouth flies open, her big blue eyes tearing up. She jumps from the floor, running straight to me.

"Oh … Daddy." I swing her up in my arms, falling to my knees weeping.

I kiss her little face over and over, my hand stroking her long reddish hair. "Oh baby gurl, Daddy has missed you somethin awful. Are you okay … have they been good to you?"

She nods her head, her little arms twisting around my neck. "I miss you … so much Daddy."

Kissing the top of her head, my tears drip from my chin. "I'm here now sweet pea."

Maggie comes over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Daryl … look."

She points to the stairs just to the left of me, my eyes not sure what I'm seeing. Like a flame shining bright from my memory, there on the bottom step stood my Bobbi Jo.

With my daughter in my arms, I rise to my feet as I wait for my wife to come to me. My tears fall harder, my vision becoming blurry. "Bobbi Jo?"

She stands there for a brief second, tears streaming down her face. "Daryl?"

I move towards her, her feet racing from the steps. She tosses her arms around me and Beryl, her lips crashing onto mine. I kiss her hard, tasting the sweetness that only her kisses have.

Beryl lays her head on my shoulder as I hold both of my girls in my arms again. All I can think over and over is how … how are they here?

My lips move from lips to her cheek and over to her ear. "I ain't ever lettin you go, not ever again. How are you here … Merle said …"

She pulls back from me, her smile rattling those chains around my heart. "I got bit, but I didn't die. Sam saved me and Beryl, but he's gone now. We've got all day to talk about this; right now all I want to do is hold you, Dixon."

I pull her back in my arms, holding my world in my arms again. As I take a deep breath, I hear the girl behind me. "B.J., we're going to have Otis's memorial service now."

"Thanks Maggie … we'll be right there." B.J. kisses me again, reaching down and taking my hand.

I stand there looking into the heaven that his her soft blue eyes, wanting to never leave this spot. She runs her free hand through my hair, her fingernails grazing my scalp. Goosebumps prickle my skin, just like they did every time she'd touch me like this.

Maggie calls for us again, B.J. kissing me softly. "We better go."

We walk out on the porch, hand in hand with my daughter resting on my shoulder.

Every eye in the front yard is on us, Carol and Dale looking puzzled. We walk down the steps, the man Rick called Hershel smiling at us. "I see you're finally awake. How do you feel Bobbi Jo?"

Dale scratches his beard, looking at me as if he's trying to put a puzzle together. Bobbi Jo leans her head on my shoulder, smiling back at Hershel. "I'm good, thanks for takin care of me."

"Well, I hope you know you aren't giving any more blood … not in your condition." My head whips towards my wife, wondering what the old man is talking about.

"What happen?" I look down at her then back to Hershel.

"Your wife gave blood so Rick wouldn't have to go through a third transfusion. She got a little sick afterwards, but she's fine now." Hershel pats her on the back, walking over to Maggie.

I let go of my questions for now and add them to the things we needed to talk about. We all gather at a grove of trees, a stone marker being built in this guy named Otis's honor.

Looking at the stone marker, I see it as a reminder of everything I thought I had lost. Beryl holds tight to my leg, Bobbi Jo holding me from behind with her chin resting on my shoulder.

A few eyes dart my way, Carol, Andrea and Dale all studying our every move.

Hershel talks about Otis, reading from his Bible. Bobbi Jo whispers in my ear, her voice reviving my heart. "He reminds me of Dad."

I nod to her, seeing Robert in the man before me. My hands slide from their tucked under position to her hands around me. Leaning my head down, I enjoy the feel of her against me.

Suddenly I realize that the words from my daydreams weren't dreams after all; they were her soul calling out to me.

I break from my solace when Hershel asks Shane to speak for Otis. The look on his face, the stammering words coming from his mouth make him seem more like a man hiding something, instead of a man grateful for the man that saved his life.

Bobbi Jo tightens her arms around my waist, sobs breaking from her lips. This man must have meant something to my beauty; he really must have been a good man.

After the memorial service is over, Bobbi Jo takes my hand and walks over to the people I'd been living with.

She smiles at Carol, extending her hand. "Hello, I'm Bobbi Jo, Daryl's wife."

Carol smiles back at her, Andrea and Lori smirking at me. "We didn't know Daryl had a wife. He and Merle weren't exactly the talkative type. Well, anyway … good to meet you."

My eyes dart to the ground when the three women start asking questions, Dale rescuing me for the hen party. "Why didn't you tell us about your wife and child? I knew when I saw that tattoo and from the way you baby that vest you have, you had someone special once. So … what happen?"

"I thought she was dead … that' what Merle told me. Looks like Merle was wrong." I pick up my crossbow, tossing it over my shoulder when Beryl comes running over to me.

"Daddy … who 'dis?" Beryl's big blue eyes shine like polished sapphires, her smile warming me from the inside out.

Picking her up, I kiss her cheek. "This is Dale … Dale this is my daughter, Beryl."

"Hello Beryl … how old are you sweetheart?" Dale grins at her as she raises three fingers.

I shake my head, knowing she's only two. Rick, T-Dog and Glenn make their way over to me, wanting to continue the search for Sophia.

"Hi." Beryl greets them, burying her face in my neck.

Rick reaches for her, asking if he can take her. Beryl goes to him, her eyes locked on his. "Can you do me a favor?"

Beryl nods her head, her face lighting up. Rick gives her a soft smile, his eyes darting over to me. "Can you tell your Mommy I want to talk to her?

He sits Beryl down, her little feet shooting off like a jet. "Momma!"

We discuss going to look for Sophia, what we need and where to look. Glenn says Maggie mentioned they have maps of the area, his eyes darting over to her when he speaks of her. This stupid boy had done and gone fell head over heels for the farmer's daughter. Can't say I blame him, I did the same damn thing.

Rick tells everyone to take a few minutes, gather up what they need for the search. Bobbi Jo comes over to us, the sway of her hips giving me thoughts I hadn't had in a very long time.

"You wanted to speak to me?" Her sweet southern drawl was like putting on my favorite record. I could listen to her speak all day, I never wanted to be without the sweetness of her words again.

Rick nods to her, walking back towards the house. "I know you and Daryl just found each other again, you'd like a moment to be alone, but I really need him to go look for Carol's daughter Sophia."

B.J. slides her hands in her pockets, her head hanging down. "Carol and Lori told me about Sophia, I'm really sorry. Yeah, sure … if that were Beryl out there I'd want everyone lookin for her."

Reaching out for her, I pull her in my arms. "Are you sure?"

Her fingertips run over my face, feeling the scruff on my cheeks. "Tell Rick to give us a few minutes … okay?"

I run back to Rick, telling him I'm taking a moment with my wife. He snickers, looking over at her. "We'll all gather up soon, you go … she's waitin for you."

Maggie takes Beryl from B.J. as my wife pulls me inside the house. She looks back at me as we walk up the stairs, her teeth grazing her bottom lip.

I feel like the luckiest bastard alive. When Rick found Lori and Carl in our camp, I was more than jealous, I hated him for it. Now, I think I understand what he felt that day … now I get how lost I had been.

We walk into a room I can only assume was the one she and Beryl had been staying in, her hands pulling me inside. I barely get in the room when she pushes me up against the wall, her hands in my hair, on my face, running down my chest.

"Whoa gurl … let's slow down a bit." I push myself off the wall, pulling her to the bed.

"Haven't you missed this?" Her lips are on my neck, kissing me from my jaw to my collar bone.

My hand runs up her arm, cupping her cheek. "Bobbi Jo … I have missed this, but I've missed just holdin you … kissin you … lookin at you."

She lifts her head, tears welling up in her eyes. I kiss her softly, feeling her tears roll down her cheeks. "I thought I'd never see you again. I'd go out on Hershel's porch and talk to you every night."

"I heard ya gurl … I heard ya." She wraps her hands around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder.

Leaning her back against the bed, I run my hand up her shirt and find more than I bargained for.

"Holy fuck … are you?" My eyes go wide, my hand resting on the bulge of her belly.

Her tears return, a sweet smile growing on her lips. "Uh … yeah. I'm pregnant. After all that time tryin and now I'm pregnant."

Looking down at her, I see the tattoo on her chest and a faint scar on her shoulder. "The bite … you didn't die … you didn't turn. What about the baby?"

My hand rubs her bump, my heart fluttering. She rubs her shoulder, her eyes going softer. "Hershel said he's not sure, but he thinks I'm immune."

So much had happened in a matter of a few hours, the world as I had known it had changed again. Looking down at my beautiful, alive, pregnant wife, I know I have my family back, albeit a growing family.

She reaches up, pulling me down into a deep, sweet kiss. "Go find that little gurl, but you stay safe."

Kissing her again, I let my hands travel the length of her body. "I love ya gurl … never stopped."

We leave the bedroom, T-Dog giving us a wolf whistle as we walk down the steps. Bobbi Jo turns her back to him, kissing me softly. "Love you too Dixon … never gonna stop."

Walking out of the house, leaving my wife and daughter on the porch, I thank God or whoever gave my family back to me.


	12. Getting to Know the Neighbors

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 12: Getting to Know the Neighbors

I go about helping Carol and the others set up their camp, Daryl with the group going off to look for Sophia. He looks over to me from time to time, sweetness in the wake of his smile.

Glenn starts to lay out a tent, Carol carrying over another. "Will you be staying with Daryl or in the house?"

I wasn't sure what to make of her question, just mostly taken aback by it. "Wherever Daryl is … that's where me and his daughter will be."

My tone sounds bitter, a chilling frost covering each one of them. From the look on Carol's face I knew she knew she's struck a nerve with me. "Oh … I'm sorry. I was just wondering if you'd be needing one of the bigger tents."

Feeling like a complete ass, I reach out and take a corner of her tent. "No, I'm sorry. It's the hormones talking."

Her head twitches sideways, Glenn chuckling behind us. "You're pregnant?"

"Yeah, about four months … maybe five. I know, not exactly the best time to have a baby. They cry and crying will lead rotters to us." She smiles, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Walkers … we call them walkers." Carol reaches over, touching my belly.

"They'll find Sophia, I know it. When Daryl Dixon puts his mind to somethin, he doesn't stop till it's done." I place my hand over hers, hoping my words give her heart some solace.

Daryl walks over to me, that look of redneck determination on his face. "I'm going back out to look for Sophia, I'll be careful … promise B.J. You gonna be okay here?"

I let my hand graze his arm, my fingers lacing into his. "Yeah, Beryl's inside with Beth and Patricia but once we have the tents up, I'm gonna move us out here."

"Okay. Just keep that gun with ya at all times. Hershel ain't wantin us armed but I don't care. Keep it hid under your shirt." He takes my gun from my back pocket, hiding it under the back of my shirt.

"Dixon … come back." He looks at the crowd around him, his lips twitching sideways.

"You too … Dixon." He walks off, not even a kiss goodbye. Daryl had never been a public display of affection typed, so I let him go with a smile.

After Daryl is gone, Lori walks over to me. I'd seen her look somber, sad and furious, but this new stoic side of her was a little unsettling. "Bobbi Jo, can I ask you something?"

We walk past the campsite, closer to the house. She places her hand on my arm, her eyes darting about. "I overheard you say … you're pregnant. Do you have any more tests?"

"I'm sorry … I don't. Why are you trusting me with this information, you hardly know me." I feel her hand tighten on my arm, her demeanor changing.

"You didn't have to give Carl your blood, but you did. I know I can trust you." A faint smile plays on her face and we both relax.

"Maggie and Glenn are going to the pharmacy in town; maybe they can bring you one back." Lori nods to me, whispering thank you as she leaves.

As I'm walking towards the house, I see Rick talking to Daryl. I don't hear much of the conversation until I'm nearly upon them.

"My point is it lets you off the hook. You don't owe us anythang. You have a pregnant wife and little girl that need you as much as Sophia does." Rick looks back at him, cowboy hat in hand.

Daryl looks over at me, my smile giving him the answer he's looking for. "Yeah, well my gurls will be here when I get back. Looks like any plans other than looking for Sophia fell through."

Rick slowly walks my way, the two of us sitting on the porch steps. "Why did you let him go? You just got him back."

"Because that's the kind of man he is, Daryl isn't complicated, but he does have a past that he wears daily. Someday you might get to know my Daryl." Kissing him on the cheek, I go inside to check on Beryl.

Hershel smiles at me as he walks out, looking me over. "You need to rest."

I rub my growing bump, nodding my head. "I will … when Daryl gets back."

He walks out, he and Rick talking by the porch. Beryl runs to me, her giggles echoing through the house. "Beryl, what did Momma tell you about being loud."

She hands her auburn head, a frown replacing her smile. "No loud noises … they might find us."

Squatting down to her, I lift her head up by her chin. "Momma loves Beryl."

She smiles, placing her arms around me. "Beryl loves Momma and Daddy … where he go?"

Beth walks in with a plate, sitting it on the dining table. She had piled and sliced an apple for Beryl, making her a snack. The sweet little farmer's daughter reminded me of myself when I was her age, her naïve nature and sweet smile was complimented by the light in her eyes.

I hold Beryl in my lap as she eats, my daughter rambling on about the new people on the farm. Sitting there, I can't help but wonder if Daryl is okay. My inner voice screams at me for letting him leave again, for not being more aggressive and making him stay.

I wrestle with my thoughts, half of me sure Daryl going off to look for a scared, lost little girl is the right thing, the other half anger as hell at him for choosing a stranger over his family.

"Can I go out to play?" Beryl's hands rest on my face, her big blue eyes pleading.

"Yeah, we'll go back out." My thoughts are clouded as I walk back out to the camp, Carol showing me the tent set up for me and Daryl.

Everyone is busy, most of the group off at the wells. I'm not sure what the deal is, Carol saying something about a walker in one of the wells. I sit up two cots, pushing them together. I hadn't held my husband in forever; tonight I was going to correct that.

Beryl plays just outside the tent, Carol watching her. "Carol, you want to straighten up the RV? We could make it look nice for when Daryl brings her back."

She wipes her tears, nodding. I take Beryl's hand as we make our way to the RV. The baby flutters inside me, letting me know I'm not doing any of this alone.

I begin to wash the dishes, Carol straightening up the bedroom when she asks me a question I'm sure had been on her mind all day. "Daryl doesn't seem like the wife and kid type of a man, how did you two met?"

"He lived close to my father's farm. He stole an apple pie from my mother's window seal and she knew it. She watched him walk out through the wheat field with it. I was sent to go look for my father, out through the wheat field and that's when I found him instead. I was twelve and he was fourteen. The rest as they say it is history." My memories of that day flash in my mind as if I'm watching an old movie, my younger self smiling so innocently at this grungy skinny boy, his fingers sticky from my mother's pie.

We work in silence a bit longer before another question pours from her lips. "Has he always been so … surly?"

I laugh; the thought of Daryl not being surly was implausible. "Carol, it's not a Daryl thing … it's a Dixon thing. You knew his brother Merle, but then again Daryl ain't Merle."

"I'm sorry you had to give him up again so soon after finding him. I know it must be hard to hold him one moment and have him walk away the next." I study her face, her eyes holding so much pain.

I could tell this woman knew pain and not just heartache. Perhaps Daryl saw his mother in her, the abuse she took at the hands of his father. The way Daryl would speak of his mother often made me think he missed her. Knowing firsthand how awful Daryl had it growing up, what he saw, what he'd been through; I knew he would want Carol to know some happiness even if it was in a bat shit crazy world.

Shane raps on the RV door, sticking his head inside. "Carol … we're ready to go back to the highway."

"Hey." I look at him and all I see is a man with a lie on his tongue and deceit in his heart.

He gives me the usual southern greeting of a quick nod as he pulls his ball cap down. Carol looks at me and I tell her to go on, I'd finish cleaning up the RV.

My mind wanders again, back to the way Daryl was then. He was an angry, lost little boy looking for someone to help him out of the dark. I see that boy in his eyes again; I saw it when I found him again.

I finish up in the RV, going out to help finish up the camp. The others start to wander back in, T-Dog building a fire. We get ready for dinner, Beryl repeating she's hungry.

With Beryl in my lap, I watch this group work together like a well-oiled machine. Rick looks beaten and battered, as if he's ready to fall over. I place Beryl in my chair, taking him about his waist. "Why don't you go back inside the house with Carl?"

Lori takes over for me, steadying her husband. I look over my shoulder to see Daryl walking back in, the evening sun starting its descent from the sky.

I look down to the beer bottle with a Cherokee rose inside. "That for Carol?"

He chews on the stem of wheat in his mouth, nodding his head. "I'll be right back. B.J. … thanks."

When his mother had died, my mother placed the same rose on her grave. Daryl asked her later why she did that and she told him the story, a story I'm sure he's telling Carol right now.

Beryl is nearly asleep as I lay on the cot close to ours, her little hands wrapped around her stuffed pony. Maggie asked me a few times to stay at the house, but my place is with my husband. I didn't care if it was a house, a tent or a pig sty, I would take it if Daryl is there.

I lay down on the doubled cot, reaching over to the emptiness next to me. Closing my eyes, I let the emptiness in my heart fade. "Not tonight … not ever again."

Daryl pokes his head in, looking at his baby girl asleep. "She been asleep long?"

"No, just drifted off." He picks her up, kissing her cheek. I watch as he lays down on the cot beside me, our daughter draped over his chest.

"Come here gurl." He pulls me to him, my head resting on his shoulder. I lay my hand flat on Beryl's back, Daryl looking very content.

"You haven't eaten yet." I move to get up only to have Daryl hold to me tighter.

"Don't move, I ain't done holdin you." His lips rest on my forehead, his fingers grazing my arm up and down.

I want to freeze this moment, hold it forever and never let it go. Casting my eyes up to my husband, I rise slightly and kiss his lips. He smile at first, quickly letting his lips move swiftly against mine.

After a few minutes, Daryl puts Beryl back on her cot and grabs his plate of food. He swallows a few bites, returning to my arms. I open my mouth to tell him how much I love him when he captures my face in his hands and gives me a kiss so deep I feel it curl my toes.

The feel of his lips on mine, his hands holding my face are like feeling heaven ascending down on me. Moving towards him, he lays back on the cot. I smile down at him, his blue eyes looking dark and smoldering. "I think we need a proper reunion."

He grins this belly clenching smile, running his hands under my shirt and taking my handgun out. He places it on the ground, returning his attentions to me. "I know just the place."

I give him a curious stare, his lips now conquering the skin of my neck. "We aren't gonna tonight?"

"Later … when everyone's asleep." His lips and hands lay claim to me again, causing violent shivers to wrack my body.

I lay there, my hands gently resting on his shoulders, allowing him to mark out his territory.

"Daryl … when … where?" He settles between my legs, my ankles hooking inside of his.

"Out by the pond." I knew exactly what he was talking about. Hershel had a fishing boat we could use; hide ourselves away for a moment of marital bliss.

I wouldn't have to wait too long, his need for me out weighting his patience. As we bump and grind on each other, our body mingling in ways they hadn't in so long, he pulls me from the cot and out towards the pond.

"What about Beryl?" I look back at the tent city, worrying about my baby girl.

He jogs back to the campsite, carrying Beryl into the house. As I'm standing there I watch Lori walk out, acting very nervously.

Daryl looks a tad embarrassed as he walks towards me, taking my hand and staying silent. I do the same, following where he leads.

He's all feral need and lusty want as he kisses me, pushing me down on the dock. I let out a moan, knowing tonight my long drought of needing him would be quenched.


	13. Love and Fury

Tattoo and Tears

Chapter 13: Love and Fury

I wake to the feel of my husband's arms around me, my baby girl slugged in between us. Closing my eyes, I can feel every kiss, every touch and every heated moment between me and Daryl from last night.

The pond was quiet all but the sound of some frogs nearby. Daryl laid me down on the dock, his hands skimming over my skin as he removes my shirt. We enjoy the feel of skin on skin, while our lips take turns exploring each inch of exposed flesh.

I sense his urgency as his hands work feverishly to free me from my jeans. When the warm summer breeze hits my naked legs, goosebumps prickle across my skin. This sensation was nothing compared to the feel of Daryl's rough hands tugging my panties off.

Looking up at him, I see the bluish tint of the moonlight reflecting in his eyes. He smiles at me, his fingers inching around my waist and under my back. His strong arms pull me upright, his eyes dripping with want.

My eyes never leave his as I unbuckle his belt, unbutton his pants and unzip them. As my hand slides flat across his stomach and towards the opening in his pants, I feel the coarse hair from under his navel guide the way to his manhood.

With my hands on his hard member, I begin to stroke him. His eyes grow darker, his hands around my waist tightening. Daryl lies back, releasing me and pulling his pants down.

My eyes go wide as his member is freed from its constraints, my body shivering. Daryl looks back up to me, pulling me on top of him. As I lower myself over the massive length, my hands rest on his chest. The dock creaks and groans as I work myself down on him, over and over.

With my bliss nearly upon me, Daryl rises from the dock and hooks my legs around him. I lean backwards, my back arching as he returns my motions. His hips move in time with mine, our bodies' one with each other.

My hands slide from his arms to his shoulders, holding on tight as my bliss rolls over me and takes me to places I thought I'd never go again. My husband's large hand covers my mouth as I let out a moan and then a scream, my body coming undone in his arms.

As I come back down, Daryl finds his own bliss. I hold him close to me, my arms holding him tighter than they ever had before. His body twitches slightly, his shoulders shaking. He buries his face in my neck, his teeth grazing my flesh as he finishes. I smile back at him, the two of us glowing like the moon.

We return to the campsite, Dale smiles at us from atop the RV. "Good night, isn't it?"

I smile back at him, Daryl going to the farmhouse to get Beryl. "It really is."

Dale sits in his camp chair, everyone else sleeping. "It's good to see him like this."

"It's good to have him back … thanks for lookin after him." Dale tips his hat at me as I walk over to our tent.

For the first time in a long time, I sleep through the night and wake to the most glorious of mornings.

I wake before anyone else does, slipping out from Daryl's embrace. With a gentle kiss on his forehead, I toss on my boots and head out to see what needs to be done.

T-Dog is awake, tending to the fire as Dale stirs from the RV. The three of us go about gathering more wood and start making breakfast for everyone. Going out back of the farmhouse, I take one of the washtubs. T-Dog smiles at me, helping me gather water for the wash.

"You must love him … you gave up a cozy bed for a hard cot." T-Dog teases me, his big grin disappearing when Daryl exits our tent.

"She's slept on worse." Daryl looks at me, his lips kissing my temple.

After breakfast, I help Carol with the wash and the two of us trade stories of our lives before. The way she talks about Sophia, I think she's holding little hope we'll find her.

Maggie waves for me to come to her, Beryl already half way there. "Dad wants to talk to you."

I nod to her, looking back at Daryl. He places his hand over his eyes, nodding back at me. I take Beryl's hand and walk back to the house with Maggie.

Hershel is waiting for me in the downstairs bedroom, his look worrying me. I walk towards him when he takes my hand, feeling my wrist. He looks up at me, placing another hand on my chest. "You're going to get heat stroke if you don't rest. You've been up since dawn working harder than most of the others. I think you've forgotten you're pregnant."

"I was raised on a farm Hershel, I know my limits." I smile back at him, but the concerned look on his face doesn't fade.

He pushes me down on the bed, sending Beth to get me a glass of water. I drink it, waiting for my next lecture.

"Can I go if I promise to behave Dr. Greene?" He nods, taking the glass from me.

"I mean it Bobbi Jo. You and Beryl have grown on me; I'd like to keep you both around." I can feel tears burn my eyes as he walks away.

Beryl asks to stay in the house to play, Patricia welcoming the company. I think she needed it to keep her mind off of Otis.

Going back out, I see Daryl walking out towards the barn. I follow him, my hand resting lazily on my belly.

"Hey goodlookin … where ya goin?" He turns around to me, a bridle in his hand.

"Gonna take the horse out and look for Sophia." He reaches over to me, taking my hand off my belly.

Walking up to him, I give him a quick kiss. "Be careful Daryl; never know what you'll find out there."

"Don't go worrin about me; I'll be back with that little gurl." He places his hand over my belly, kissing me.

As he mounts the horse, he takes my hand and slides my wedding ring back on my finger. With a big beatific smile, I look at it and promise him I'll never take it off again.

Rick, Shane, Andrea, T-Dog and Jimmy are heading out to start a grid search for Sophia, Carol watching them with more hope than she had just a few moments ago.

"How do you do it?" I look at her, not sure what she means.

"Do what?" Grabbing one of the water buckets, I wait for her reply.

"Go on day after day with the worry. You have that precious little girl to worry about and now a new baby on the way. I don't think I could do it, bring another baby in this world." She wipes her tears, pouring out the wash water.

I start walking towards the well when Lori picks up a bucket and joins me. "Is she right?"

"No … she's worried. This world is dangerous and I know when Carl was ill, you may have thought the same thing, but the truth is Lori, Beryl could have easily died from a hundred different things before the world turned upside down. All we can do is our best and I know Daryl ain't ever gonna let me or Beryl go without a fight." I watch a myriad of emotions play across her face as we walk to the well in silence.

The day lingers on and I do as Hershel asks, taking breaks from time to time. Carol and Lori ask me to help them make dinner for Hershel's family. I knew this little bit of normal was exactly what they needed.

For the first time since all of this happened, I feel a genuine smile brush across my lips and a glee I was sure is partly there because of the ring on my finger. I only become aware that I'm staring at it when Maggie bumps me.

"That's new … when ya get it?" Her smile is plastered across her face, making me giggle.

"It's my wedding ring, the one I gave Merle to give to Daryl. He gave it back to me before he left to go look for Sophia." I look back at the simple band, the angle wings shining brightly back at me.

Maggie starts moving tables around the living room, Hershel not looking to happy. I walk by, Hershel turning his icy glare on me. "You need to know, these people aren't staying. They can't get comfortable here Bobbi Jo. You need to stop being so accommodating to them."

"Excuse me Hershel, but those people happen to my people now. My husband and father of my child is counted among those people. I hear you loud and clear and I want you to hear me. I won't be a bother to you or your family again, so don't go worryin about mine." He reaches for me as I dodge his hand and walk back into the kitchen.

Beryl comes running into the kitchen, tears in her eyes. I pick her up, asking her what's wrong. She whispers in my ear that she had a bad dream. "Didn't ya have a good nap baby girl?"

"Where Daddy?" From the way she asked me, I knew her dream must have been about her father.

"He'll be back soon." I kiss the top of her head, Maggie taking her from me. She takes her out on the porch to play with Carl, Beryl's eyes tearing over.

I decide to out to see if Daryl had made it back yet, Rick and the others had been back for a little while.

Rick looks up at me, his grin meant to calm my worries. "I'm sure Daryl will be back soon, he's good at this sort of thang."

I pat his shoulder, heading to our tent. Looking around, I see Daryl's vest lying across one of the cots. My fingers rub over the feathers, feeling them frayed material.

Walking out of the tent, I see Andrea on top of the RV, rifle in hand. Dale asks her what's with the Annie Oakley routine and she gives him a very bitch answer about not wanting to wash clothes and helping to keep the camp safe.

I hadn't made my mind up about Andrea; I wasn't sure if I liked her or tolerated her. She has a tenacity I could admire, but there was something about her that rubbed me the wrong way.

I'm about to go back inside the house when Andrea starts screaming walker. I race back to the tent to grab my bow. Shane, T-Dog, Glenn and Rick all grab weapons, racing out towards the field. Rick tells Andrea not to fire, that they'd handle it.

I stand at the bottom of the RV, watching Andrea take a shooter's stance. Dale is up on the ladder, telling Andrea don't. I look over to the picnic table, seeing Dale's binoculars and I quickly swipe them. Heading back to the RV, I look out to the field, the sun making it hard to see what is coming towards us.

Squatting down, I get a better angle of the thing stumbling through the field. In an instant, I notice that tight frame and those wide shoulders as my Daryl. Before I can scream up to Andrea a gunshot rings out over the farm.

I watch the figure go down and hear Rick scream no. Andrea looks down at me, seeing the shocked look on my face. By this time, everyone in the house has run out. Hershel sees my sitting in the dirt, tears streaming down my face. "Get her in the house."

Beth and Jimmy take me by my arms, leading me back to the house. I sit on the porch, shock still evident on my face. "Are you okay B.J.?"

I look up at Beth, a cold numbness settling in my bones. "Not again … this can't happen again. I can't … I won't lose him Beth."

Rick and Shane have Daryl draped between their arms as they drag him into the house. My body lifts without me making it, following them inside. They take Daryl to the room Carl was in, laying him on the bed.

I help Rick take his shirt off, blood covering his torso. "What the hell happened?"

Rick shrugs his shoulders, Hershel moving me out of the way. "I can't help him if you don't leave."

I walk over to Shane, sitting beside the bed. "I'm not leaving."

Daryl stirs around, my hands moving him his face. "Daryl, how ya feel sweetheart?"

"I'll live … had worse." His Dixon surliness was back, making my pulse return to normal.

Sitting back in the chair, I watch as Hershel works his magic on Daryl. Rick makes sure he's alright before getting the map and asking him what he found. I sit there still worried for my husband and he's going on about finding some damn doll.

Shane looks over at me, his eyes going to my baby bump. "Listen man, you got a worried wife here … think you owe her something."

Hershel states his displeasure in Daryl's action of taking his horse, throwing in a jab or two about it being a wonder they'd survived this long.

Rick and Shane leave me alone with Daryl, his blue eyes locked on me. "Come here gurl."

Crawling on the bed towards him, he takes my hand. "Thangs just went south after that damn horse threw me. You and Beryl were on my mind the entire time; I had to get back to ya."

"I know you have to look for her, I know you have to help them, but don't forget you have me and Beryl and this new baby to think of too." I place his hand on my bump, the baby moving.

"I won't." His eyes cut into my soul like diamonds cutting glass and I crack under his gaze.

Kissing him softly, I let my finger glide along his jaw. "I'll go get ya some fresh clothes. You best stay here … hear me Dixon?"

He winks at me, holding the bandage to his temple. "Yes ma'am."

When I walk out I hear Dale tell Andrea that they've all wanted to shoot Daryl. They both turn to look at me, my eyes narrowing at them.

Andrea stands, her face holding her discomfort at this meeting. "I'm sorry about Daryl."

I walk past Dale still sitting on the steps, Andrea placing her hands on her hips. "Are you actually going to walk past me and not accept my apology?"

I turn on my heels, my worry, stress and anxiety all now merging into a fury that I'm sure only a few have ever felt before.

Dale stands when he sees me walk up to Andrea, my nose inches from hers. I don't say a word, don't blink an eye as I raise my right hand and smack her hard. "I'm sorry I smacked you. Now we're almost even."

She rubs her cheek, Dale looking back at me in disbelief. A smug smile covers my face as I walk back to our tent, the palm of my hand throbbing.


	14. Life Lessons

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 14: Life Lessons

My wounds sting and burn like a bitch, every time I move I'm reminded I pulled my own arrow out of my side. Bobbi Jo and Beryl don't leave my side, my wife tending to my every need.

Carol brings us in a tray of food, thanking me for everything I did. B.J. notices my discomfort and hurries to cover my back and chest up. I tell her it ain't nothing Rick or Shane would have done, that's when she tells me I'm every bit as good as them.

I cringe as she moves to place a kiss on my head, not wanting her to see my scars. B.J. smiles at her, Carol crying again. "I owe you all, for sacrificing so much when you don't have to.

Bobbi Jo slides in the bed next to me, her hand rubbing my arm. "We're a family now Carol, don't think of it as any other way. Your Sophia is our Sophia."

Carol looks at Beryl sleeping at the foot of the bed, her bottom lip trembling. "And your Beryl is our Beryl."

She's gone, leaving me alone with my wife and child. We can hear the sounds of everyone having dinner, Bobbi Jo making sure I eat too.

When the house is finally quite, I pull B.J. in my arms. "You want to go back out to the tent?"

"Not tonight, we'll go first thing in the morning after Hershel looks at your wounds again." With a smile she bends down and kisses me, her hands resting gently on my face.

I snuggle into her as the night goes on, my arms holding her tight to me. I try to ignore the pain coursing through my side, letting the sweet scent of her hair, the feel of her curves and the taste of her skin take me away from here.

When morning comes, B.J. is up and ready to go. I notice she's wincing when she uses her right hand, the palm looking a little swollen. "What's wrong with your hand?"

She gives me that cocky little grin that I adore, a giggle escaping her lips. "I may have smacked Andrea."

"Oh … you two have words?" I sit up straight, Beryl handing me my shirt.

"She said a few words … I said a few words … I slapped her … its over." Her grin is still plastered on her face, making me wonder if it is really over.

Hershel looks me over, telling me I'll be okay to go. "You might want to be careful, no sudden movements or those will bust loose."

I open my mouth to say something smart to him when Bobbi Jo gives me that wifely stare. "Gotcha."

Everyone is starting to stir at the campsite, Carol coming over to see if I need anything. "Thanks … Bobbi Jo and Beryl are lookin after me."

After my wife gets me settled, I watch as she gives Beryl her stuffed toy and tells her not to leave the tent. She smiles back at me before heading over to where Carol is, the two of them talking. Leaning my head towards the tent window I barely make out what they're saying.

"Carol … thanks for worrying about Daryl. I like knowing if I can't be here for him, you will be. And I know you'll look after my Beryl too." Bobbi Jo extends her hand, shaking Carol's.

Carol looks over towards me, her smile not really a smile. "He's done more for my little girl than anyone ever has. You have a good man Bobbi Jo … you're a lucky woman."

Bobbi Jo hugs her, my beauty never looking more beautiful to me. Beryl gains my attention, running out of the tent. "Beryl … you best get back here before you're mother finds you."

I rise, but my side is too sore to really move too fast. "I'll get her." Lori walks past me with Carl behind her.

Maggie and Glenn walk by, Glenn yammering on about something. It looked as if everyone had a place here, a reason. I felt useless, like a lame horse that needed to be put down.

Andrea walks towards the tent when B.J. stops her, the two women having a stand off. "You got something to say to my husband?"

"Matter of fact, I do. I think you said everything you need to last night B.J." Andrea rubs her cheek, her mouth pulled into a thin line.

"I hear Shane is giving shooting lessons today, maybe you ought to get some one on one training … learn the difference between a walker and an injured man." Bobbi Jo turns to leave when Andrea steps in front of her.

"You got some nerve, honey. Like you're so damn good." Bobbi Jo waves for Shane to come to her, looking Andrea dead in the eyes.

"Count me in. I got my own gun and ammo, I'll see you later." She turns swiftly, walking back towards me.

She makes me lay back down on the cot, kissing my forehead. "I'll be back, got to help Maggie pick some peaches."

Andrea decides to give it another try, walking into the tent when B.J. leaves. I'm poking holes in the tent mesh with a bolt when she walks in.

"Hey. This is not that great, but …" She hands me a book, sitting down beside me.

I flip through the book, trying to break the ice from her and B.J.'s argument. "What, no pictures?"

"I'm so sorry, I feel like shit." She looks sincere as she talks to me, but I know part of her problem is my wife.

"Yeah, you and me both." I adjust the pillow under my head, remembering that Bobbi Jo had always been a good judge of character and go with that.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but if there's anything I can do …" She gives me the apology my too stubborn wife wouldn't listen to.

"You were tryin to protect to the group. We're good. My wife … she's a tough nut to crack, just give her some time." I play with the bolt again as she leaves, the outline of a handprint still visible on her face. Seeing that reminds me what a wildcat B.J. can be and it wasn't me that Andrea needed to worry about. "But hey, shoot me again; you best pray I'm dead."

She grins at me, both of us knowing what I mean by my words.

Bobbi Jo comes back with a pouting Beryl, her handgun tucked in the back of her jeans. "Sweetie, stay put. Don't make me tell you again."

Beryl crawls up on the cot with me, whimpering. I pat her back, looking at her mother. "She's only wanted to play with Carl."

"I know, but she needs to ask and not go runnin off. Daryl, you can't baby her anymore." She shakes her head as she ties her hair back.

"You goin with them to train?" I watch as she checks her gun, clicking on the safety.

"Yeah and you stay put too." I laugh as he winks at me, giving me a quick kiss.

Watching her walk away, I see the sassy redhead I fell in love with. Beryl smiles up at me, nearly giggling. "Daddy … Carl's mommy is like my mommy."

Creasing my eyebrows, I look down at her. "Lori? What about her sweet pea?"

"Mommy has a baby in her tummy … Lori do too." I nearly fall off the cot when she tells me, a few thoughts flashing in my head.

Is the baby Rick's or Shane's? Does Rick know? How does Beryl know?

"Sweet pea, who told you this?" She sits up, resting her head on my arm.

"Maggie … told Mommy." Beryl goes back to playing with her stuffed horse, unaware of what her she's told me.

"I'll be damned." I whisper as I turn to look out the tent window. My ginger beauty and I were gonna have a chat when she gets back.

X~X~X

We get out to the pasture, Shane setting up some bottles on the fence. He shows everyone how to hold their weapons, how to stand as he instructs them on the general knowledge of firing a handgun.

"Ain't you gonna join us sweetheart." He looks at me as I sit on the Jeep hood, my handgun in my hand.

"Nope, not yet." Andrea looks over at me, her eyes burning back at me.

He and Rick walk the line, watching as everyone fires. Most of them hit their mark, some miss but all in all, they seemed to have a good idea of how to shoot.

Shane walks up to Andrea, the bottle before her still in one piece. He tells her to not get discouraged; she'll hit her target eventually.

She gets all cocky, saying that she did it her target, the No Trespassing sign on the fence showing three shots through the O.

I jump down from the fence, standing beside Rick. "Set me up."

Andrea steps back, crossing her arms over her chest. Shane looks back at her, then to me. "Okay then … show me what you got."

They set me up a few bottles, in different shapes and sizes. I step back a few more steps, well past where Andrea was firing from. I hold my gun down, my hand holding it from under.

"Say when." I grin back at Rick, the look on his face telling me he's intrigued.

He raises his hand then lowers it as I raise my gun and shot after shot take down every bottle and fire a few more at the sign Andrea shot.

"Damn … did Daryl teach you how to shoot?" Shane walks over to the bottles, places a finger in the hole I made in the sign.

"I think I'll go on back now. Just wanted to show you, I can protect my own if I need to and no … my dad taught me how to shoot, but Daryl taught me how to use a crossbow." Rick and Shane look at each other, nodding their heads.

I go back to the Jeep, Shane giving Andrea his gun. She fires it, taking out the tin can on the post. They talk a bit more, before she walks over to me. "I get you're some redneck princess, you can shoot and hunt and track, but you need to know I didn't mean to hurt Daryl."

I climb in the back seat, my feet on the door frame. "I get that, but in the future, remember you're good with a gun but you ain't no expert. When Rick says no he means no … that means you too. I get that this women's work shit is just that shit, we can protect our family just as good as they boys. Maybe me and you need to start over. I'm Bobbi Jo Dixon, you shot my husband yesterday."

She chuckles, shaking my hand. "I'm Andrea and I'm sorry about shooting your husband yesterday. In my defense, he looked like a walker."

I nod to her, shaking her hand back. "I'll give you that; he looked like death warmed over."

"If you two are done kissin and makin up, I need to train her some more." Shane leans against the Jeep door, his eyes all over Andrea.

We soon head back, leaving Shane and Andrea for a little one on one training, Rick looking back at me. "Why didn't you tell us you could shoot like that?"

"I had more important thangs on my mind." He looks over to Lori, the two of them looking down at Carl.

When we get back to camp, I immediately go to check on Daryl. He and Beryl are asleep; Beryl's stuffed pony resting on Daryl's stomach. I try to move it, managing to wake him. "Sorry."

"It's okay; I need to get up anyway." I pick Beryl up, giving him the room to move. He tosses on a sleeveless shirt, kissing me on my forehead.

He gives me a look that makes me think he knows something. "What?"

"Beryl heard you talkin to Maggie, about Lori." I feel a blush cover my cheeks, my eyebrows going up.

"Oops, oh well, guess the cats out of the bag. Did she tell Rick?" I pick put the clothes and toys from the tent floor, Daryl cleaning his crossbow.

"Don't think so. How did Maggie find out?" Beryl tosses in her sleep, pulling Daryl's vest over her.

"Glenn told Maggie, don't know how he knows." He grabs my hand, pulling me down in his lap. "Daryl … your stitches."

His hand glides over my cheek, around to the back of my neck. He pulls me down into a deep, wanting kiss that leaves me breathless. "That's not our problem, let her figure it out. The only baby I'm worried about his this one right here."

Daryl flattens out his hand as he places it over my belly, his lips returning to mine. Hershel walks up to the tent, asking to speak to me. Daryl wipes his lips with his thumb as I climb from his lap.

"You looked pissed, what's wrong?" I place my hands in my pocket, watching his face grow harder.

"You need to know these people aren't staying, Rick needs to know they need to be moving on to Fort Benning soon." I step back from him, away from the tent.

"You would do this, turn them away, turn me away?" Hershel places his hand on my shoulder, his blue eyes studying my face.

"I'm not turnin you away … you and your family can stay." His hand tightens on my shoulder when I move it.

"When they leave, I leave. Don't think Daryl could do that, just stay here while they leave to go out to a world full of death and chaos. No, I'm not better than them …and honestly nether are you. Sam died to find Daryl for me and I won't dishonor his memory by letting the family that protected my husband leave the protection of this farm. You call yourself a man of God … is this what God wants?" He stares at me, his mouth gaping open.

Seething, I walk back into the tent. Daryl wraps his arms around me, his lips on my cheek. "Settle down little momma, you don't need to be gettin upset."

Turning to look at him, I kiss him hard, losing myself in him. He kisses me back, the two of us letting go of the world for a moment.

We are disturbed yet again when Glenn walks to the tent door. "Uh … B.J."

"Don't you have some farmer's daughter to chase?" Daryl lets go of me, turning his attention to berating Glenn.

"I thought since I was going back to the pharmacy, I'd pick these up for B.J." He hands me a brown paper bag, prenatal victims inside.

"Thanks Glenn." He grins as he walks out, Daryl eyeing the bottle.

"I would have got those for you." He takes the bottle, sitting it on our cots.

I don't speak as I start kissing him again; I had a few months of kisses to make up for. Beryl wakes, ending anything before it starts. Daryl sits down beside her, laughing as she puts his vest on.

"Look Mommy … I like Daddy." The vest hangs to the floor, swallowing her whole.

"This is all I'll ever need, you and Beryl and this little one." I kneel down before Daryl, resting my head in his lap. He strokes my hair, whispering I love you in my ear.


	15. Dead as a Doornail

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 15: Dead has a Doornail

When I wake the next morning I can smell breakfast cooking, Beryl and B.J. are at the campfire helping out. I walk over to one of the camping chairs, my stitches aching something awful. B.J. gives me that sweeter than sugar smile, carrying in a pale of water.

Things are quiet, so quiet it doesn't seem normal. Since the turn my life had been running and fighting, growling and moaning constantly at my back. Today was different and I couldn't shake the feeling something real bad was about to happen.

"Morning husband." Bobbi Jo gives me a quick kiss, handing me a plate of food.

"You been up long?" I take the plate, Beryl crawling up in my lap.

I adjust Beryl to my good side, her little fingers swiping my scrambled eggs. Bobbi Jo nods, looking over at Glenn. "Been up a while, couldn't sleep. I've been watching Glenn all morning and he's acting weird … jumpy. Like a cat in a rocking chair factory."

"It's probably Hershel's daughter, he's probably afraid Hershel is gonna cut his dick off." She slaps my shoulder, pointing down to Beryl.

I grin back at her as she sits down to eat beside me. She leans in to whisper in my ear, telling me Rick knows about Lori being pregnant. I look back at her, my eyebrows raised. This entire camp was a pressure cooker ready to blow.

And right on cue, Glenn blurts out what's been eating him up and the shit hits the fan.

"Um, guys. So … the barns full of walkers." He stands looking like a weight had been removed from his shoulders and put over on us.

We all go out to the barn, Deputy know it all letting his temper pop like a firecracker.

Shane and Rick start bickering back and forth, Rick telling Shane we're guest here. I wasn't okay with it either, but if it meant my girls are safe, I could live with it.

Bobbi Jo grabs my hand, squeezing it tight. We watch as everyone comes undone, Shane wanting to either go in the barn and kill all the walkers or leave for Fort Benning.

I see the stress on Carol's face, knowing Sophia is still out there. Beryl clings to my leg, softly crying into my thigh. I reach down and rub her head, my wife giving me the wide eyed worried look.

When Shane starts talking about leaving without Sophia, saying she's dead already my wife let goes of my hand and marches over to him.

"You are one heartless bastard to want to pull up stakes and high tail it out of here and forget that a little girl is out there, alone and scared." A single tear rolls down her face, making my anger boil over.

"I'm this close to finding this girl. I just found her damn doll two days ago." Beryl runs to her mother, Bobbi Jo's jaw clenched tight.

Shane turns his anger to me, running off at the mouth. "You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll."

"You don't know what the hell you're talkin about." Rick puts out his arm, stopping me from reaching for Shane.

Shane keeps babbling own, making me more pissed by the second. "I'm just saying what needs to be said."

Rick keeps telling Shane to stop, but as usual this motherfucker knows it all.

"Let me tell you something else, man. If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction." I had enough of his fucking mouth and take a go at him, Rick pulling me back.

"You better shut yer mouth." Bobbi Jo walks up behind me, pulling me around the waist.

"Don't you ever come at me again man and for another thing, who's to say your bitch didn't know about all of this … ain't that right B.J.?" Shane starts walking off with Bobbi Jo holding me as tight as she can. Rick puts his hand on my chest, telling B.J. to get me out of here.

Dale tries to defuse the situation, telling us he knew about the barn yesterday and that Hershel sees these things as people. He goes on to tell us that Hershel's wife and stepson are in the barn, making Rick look a little uneasy.

"Daryl, let's just go." B.J. keeps pulling to me, Beryl in tears standing by Carol.

She lets go of me and I pace like I do when I'm pissed. I chew on my thumb, my eyes locked on Shane's ugly mug.

The walkers start rattling the door as they argue, Bobbi Jo picking up Beryl and walking back to the camp. "Daryl Dixon … get your ass over here!"

I give Shane a death stare as I walk towards my wife, yelling at him as I do. "You ever call my wife a bitch again … I'll fuckin gut you."

Andrea pushes me, telling me to go on. I march pass Bobbi Jo, straight into the tent. She comes in, Beryl still crying. "I didn't know about the barn, I promise. I knew Hershel was weird about not wantin to kill'em but not that."

I turn to her, fire in my eyes. "What the fuck B.J. … really? Fuckin walkers? This is fucked up!"

She sets Beryl down on the cot, my little girl curling up with her stuffed pony. B.J. whips around, her cool blue eyes now dark sapphires. "Don't go yellin at me Daryl … I didn't know."

I grab her hand as she head for the tent door, pulling her back to me. "Were ya goin?"

"To talk to Maggie." She wriggles free from my grip, tossing my hand from hers.

"B.J. you wanted to talk … we're talkin." She turns back to me, tears rolling down her face.

"Those people think I knew and I didn't, they think I'm part of Hershel's family and I'm not, you look at me like you don't believe me … I don't need this shit on top of everythang else Daryl." I watch as she walks out, taking Beryl with her.

I stand there for a moment, Shane and Bobbi Jo's words bouncing around my head. I was going to prove them wrong, I was going to find Sophia and prove to B.J. I believe in her.

Going out to the horse stables, I get a saddle and a blanket. My side burns and aches like a som'bitch but I ignore it, my anger moving me forward.

I toss the saddle up on a stand, my stitches popping. Carol follows me in, telling me I can't go. I tell her I'm fine, all I really want is to be left alone.

She gives me some bullshit about me needing to heal and caring about me. I got enough people looking after me with my wife carrying on the way she is. Pregnancy hormones aside, B.J. is a handful enough for me.

I ignore her as she blabbers on, until she tells me we don't know if we're going to find Sophia or not. I turn around to her, pissed that Sophia's own mother had given up on her.

Walking up to her, I glare back at her. "What?"

"I can't lose you too. I won't be responsible for someone else feeling like I do. You owe Bobbi Jo that much." Carol's tears fall again and all I can do is drop the bridle and walk away.

She was right and I knew it, I did owe Bobbi Jo that much, but in my heart I knew my Bobbi Jo would never give up on Beryl if she were out there. My anger boils over as I toss the saddle to the ground, making my injury worse.

Carol reaches for me and I lash out at her. "Just leave me be. Stupid bitch."

When I get back to the tent B.J. is there waiting on me, Beryl is sitting at the picnic table with Lori and Carl. She's rubbing her belly, her bump starting to get round. I sit down on the cot, holding my side.

"Sorry." I look down at my boots, my anger starting to cool.

"I talk to Maggie, she said to leave things be. I didn't listen; I walked in and started yellin at Hershel. I told him those damn thangs in that barn are dead … dead as a doornail. He looked at me and told me to go. Rick won't talk any sense into him Daryl, his mind is made up." She keeps stroking her belly, her tears pooling in her eyes.

I reach over to her, pulling her next to me. "We'll get through this … promise." I place my forehead to hers, my fingers tucking a long strand of her hair behind her ear.

Her trembling hands go to my side, blood trickling out. "Let me patch this back up."

I lean back against the cot as she lifts my shirt, her face twisting up. "Is it bad?"

"You popped a stitch or two, but I can fix that." With a soft kiss, she goes to RV.

I watch her walk out, her soft smile making me feel like a total jackass for yelling at her.

When she comes back, I grin at her, hoping she'll forgive me yet again. "We good?"

She opens the first aid kit, pulling out the suture kit. "Yeah, we're good. Now shut the fuck up and let me stitch this."

Bobbi Jo works her fingers gracefully over my skin, her skill with a needle I'm sure do to the weeks she spent making me that angle wing vest. As she leans over me I see the tattoo on her chest, my fingers dipping insider her shirt.

"Still can't believe you got that." My finger traces the angle wing pattern, my initials on her chest.

"Shut up and let me fix this." Her mouth turns up in the corner, her eyes sparkling back at me.

"I love ya." My eyes drink her in, looking back into hers.

She bends down and bites the thread, placing a kiss on my wound. "Love you too, even if you are a hot head redneck."

"Like you ain't." Taking her hand, I kiss the back of it.

Her smile beams like the noon day soon, a small blush covering her cheeks. "I may be a hot head, but I'm your hot head."

Bobbi Jo's mood quickly turns when Shane walks by our tent, her eyes watching him walk towards the RV.

I move to stop her, but she's out the door before I can get up from the cot. I follow her as she walks to the RV door, blocking Shane's entrance in.

"Move!" Shane yells at her and I move towards him.

She waves her hand at me, her eyes burning a hole in Shane's skull. "For your information Shane, I didn't know about the damn barn. I ain't Hershel's kin, I was just staying here by his good graces … just like you."

Shane rubs the back of his head, looking over his shoulder at me. "Whether you knew or not ain't the issue now. If you want to stay on this farm and have that redneck baby of yers you best figure out a way to change Hershel's mind about those walkers in his barn."

My hands ball up into fists as I get ready to give him is ass a proper stomping when my red head beauty smacks the living shit out of him.

"Me and my family ain't none of your fuckin concern. You come near me, Beryl or Daryl again and I'll cut your damn balls off." B.J. steps aside, waving for him to go in.

As Shane steps inside she says her last bit of peace before walking away. "Don't go pissing on everyone else because Lori's pregnant and she doesn't want anythang to do with you anymore. You'll never be the man Rick is … never."

I see the gloating little smile on her face as she walks towards me, taking my hand as she does.

We go back to the tent, her lips and hands all over me. "Bobbi Jo … you want to do this right now?"

"Yes." She whispers as he pulls at my clothes.

I take her hands in mine, pinning them to her chest. "Maybe later."

The pout on her lips is too damn cute, her eyes looking like a sad puppy dog. "Okay, but I got needs Daryl Dixon."

"I got needs to Bobbi Jo Dixon and right now I need to rest." I pick up my crossbow and head out to the picnic table.

Beryl is playing with her doll, giggling at Carl. I watch as Bobbi Jo picks her up, kissing her cheeks over and over. My girls are my world and the thought of Sophia being out there rips me apart inside.

I tell B.J. about what happen between me and Carol at the horse stables, how Carol has given up. She braids Beryl's hair, smiling back at me.

"Remembering the other night at the pond?" I nod my head to her that night burned into my mind. "Remember seeing those Cherokee roses out there? Maybe Carol needs a reminder of what you told her. You're a good man Daryl, don't ever forget that."

Her eyes smile back at me as she kisses me sweetly on the cheek. I grin back at her, knowing what I have to do.

Walking over to Carol, I ask for her to follow me. She looks at me for a moment before we leave the campsite.

We walk out to the pond as I point out the Cherokee roses to her. "I'll find her. Hey, I'm sorry about what happen this morning."

"You wanted to look for her. Why? This whole time I just wanted to ask you." Carol looks at the flowers then back to me.

"'Cause I think she's still out there. Truth is, if that were Beryl I wouldn't stop lookin for nothin." The thought of Beryl being out there turns my stomach, the loss of her still haunted my heart and I wouldn't gonna lose my baby girl again.

Carol reaches over and touches the floor, sounding a little more hopeful. "We'll find her. We will, I see it."

We walk way, Carol back to the camp and me to the dock when she stops and looks back to me. "Tell Bobbi Jo thank you … she's a good woman Daryl and a good mother."

I sit down on the dock, taking off my shoes and dipping my feet in the cool water. A few moments later Bobbi Jo walks towards me, her hands resting on my shoulders. "Carol seems to be in better spirits. She's watching Beryl for me, so we can have a moment alone."

She sits down beside me, her lips on mine, her fingers in my hair. I kiss her back, my hands twisting in the back of her hair. Our lips move in time with each other, her tongue dipping in and out of my mouth. "I want you so bad."

"I am so gonna fuck you later." I whisper in her mouth, her legs wrapping around my waist, her body pressing up against mine.

We're a heated mess of grinding hips and moving lips, our breathing becoming ragged when I hear a small voice call out to me. "Daddy!"

Beryl voice echoes over the pond, B.J. moving from my lap. Taking her hand, we walk back out to camp. "What's up?"

Carol looks out to the farmhouse, the group gathering up there. We walk out that way, Carol waling behind holding Beryl's hand.

Glenn tells us Rick has gone off with Hershel, making my anger return again. I just don't get it, why aren't they out there following the trail for Sophia. Daylight was wasting and that little girl was still out there.

I look around to see Shane walking up with the bag of guns, handing me one and asking if I'm with him. I was tired of waiting around, waiting for people to make decisions that may or may not keep my family safe.

B.J. grabs Beryl, nodding her understanding to me. I take the gun, watching as Shane hands out the other guns. Lori and Shane have words, when Rick comes walking up with Hershel and two walks on leashes.

"What the fuck?" I look over and Bobbi Jo as she mouths the words keep us safe to me. One hand rests on the growing baby in her belly, the other holds tight to our little girl.

Shane takes off running, the rest of us following. I knew what I had to do, keep my girls safe.

Rick, Shane and Hershel start yelling at each other, the walkers growling and reaching for them.

I raise my shotgun, ready to drop the dead fuckers before me. One way or another I knew this was going to end badly.

Shane screams about how these things killed Amy and Otis and they're gonna kill us too. I see B.J. standing beside me, remembering her telling me how these things ripped Sam apart.

B.J. jumps beside me when Shane shoots the walking on Hershel's leash, proving that a living person could survive that.

Rick screams at Shane that it's enough and he responses by saying it is enough and shooting the walker in the head.

The man before me snaps, screaming at Rick and opening the barn door. Hershel is in tears on the ground as the walkers come out of the barn. Shane starts firing, dropping walkers and we don't have a choice but to fire back too.

Bobbi Jo tucks Beryl behind her, her tears rolling down her face. She keeps nodding to me, letting me know it's the right thing to do.

One by one the walkers come out, all of them falling over dead for real on the ground. I knew Hershel's family was included in the walkers we dropped, but I'd do the same if it was B.J. or Beryl.

We're looking at the massacre before us, Bobbi Jo's hand on my back. "You did the right thang." She whispers in my ear, her sobs breaking her words.

A still silence lies over the farm, the sound of the gunfire echoing in my ears when we hear growling coming from the barn. I look at the barn door to see a small, familiar frame walking towards me.

Sophia walks out into the sunlight, her human life over. A walker comes towards us wearing Sophia's face. I hear Carol cry out behind me, running towards me screaming Sophia's name.

B.J. tells me to grab her so I do, holding her by the waist and we both crumble to the ground.

Everyone stands in disbelief, Carol sobbing in my arms. I see Bobbi Jo sink to the ground beside me, holding Beryl to her chest.

"Don't look baby girl … don't look." I speak softly to my little girl, listening to her sob in her mother's arms.

Sophia stumbles towards us as Rick stands steady, raising his python and pulls the trigger. Just like that Sophia is really gone and part of me dies too. After everything that had happened, after all the searching and looking and she was dead all this time.

Turning my gaze to my wife and child, I see no hope for the baby she's carrying or the child in her arms. Maybe it would have been better if they had died at the farm.


	16. After the Storm

Tattoo and Tears

Chapter 16: After the Storm

As I hold my little girl in my arms, I feel my heart shatter in my chest. Carol's sobs, her wailing is more than I can take. I didn't know the sweet child that was taken too soon, but from the look on Daryl's face she must have been an angel.

Beryl holds tight to my shirt, her crying muffled into my chest. The chaos that had happened in a matter of moments was, in my eyes, a necessary evil. I don't much care of Shane, but I agree with what he did, just not how he did it.

Carol crawls from Daryl's arms as he tells her not to look. She slaps his arms, pulling herself away and running off. He stands there giving me the look of a man that has lost his soul.

Walking over to him, I hold to Beryl as I place an arm around him. He leans his head against my shoulder, holding his tears back.

"I'm gonna take her back to camp … do what ya gotta do." As I turn to leave, Daryl takes me by my elbow, his blue eyes looking through mine.

"She don't leave yer side … ever." I nod back to him, the expression on his face scaring me a little.

Beryl cries all the way back to the tent, her little hands fisted into my shirt. "Beryl, its okay sweetie."

I try to lay her down but she won't let go. "I want my daddy." She cries over and over as I cradle her to me, rocking her in my arms.

Carol crying is all I can hear, her gut wrenching sobs shredding my heart, layer by layer. Looking down at the sweet little girl in my arms, I feel guilt for having a living, breathing child to hold and one growing inside me.

I see Daryl walk by the tent; he stops and looks in. "She okay?"

"Yeah, she's almost asleep. You okay?" I try not to cry, knowing he needs someone to be strong for him.

He chews on his bottom lip, nodding his head. "I mean it B.J. … she don't leave yer side. She's with you or me, but you don't leave her."

"I know that Daryl … I won't." He walks over and kisses me softly on my forehead before he walks out towards the RV.

That kiss had more meaning in it than any kiss he'd given me before. I was sure that was him telling me he loved me and he was scared shitless.

I look down to see the sleeping angel in my arms and I begin to cry. I remember the day my farm was attacked, walkers in the barn, roaming the pasture, coming up the meadow.

I screamed for my father, screamed for Daryl, my heart leaping from my chest when I found my father and what I thought was my Beryl lying dead on the barn floor. The image of my father's bloody, broken body lying on the dirt and hay scattered floor will forever be burnt in my memory, the auburn curls that looked like Beryl's sticking out from under his arm.

Wiping my tears, I look up to see Daryl from the RV window, his back against the glass. I knew the good man he is couldn't let Carol grieve alone; he understood where she was coming from.

The heartache he carried with him after he left our farm must still be tattooed on his heart. Even with Beryl here, safe and sound, the recollection of Merle telling him that she was dead, that we were both gone must still live in that hole in his heart that dug out.

I wanted to go to Carol, give her a shoulder to cry on, a friendly face to talk to, but I knew my place is with my daughter. Lifting myself from the cot, I lay her down and smile at her. She had her thumb stuck her in mouth, her index finger crooked over her nose.

Beryl had done this since she was born, always using it as a way to soothe herself. I would often catch Daryl standing over her crib watching her sleep and smiling at the way she would suck her thumb.

Those happy memories are what give me hope, keep me going. I only hope I can add more happy memories to the ones I hold dear, that I don't have to live in fear and dread the rest of my days.

I take a seat on the floor of the tent, my round belly making it a little difficult to squat down. Sitting with my ankles tucked over, I let my hand stroke Beryl's hair. "Sleep baby girl and when you wake, this will all be a bad dream."

My thoughts go to the baby I'm yet to have, the one that will only know this hellish life we live now. With one hand on Beryl and one hand on my belly I pray to whoever is listening that my babies make it in this new world, that Daryl stays the good man I know he is.

Lori steps in the tent, her hand resting on my shoulder. "You and little bit okay?"

"Yeah, thanks Lori. Is Carol alright?" I quickly wipe my fresh tears, looking up at her.

"He will be, he's up at the house. Daryl out in the RV with Carol?" She walks back towards the tent door, her eyes fixed on my rounding belly.

"I don't think he wants to leave her alone." I get up from the floor, griping the cot to do so.

Lori gives me a half-hearted smile, her eyes glances over to the RV. "You need him too. If you want, we're going to have services for Sophia, Annette and Shawn."

She leaves, giving me a sense of peace. Lori understood that I was being strong for my husband and child, while trying to let my heart grieve. I wasn't sure what was going on with her and Rick, but I could tell she loved her husband and son very much.

I wait for Daryl outside the tent with Beryl resting over my shoulder. He walks by, a coldness hardening the blue of his eyes. "Let me take her." He lifts Beryl from my, laying her over his shoulder and wrapping her in his arms.

Reaching over to him, I lay my hand on his shoulder, only to have him go stiff. "Hershel's wife was named Annette, like my mom."

Daryl turns his icy glare at me, chewing on his bottom lip. "Yer mom died with people that she loved around her, she died and didn't come back. You ought to be grateful for that."

I stand there with tears clouding my vision, watching Daryl walk towards the graves with our daughter. That man wasn't my Daryl, that man was Merle Dixon's little brother.

We stand under the trees with a summer breeze blowing about, Daryl holding Beryl as if his arms are made of stone. I stand beside him, his eyes fixed on the blanket that covers Sophia's body.

All this death was like a black veil over the farm and over our hearts, it covered every inch of light that dared to shine and blacked any happiness that was once here.

My hand urns to hold Daryl's hand, my arms needing to feel him close, but the man beside me was now a ghost of the man I married. I could see my Daryl slipping away, my Daryl was lying on the ground next to a dead little girl that wasn't even his.

After the services, Daryl goes back to the tent and lays Beryl on the cot. He picks up his crossbow and walks out. "Where are you going?"

"I need some space, stop nagging me woman." I reach for him only to have his toss my hand off of him.

"This ain't my fault, this shit storm was started by Shane and once it started it was left to the rest of you to finish it. I know how you are Dixon, I know how you tuck your hurt inside, let it eat away at you. Sophia's dead, you can't change that. You have a little girl … alive and here. Go on … go off and lick your fuckin wounds, but you best get your ass back here and be a father for her." I look at him, my tears burning the back of my eyes.

Daryl looks at the floor, then back to me, his icy eyes now dark and brooding. "Maybe she should have died in that barn, both of ya. Then I wouldn't have to watch these dead fucks rip you apart."

My mouth gapes open, my body going numb. He walks out without another word, taking the broken pieces of my heart with him.

I don't know what to do, I sit in the tent in disbelief. Lori stops by the tent door, looking in. "B.J. … you okay?"

"Daryl … he's … he wishes I was dead, he said it would have been best of me and Beryl had died." My tears won't fall, my body is too numb, too cold to make them anymore.

She walks in, Beryl waking up. "I'm sure he's just hurtin right now. Give him some time and he'll come back around. Rick and Glenn went to find Hershel and Beth is in shock. I was wondering if you'd take Beryl and go up to the house and help Maggie watch Beth."

"I don't mean to sound selfish, but I ain't leavin till Daryl comes back." She creases her eyebrows, looking at me as if I'd told her to fuck off.

"Okay … just thought you might help out." I glower at her as she walks out, Beryl climbing in my lap, whispering she's hungry.

She's barely gone when Daryl comes back, his eyes looking wild. "Get our shit, we're movin."

"What?" I wasn't sure what he meant, his hands tossing our stuff in bags.

Beryl grabs her stuffed pony and doll, sitting by the campfire as I help Daryl take our tent down. He looks over his shoulders a dozen times, making sure she's still there.

"Come on, I've already move the bike." We walk behind him with what few belongings we have strapped over our shoulders.

Beryl runs out ahead of us, Daryl yelling at her to stay with us. My anger starts to boil over, I had just about enough of him acting like a stubborn, jackass of a redneck.

"Don't yell at her." I scream at him.

He stops, glaring at me. "Don't tell me what to do. She's mine too, it's up to me to keep her … you and this damn baby safe."

Without thinking, I drop my bags and slap him. "Don't you dare, not now … not ever. This damn baby is yours and whether you like it or not, it will be here soon. Maybe Beryl and I should have died back at the farm and freed you from the burden of taking care of us."

He looks at me as if I'd driven a dagger in his chest. I pick up my bags, take Beryl's hands and march towards his bike that is parked by a lone chimney in the middle of a field.

We set up our new camp in silence, Daryl making grunting noises every now and then. I ignore him when he reaches for me or calls my name; I wasn't ready to forgive him.

"I'm gonna go get some water; you can watch her for a minute." Picking up a pale, I walk towards a pump at the fence.

When I get back, Daryl is making some new bolts, Beryl playing in our tent. I see Lori walking towards him, a look of determination on her face.

"Movin to the suburbs? Listen, Beth's inside in some kind of catatonic shock. We need Hershel." She walks up to him as I duck behind the chimney.

He does look at as he answers her, his hands on the task of carving out the wood. "Yeah. So what?"

Lori squats down, speaking softly. "So I need you to run into town real quick and bring him and Rick back. Daryl?"

I peek over the side of the chimney, seeing Daryl stare at her. "Your bitch went window-shoppin. You want him? Go fetch him yourself. I got better thangs to do."

The tone of his voice reminded me of the Daryl that I would find all bruised and bloody when his old man would beat him, the Daryl that lashed out like a wounded animal if you got too close.

"What's a matter with you? Don't you be so selfish. You got more than most to be thankful for." Lori gives him back his own tone, the mother bear in her coming out.

I see Daryl jump to his feet, swinging the bolt in his hand around. "Selfish? Listen to me Olive Oyl. I was out there lookin for that little gurl every single day. I took a bullet and an arrow in the progress. Don't you tell me about gettin my hands dirty! You want those two idiots? Have a nice ride. I'm done lookin for people."

She glares at him, her hand on her hip. Beryl comes out of the tent, her big blue eyes full of tears. "Daddy … don't be mad."

Lori shakes her at Daryl, clenching her jaw. "Good thing you know where Beryl is … since you're done lookin for people."

I sit the pail of water down, rushing over to my weeping child. Daryl tosses his knife and bolt down, stomping off.

I hold Beryl tight to me, her cries for her daddy rattling the broken pieces of my heart in my chest. Wiping her tears, I look at her, kissing her cheeks and forehead. "Hey, listen to Mommy. I'm gonna get yer Daddy back, I promise. He needs to be alone right now, but I'll get him back."

Looking out over the dry grass field, I watch Daryl walk towards the fence. I make a promise to myself that I wouldn't let this world take him from me, I would get my Daryl back.


	17. Finding Me

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 17: Finding Me

It was getting darker, a storm was moving in. I finish setting up our new camp, Bobbi Jo putting up a line for the wash.

My wife was doing her best to ignore me, even going so far as putting her cot on the other side of the tent.

We do this back and forth dance of who can piss the other off more, B.J. giving me dirty looks over her shoulder. When I hang the walker ears I had collected on her clothes line, she purses her lips and glares at me.

"Really? You want your child … your daughter to see those things hangin there? You are seriously fucked up Dixon." She takes Beryl's hand, storming back in the tent.

I was still pissed at the world, I had so much hurt inside and I didn't know what to do with it. First, I had to swallow my hurt when Merle told me Beryl and Bobbi Jo were dead only to swallow more of the same when I found out Merle had been left to die on a roof top. That hurt piled on higher when I saw Merle's bloody severed hand and I knew I was alone in this fucked up world.

The guilt of not being there for my family, for not protecting them dug a hole in my heart. When Sophia went missing and I saw that same hurt and lost look on Carol's face, I was determined to not let her go through all the hurt and heartache I had. To lose your baby girl is a hurt that never goes away, it's a pain that lives in your bones, in your soul and haunts you when you sleep.

Some of the hurt lifted when I saw Beryl that day on Hershel's porch, felt that hole in my heart start to close. When Maggie pointed at my ginger beauty, I was sure all the anger and pain would wash away, but it didn't.

My pain, my anger was like a mask over my real face. I showed the world a me I never liked, a me that existed before my B.J. gave me a reason to live, before my Beryl opened up my heart to true unconditional love.

This other me was the me that could deal with this shitty world, could handle the pain, the disappointment and the bitterness of death. This me was here now and I needed to find the real me before I drove my beautiful B.J. and my sweet Beryl away for good.

Beryl walks out of the tent, rubbing her eyes. "Daddy, I's hungry." She crawls between my legs, laying her little head on my thigh.

I kiss her hair, stroking her back. "You want some squirrel?"

She smiles up at me, she had always loved roasted squirrel. I knew from the moment I had given Beryl her first bit of squirrel she was a Dixon through and through.

B.J. walks out to the chimney, taking the squirrels I had skinned and gutted from the rope. "I'll get some sticks."

Before she can walk away, I grab her hand and pull her back to me. "Me and you … we're gonna be good again."

Her hand rests on my chest, her blue eyes gazing back at me with the softest smile. "I hope so."

She walks off to get some sticks to roast the meat on, Beryl reaching her hands up to me. I pick her up, kissing her cheek. "Daddy loves you sweetpea."

Beryl lays her curly head on my shoulder, grinning shyly back at me. "You still mad?"

Closing my eyes, I knew I was taking my anger, releasing my pain on the wrong people. I was pissed at Carol for giving up on Sophia, for acting like she didn't care when she died. I was pissed at Rick for letting her get lost and Shane for opening the barn. I was pissed at this fucking world for being so screwed up and I was mostly pissed at all the time I had lost with my girls because I took Merle's word as gospel.

"Daddy ain't mad at you and mommy sweetheart, he's just mad. I won't go yellin at you again, not like that." My heart thuds hard in my chest when she wraps her arms around my neck and nuzzles her face there.

"Loves you Daddy, lots." My mask was starting to crack; I could finally see my family with my own eyes.

I sit Beryl down on a poncho I had found, her little eyes looking heavy. "As soon as mommy gets back we'll have us some dinner baby gurl."

Picking up a limb, I start poking at the fire as Beryl lays back and falls asleep. The sound of someone running up the meadow makes me look over my shoulder, Carol nearly out of breath as she comes up to me.

"We can't find Lori and the others aren't back yet." She looks at me, as if I'm supposed to do something.

Looking at my sleeping babe, I fight back the bitterness of Carol's intrusion. "Yeah. That dumb bitch must've gone off looking for 'em."

I poke at the fire again, wishing I could be alone with my family. She shuffles her feet, still staring at me. "What?"

"Yeah, she asked me to go. I told her I was done being an errand boy." I can hear the crunching of footsteps in the tall grass behind the chimney, knowing it must be Bobbi Jo.

Carol lets out a sigh, giving me that motherly tone. "And you didn't say anything?"

I don't look at her, poking the fire and keeping an eye on my slumbering daughter. Carol walks away, leaving me unsure if I did the right thing. Bobbi Jo walks over to the fire, taking my Buck knife to make a point on the sticks.

B.J. looks up at Carol then back to me. "Daryl … I think she wants you."

I look up to see her standing at our tent. She walks back towards the fire, Bobbi Jo resting on the chimney behind me.

"Don't do this. Please. I've already lost my girl." There it was, Carol laying more of her problems at my feet. I didn't need her guilt or her shit; I had my own fucking family to look after, to protect.

I jump to my feet, the limb still in my hand. "That wasn't my problem neither." Tossing the limb to the ground at her feet, I walk by her leaving my anger at the fire.

She walks away, looking at Bobbi Jo before she goes. I look over at my wife, waiting for her to start in on me. She keeps carving on the sticks, shoving one of them in the ground.

I watch as she stuffs a raw squirrel on the end of the spike, smiling back at me. "Beryl is yours … not Sophia. You did right by her and Carol, you almost died looking for her. You don't owe any of them anythang. I need you here; with me and our daughter … I need my husband back."

Crossing the distance between us in a few steps, I pull her in my arms and kiss her deep and hard. Her arms slide over my shoulders, her body pressed into mine. I deepen the kiss, letting my tongue dominate her mouth. She lets out a heavy moan, her hips rolling against me.

I can feel the roundness of her belly pressing into my stomach, her fingers twisting into my hair. "I want you so bad." I whisper into her mouth, her tongue licking at my bottom lip.

As I wrap my arms around her, pulling her even closer to me, I feel a tiny hand tug at the hem of my shirt. "I hungry!"

We both let out a chuckle, B.J. kissing me once more before walking out of my arms. She looks at me with this gleam in her eye, mouthing me and you later as she points her finger at me then to herself.

I nod to her, my index finger rubbing my lips. I hadn't kissed her like that in a long time and dammit it felt good.

Picking up the other spike, I finish the tip and place it over the fire too. With the squirrels cooking, I pull B.J. in my arms as we rest back against the chimney. She places my hand over her roundness, smiling back at me. "I am worried about Rick and the others."

"Yeah, I knew you would be. What do you want from me B.J.? I can't be there for them and here for you." I move my hand from her belly, my body going stiff.

She grabs my hand again, holding it tight. "I want you here with me and Beryl, but they had your back in the past Daryl … been your family when you didn't have one. I want you to do what is best for you; I want you to be the man I married."

In my heart, I knew she was right but I wasn't ready to leave this little bit of peace I had managed to find. I wasn't ready to be at their beckon call; I wanted more of my girls and less of this shitty world.

Another rumble of thunder claps over head as I check our dinner, B.J. walking to the farmhouse for some milk for Beryl. Beryl looks at the sizzling meat, her blue eyes getting bigger. I pull one of the squirrels off, laying it on a piece of tarp.

After we eat, Beryl instantly falls asleep. I wipe the grease from her lips and hands, taking her to her cot in the tent. Bobbi Jo starts cleaning up, going back to the pump for more water.

I go over to the line to hang the squirrel and rabbit pellets to dry, taking a piss by a tree. On my way back to camp, I see Carol starting at the walker ears. I was tired of them coming over here to rip me away from my family; I had to put a stop to it.

"What are you doin?" My angry tone from before returns, my mask sliding back on my face.

"Keeping an eye on you." Carol looks at me as if she's frightened of me, her eyes showing her fear.

I walk in a circle around her, staring back at her. "Ain't you a peach? Don't you go worrin about me."

"I'm not gonna let you pull away. You've earned your place." Her words set me off. My place was with Beryl and B.J., not out chasing ghost or lost assholes.

"If you spent half your time minding your daughter's business instead of sticking your nose in everybody else's, she'd be alive!" The hurt, the anger, the me that lashes out is right here before me and I was letting him have a go at her.

"Go ahead." Carol gives me that look I'd seen on my mother's face a dozen times when her and my old man would fight.

"Go ahead and what? I mean just go! I don't want you here!" I step back and take a look at her, wondering if she felt anything at all.

Walking up in her face, I point my finger at her. "You're a real piece of work, lady. What, are you goin to make this about my daddy or some crap like that? Pfft, you don't know Jack. You're afraid. You're afraid 'cause you're all alone. You got no husband, no daughter. You don't know what to do with yourself. You ain't my problem, Sophia wasn't mine. All you had to do is keep an eye on her!"

Those last words come out all hate and bile, my face right up in hers. Carol flinches, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. I hear a voice call for me from the other side of the camp, Bobbi Jo standing there with her pail of water. "DARYL!"

B.J. walks in between me and Carol, her hand on my chest. "Carol, just go. You need to leave."

I walk away from her, back to the tent and my little girl. Climbing on the cot, I pull Beryl over my chest, kissing the top of head. "I ain't never gonna let that happen to you. I ain't ever gonna lose you. Yer daddy is here and I ain't goin every leavin you again."

Bobbi Jo scoots her cot next to Beryl's, lying down beside us. Her hand goes over Beryl's back, her other hand plays with my hair. "What was that out there with Carol?"

Looking over at her, I take a deep breath before I answer. "That was me settin some guidelines …that was me takin my family back."

"Uh un...that was some loud guidelines Dixon. What do you say tomorrow we go back to the farmhouse, get an idea of thangs?" Her fingernails send goosebumps over my skin as she lightly scratches my scalp.

As the night lingers on, I wake up to my girls wrapped around me. I slide Beryl off my chest and back to her cot, waking B.J. in the up process. "Is it morning?"

The rain taps on tent, lightening flashing outside. I knell down beside my wife, kissing her softly. "No, but I did make you a promise I didn't make good."

I place a blanket over Beryl, pulling Bobbi Jo in my arms. We push the cot back against mine, pulling a blanket over us as we lay down. B.J. smiles at me as she pulls her pants off, her underwear sliding down next. I grin back at her, my hands running over the creamy skin of her thighs.

She grabs my hand, pushing it under her shirt. I pull her breast out of her bra, my fingers rubbing her pert nipple. Bobbi Jo sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, tossing her head back.

I look back to make sure Beryl is asleep, Bobbi Jo unbuckling and unbuttoning my pants. Her hand slides inside as she pushes them from my hips, her fingers gripping my hard shaft. "I want this in me now."

Forgetting about the foreplay, I crawl between her legs and rest the head of my length at her opening. Looking her in the eyes, I rest my hands on each side of her. "Love you."

She places her hands on my back, grinning coyly back at me. "Love you too Dixon."

Thrusting my hips forward, I push against her velvet walls, her core tightening down on me. The pure ecstasy of it almost makes me lose control, my body coming undone with each movement of my hips.

The rolling of her hips, the arching of her back, the soft moans into my neck, the wetness surrounding my hard cock, it was all more than I could have hoped for. Being inside her was like being on the best high I ever had and adding the best buzz from drinking all night.

As my wife lets out a loud moan, I feel her core tighten over my throbbing cock as she gushes out her release. With a few more quick pumps, I empty my bliss inside her and enjoy the wildfire of pleasure roaring through my body.

The storm picks up, the wind pushing against the tent. Bobbi Jo reaches down and pulls her clothes back on, her eyes sparkling like the missing stars outside. "Consider that a promise well-kept husband."

I jerk my pants back up, tasting her lips once more. "Don't ever say Daryl Dixon don't keep his promises."

She giggles into my neck as she rests her head on my shoulder, kissing my neck all the way up to my jawline. "Maybe another go in the mornin?"

"Is that you or the hormones talkin? I remember what you were like when you were pregnant with Beryl … couldn't get enough of me." I chuckle, feeling her leg hook over mine.

"Good night husband." Her lips kiss my neck again, her body curling into mine.

"Good night … wife." I stork the skin of her arms as I fall asleep, happy to finally have her Daryl back.


	18. Tug of War

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 18: Tug of War

I wake to a gentle breeze blowing through the tent, the hazy glow of sunrise behind me.

Slipping out of my slumbering husband's arms, I go about stoking the fire. Beryl stirs, clumsily walking out of the tent. She rubs the sleep from her eyes, yawning as she sits down by the chimney.

"Are you hungry baby girl?" I look over at her, my mood much better than the day before.

She nods her head, wrapping her arms around her doll. I stir the embers of the fire from last night, placing some dry kindling on it. The fire sparks up, the flames reaching up the logs around it.

A hand goes around my expanding waist, lips caress my neck. "Morin beautiful."

"Mornin yourself Dixon." I place a hand over his, enjoying the kisses trailing up my neck and to my jaw.

"Daddy." Beryl pushes between us, giggling.

Daryl grabs her up, swinging up in the air. Beryl laughs out, Daryl kissing her cheek as he places her over his shoulders.

"I'm gonna go up to the farmhouse, see if Rick made it back yet." He reaches a hand out for me, keeping one on Beryl.

"Daryl, if Rick isn't back you need to go lookin for him. I don't want you out there riskin your life, but I understand what they did for you why I wasn't there. Just know, I need you as much as they do … just stay safe husband." He takes my hand, grinning back at me.

After we change, we head up to the farmhouse. Beryl looks so happy sitting upon her father's shoulders, the sun making her auburn curls glow like new copper.

When we get there, nothing has changed. Rick, Hershel and Glenn still haven't made it back and Beth is still in some sort of shock.

I take Beryl to the kitchen for a bit to eat, helping Patricia gather an IV for Beth. Maggie places her hand on my belly, tears in her eyes. "Are you and this little one okay?"

Her sadness clings to her, her tears making her pretty face look so doleful. Pulling her into a hug, I whisper back to her. "I'm good, don't you worry about me."

"You're like a sister to me, I do worry about you." She squeezes me lightly before releasing me.

We walk to the bedroom Beth is in, her face more ashen than pale. "Beth needs you sweetie. We'll do what we can until Hershel gets back."

I turn to go, Maggie kissing Beth's forehead. "I'm real glad you got Daryl back. It's good to see you and Beryl smile again."

"Right now we need to get your family back." I smile at her, hoping what was left of her family would be alright.

Walking out to the porch, I see Daryl with the others as they pack up Shane's hatchback. He's checking a shotgun when I walk over to him. Daryl reaches over and kisses me, giving me a coy wink.

"I'll be back Red … promise." I kiss him again, letting my hand play with the back of his hair.

"I know you will Dixon." Looking over my shoulder I see Shane, his eyes burning back at me.

Walking by him, I stop and turn to him. "You got somethin to say Shane?"

"Daryl is needed here, with our group. You got him off playing house while our people are out there missing." I look over my shoulder to see Daryl staring at us. Giving him a quick smile, I turn my steely stare back to the jackass before me.

"Daryl is here, but don't ever make the mistake that he'd ever choose y'all over us. I'm his wife, this his child and that's his little girl in there. He's not your hunter, your tracker, your go get'em guy. He's his own man, he don't need y'all as much as you need him." With a clenched jaw, I glare back at him until he nods at me and walks away.

I didn't like or trust Shane, there was something about him that screamed ravening lunatic.

Dale walks up behind me, his rifle over his shoulder. "Can I talk to you about Shane, later?"

"Sure … right now I need to help Maggie with Beth." Dale gives me a quick nod, the elder man obviously knowing something.

I walk into the kitchen, Carol chopping up an apple for my daughter. "B.J., about last night?"

"You don't have to Carol, what's done is done." I take Beryl's hand, walking out towards the porch.

Carol follows me, asking me to stop. "I'm sorry … it's just …"

"That you've lost everythang and Daryl has shown you a small bit of kindness. He's been there for you when the world was crashin around you. I get that. We're all here for you Carol, not just Daryl." A tear rolls down her face as she quickly wipes it away.

We don't say another word; there was no need to really. I understood why she came out to the campsite last night and she hopefully she understood Daryl has a family to worry about too.

As I approach the screen door, I hear a car pull up. Everyone in the house comes rushing out, Rick pulling Hershel's SUV up by the house.

I can tell by the look on Shane's face, he wasn't really happy Rick was back, his narrowed eyes showing his disdain.

Maggie comes running by me, straight into Glenn's arms. The stunned look on my face is only matched by the one on Hershel's as she runs past her father.

Going over to Daryl, I stand there beside him with Beryl clinging to his hand. He holds the crossbow over his shoulder, staring at the SUV. He's about to say something to me when T-Dog points in the same place Daryl was staring and asks who the hell is that.

Glenn glances over to us, looking shaken. "That's Randall."

We all walk a little closer to the SUV, seeing a boy with a blindfold over his eyes and from his demeanor we could tell he was injured.

"Get Beryl back in the house, we got some shit to figure out." Daryl kisses my cheek, his eyes telling me he was worried about this boy that Rick brought back.

I do as he asks, picking my daughter up. She reaches for her father; Daryl telling her he'd see her later. She lays her head on my shoulder, her tears falling on my neck.

I go back in to sei with Beth, Hershel tending to his youngest. "I'll stay with her, you go on Hershel."

Beryl sits on the floor playing with some old blocks as I wipe Beth's face with a cool cloth. A few moments pass and I can hear voices in the house, some louder than others. The group had gathered in the dining room, Rick telling them what happened. That Randall's group shot at them, tried to kill them at the bar in town and that they brought him back after he hurt his leg and his group left for dead.

I creep over to the door, opening it slightly. Daryl walks in, nodding to Carol. She looks back at him, her eyes looking happy to have him back with the group.

A fear sets inside me, one that pushes against my chest. I could feel these people pulling at him, tearing him away from me. Part of me knew this was foolish, just a pregnant woman letting her hormones get the best of her, but the other part could see the truth. Just like Merle constantly pulling him from me, this group was doing the same damn thing.

Hot tears spring in my eyes, tears that I had been fighting from the moment Carol showed up in our camp. They all wanted a piece of him and I could see that my absences, our time apart had broken him in a way that I wasn't sure I could heal.

Sitting down on the bed, I let my tears fall. Beryl looks up at me, her tiny feet running over to me. "Momma, don't cry." I pick her up and hold her to me. This world was more than I could handle, it was tearing me apart as surely as if one of those dead things had me in its grasp.

Maggie comes back in the room, the raised voices and shouting now quite. "Bobbi Jo … what's wrong?"

" Where's Daryl?" I wipe my tears, still holding my child in my arms.

"He left … guess he went back to your camp." I place Beryl on my hip and swiftly walk from the house. My feet make quick work of the porch steps, my body moving on automatic.

Carol is walking out towards our camp when I catch up to her, her eyes fixed on our tent. "Carol … what are you doing?"

"He's still pulling away; he wouldn't even talk to me back at the house. I need to talk to him about last night." I sit Beryl down, telling her to go on in the tent.

Whipping around to her, I let the anger that had been boiling over inside me seep out. "I'm sorry you lost Sophia, I'm so sorry. But Daryl ain't the answer to your fuckin problems. He's barely been back with me for a few days and you people still are treating him like you own him. Back the fuck off!"

My screams rattle her, her eyes going wide. She tries to smile at me, my own tears falling. Daryl walks up behind me, taking my hand. Carol nods to him as he pulls me in his arms and holds me to his chest.

He strokes my hair as I cry against his shoulder, his strong arms holding me tight. "Gurl, what's wrong with you?"

I wrap my arms around his waist, my words coming out muffled against his jacket. "They keep pullin you away from me, Rick needs you, Carol needs you … the group needs you."

Daryl pulls me back from his chest, kissing me softly. "They might need me, but yer all I need gurl."

"I'm being stupid …" He cuts my words off with another kiss, his hands cradling my face.

We stand there in the meadow kissing, his mouth and tongue proving he owns me. A light euphoria sweeps over me as his attentions make me dizzy. We're drawn back to reality when Dale calls my name.

I break the kiss, my lips feeling numb. "I need to talk to Dale."

"Okay gurl, I need to talk to Rick anyway. B.J. … I ain't gonna nowhere gurl. It will always be me and you … always." He kisses me once more before picking up his crossbow and walking back towards the farm.

Dale apologizes for interrupting our moment, looking a tab embarrassed. We sit by the chimney, Beryl sitting in my lap listening intently.

I take in Dale's concerns as he tells me his theory that Shane killed Otis and how he saw him aim a shotgun at Rick in the woods.

Hearing that my fears are found, I hold my hand to my chest. "You don't trust him?"

"Do you? He's dangerous and from the way he's acting, he would like nothing more than to have Rick and Hershel gone." He takes his hat from his head and looks very sternly at me.

I pat his shoulder, expressing my own concerns and what I've observed from Shane. I tell him of the little conversations I've had with Shane and that I believe him. Dale and I agree to keep an eye on Shane, for the sake of the group and my family.

Before he leaves, he takes my hand and asks what's bothering me beside Shane. "It's Daryl … the group keeps pulling him away from me."

I look into his unrest eyes, his wisdom looking back at me. "I know Carol has mentioned that she's worried about Daryl, that he's going back to the way he was when we first met him. I"ll talk to them or is it Carol you need me to talk to?"

Smiling back at him, I can see he understands me clearly. "Thanks Dale, I know you'll do what's best for everyone … me included."

"Walk an old man back." He offers me his arm and I take it as we walk and talk on our way back to the farm.


	19. Bringing in the Sheaves

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 19: Bringing in the Sheaves

We had a stranger in our midst, a boy that with his gang tried to kill Rick, Glenn and Hershel at the bar in town. They were lucky to get back alive and in one piece, but the boy Randall, wasn't so lucky.

Rick took pity on him after his group left him for dead with a busted up leg. It was Rick's decision to take him about 18 miles out of town and leave him with some previsions. Daryl wasn't too sure about his plan, didn't like the idea that he might get back with his group.

I could tell from the look on Shane's face, he wasn't too pleased with Rick's idea either, the two of them blindfolding Randall as they pack him into the hatchback.

I look at Daryl as they drive off, the morning still early. "I'm gonna go help Hershel in the fields today … you comin?"

"Think I'll stay close, incase walkers come near the farm. Don't overdo it; you got our baby to think of." He gives me a quick kiss as he picks Beryl up and walks towards Dale's RV.

I watch the green hatchback drive down the dirt road as I walk out towards the fence, Dale walking out with me. "I'm worried about Rick, alone out there Shane."

We walk out towards the stables, the sun extra hot today. I shade my eyes with my hand, looking back at him. "I do too, Shane is dangerous. He more or less told me he wanted Daryl with the group and away from me and Beryl. He wants to control all of you, be some sort of leader. All we can do is watch Rick's back when he's here and don't trust Shane."

Hershel walks out of the stables, the horse that through Daryl walking beside him. "Bobbi Jo, I hate to ask this of you, but I need my family with me … all of them. You know the way to Adam's farm, I need you to go out there and bring him, Ally and the children back here. It was wrong of me to let them go, we need to stay together. I'm not asking you to do this alone, maybe Daryl can go with you and Maggie can keep an eye on Beryl."

Dale looks at me with concern in his eyes, shaking his head. "You aren't really thinking about doing this? You know what's out there and you're pregnant."

"Hershel's right … I know my way around this farm and how to get to his brother in laws. I won't go alone, I got this Dale." I turn to go, but Dale grips my arm.

"If you feel you have to go, be careful. That sweet little girl of yours needs her parents and I want my friend back." I hug Dale, his arms hugging me back. I knew I had more than a friend in Dale, I had a father figure.

Walking back out towards the house, I see Daryl sitting under some trees working on his bike. He looks up at me, Nellie and her bridle in my hand. "Going for a ride?"

"You remember Adam, the man that brought Strawberry back to me? He lives on a farm close to Hershel's; it was them that took me in when Sam found me. Hershel asked me to go after them, bring them back to the farm." His cool blue eyes instantly turn dark, hardening around the corners at me.

"Hell no you ain't goin! Take that fuckin horse back and tell Hershel if he wants his damn family, go fetch'em his damn self." He tosses the wrench in his hand on the ground, rising to his feet.

"Daryl …" I try to calm him as he paces back and forth before me, seething.

With my hand on his chest, I look into his eyes with all the softness I can mustard. "I can do this Daryl and if you go with me, I'll be safer."

"Nah … you ain't goin." He refuses to hear me out, sitting back down in the dirt. "Take that fuckin horse back Bobbi Jo."

On my way back to the stables, I pass Glenn. He sees the tears on my face and stops me. "You okay?"

"Will you do me a favor?" I look up at him, my mind racing.

"Name it." Glenn smiles back at me, a cheerful look in his eyes.

"Tell Daryl I went for a ride, out to the wheat field. I told him I was helping Hershel with the harvest … please Glenn?" He shakes his head, his arm full of firewood shuffling around.

"I don't know … I don't like lying … I'm not good at it." I kiss his cheek and mount Nellie as he looks up to me with unsure eyes.

"I'll be back soon … promise." I tuck my heels in Nellie's side, making the horse trot off.

Stopping by our tent, I take my crossbow and Daryl's Buck knife. I knew I had time, that bike would keep Daryl busy for a few more hours and Patricia was watching Beryl in the house.

Picking up one of the large tree limbs from the fire pit, I take it for good measure. "Couldn't hurt." I say to Nellie as if she understands me.

The ride out to Adam's is only an hour or so, I knew I'd be back before the sun even started to set. Taking the path out by the river, I follow it until the trees start to get thicker.

Keeping my eyes peeled to the woods and my ears open to any sound that wasn't natural, I nudge Nellie forward on my way to see Adam and Ally.

I'm half way there when three walkers come rambling towards me, one looking like he'd been dead a while. I flip my crossbow around my shoulder, sending the bolt into his forehead. The other two come at me a little faster, Nellie getting spooked. "Whoa girl."

Pulling the reigns tighter, I jerk Nellie away from the reaching claw like hands. Twisting around in the saddle, I take out the limb and bash the female walkers head up against a tree.

Nellie rears back, flailing her hooves in the air. "Whoa!"

I try to calm the horse when the last walker grips my leg. With the Buck knife, I slash at it, cutting its rotten jaw from its face.

To keep Nellie from bucking me off, I pull the bit in her mouth and kick her hard in the side. She rears back again before bolting off. I hold tight to her, hoping she doesn't run over a cliff or down a slope.

We jump over a fallen log before we make it to the meadow of Adam's farm. I try to slow her down, pulling slightly on the bridle

My heart is pounding in my chest and my baby is kicking up a storm when I finally make it out to the farmhouse. As I take slow breaths; I slide off the horse and tie her to the porch post.

Walking up on the porch, I keep the crossbow on my back and my hand on the hilt of the Buck knife. The front door is standing open, the house too quiet for them to have small children.

Making my way through the first level, I see blankets on the couch and the floor, blood smearing the hardwood. I tiptoe up the stairs, avoiding the loose board on the landing. As I walk hunched over, I make it to the master bedroom first.

The smell hits me first, rotten flesh and bodily fluids. I step back out, trying not to hurl. My worst fear is just inside that room, someone was dead or worse, a walker.

Pulling the knife from its sheath, I inch my way into the room. Before me, sitting by the window was Adam's corpse. A small box and note lay on the writing desk beside him. I can feel my heart thud hard against my chest, looking at the gaping hole in the back of Adam's skull.

"Why Adam … why?" I pick up the revolver from the floor, one bullet missing.

Turning to the writing desk, I pick up the note and instantly feel guilty for reading it.

_Dear Hershel,_

_I know now these things aren't sick, they are demons come to take our souls. After Aaron wandered off again, I found him bit and bleeding. I did everything I could to save my son, but like with Annette, nothing worked. He turned in the middle of the night, taking my Ally and Abby with him. I buried them in the back yard, next to Bobbi Jo's friend. _

_I packed up a few of Annette's things for the girls, thought they'd like to have them. You'll find our mother's cameo necklace, Beth always liked that. Please understand, I couldn't drag you and the girls into this. All that has happened to my family is my fault, it lies at my feet. _

_May God have mercy on our souls._

_Adam_

I fold the letter up, placing it in my back pocket and pick up the box. Making my way out to the backyard, I see three more graves beside the one that belongs to Sam.

Three makeshift crosses are stuck in the ground at the head of each grave, stones resting on top. I place my hand to my lips, then back to the top of each cross. "I'm sorry my friend, I'm sorry I couldn't save your family."

When I round the corner of the house I hear growling, letting me know I need to haul ass and now.

Jumping back on Nellie, I tuck the small box in the saddle bags and head back towards Hershel's.

Every growl or grunt I hear alerts me to keep the horse from that direction. I keep to the path by the river until I see a walker on the bank eating a deer. Raising my crossbow, I take out the walker and lose a bolt in the process.

Entering the high grass of the pastor, I see the wheat fields and Hershel's white hair waving among the golden stalks. He waves at me as I ride up, his smiling eyes turning to worried ones in a flash. I meet him at the fence, his hands hanging over.

"Where are Adam and Ally?" He licks his parched lips, studying my face.

I reach in my back pocket, pulling out the note. I hand both the note and box to him, watching his blue eyes tear up. "I'm real sorry Hershel."

The heat and humidity cling to me as I put Nellie back in her stall, hoping I made the few hours journey without Daryl finding out. As soon as I leave the stables, I found out my husband is observant.

"You did exactly what I told ya not to do … didn't ya?" He stands against the barn, his arms crossed over his chest.

I take my crossbow off of my back, handing it to him. "Yup."

With a sardonic smile, I walk past him and towards the farmhouse. He walks up beside me, taking me by my elbow.

"Why can't ya ever do what I tell ya, why do ya always have to be so fuckin stubborn?" His voice was stern, making his southern drawl more pronounced.

I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him softly at first, then deeper as he kisses me back. He pulls back from me, looking me in the eyes. "I'm alive, I'm still here. I can handle myself Daryl … you taught me well."

"You pull anythang like this again and I'll …" I kiss him before his angry words can finish that sentence.

His hands rest on my hips as he kisses me harder, a small victorious smile curling up on my lips.

Between kisses I promise him I'll stay put, hoping this will curb his sour mood. As his lips move away from mine, I see the flash of a smile on his face. "I mean it … I'll hogtie you if you try this shit again."

I move in to kiss him again when I see the green hatchback driving up the dirt road, a plume of dust following behind.

"You go on and check on Rick … I'm gonna get Beryl." Daryl's fingers trail from my shoulder to my hand, causing shivers to roll down my spine. He walks away from me with a sly smirk on his face; he knew exactly what his touches do to me.

Hershel is sitting on the porch steps when I walk up, his broken heart showing on his face. I pat him on the shoulder as I walk past, seeing the same look on Maggie's face.

Maggie tells me about Beth's attempted suicide and that everything is okay now. So much had happened while I was gone, the world had grown colder and people had grown harder.

This new world didn't leave a moment to let your guard down. While Hershel was out bringing in the harvest and I was out bringing back the remains of his family, Rick and Shane risked their lives to take a danger away from the farm, only to bring him back.

Things were about to get harder for all of us. Little did I know, death and chaos were waiting for us on the other side of that sunset.


	20. Right and Wrong

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 20: Right and Wrong

Punch after punch, I hit Randall's face, trying to get the truth out of the little bastard. After Rick and Shane had come back with him, I knew we had to know if his group would be coming back for him.

Bobbi Jo looked at me with those clear blue eyes, no judgment or doubt on her face at what we both knew I had to do. She gives me a long, deep kiss before taking my hand.

"We need to keep our family safe and we can't do that without gettin our hands dirty." Her sweet smile lets me know she stands with me, she gets that a little blood had to be slipped to protect the ones you love.

I beat on the boy some more, asking him the same questions over and over. I'm confident, he either doesn't know a damn thing or he's a fucking good liar.

When I'm sure my fists ain't gonna work on this slimy piece of shit, I pull out my hunting knife and that livens him right up.

Randall begs for me not to use my knife on him, but I send it straight between his legs, asking him a how was in his group again.

He finally spits out about thirty guys, and then he stalls again. I rip the bandage off his injured leg, using my blade against his wound to keep this stool pigeon squawking.

As I'm about to cut deeper into the wound on his leg, he starts telling me this story about his group. They had men, women and kids, took him in. Randall looks up at me with blood trailing down his face, telling me about going out scavenging with just the men and I knew this story wasn't gonna to end well.

I have my back to him as he talks, until he tells me about those men raping these two young teenage girls and making their daddy watch. My mind goes to my Beryl, to B.J. and the baby she's carrying. Those fucking som'bitches could easily stroll in here and try to do the same sick thing to my girls.

My vision goes red when he tells me he didn't touch those girls, just another damn lie. With a stomach full of rage, I lunge at him and kick him hard.

Randall keeps saying he ain't like that over and over as I kick him over and over, my hand beating his face until my knuckles are bleeding. No way in fucking hell was I gonna let some sack of shit get by with raping two little girls.

After I'm satisfied I've got all the information I'm gonna get out of Randall, I leave him in the shed whimpering like a whooped pup.

Putting on my jacket and vest, I toss my crossbow over my shoulder and head out towards the group. B.J. is standing there with her hands on her belly, Beryl curled up in a chair with her doll.

"You okay?" Her blue eyes smile back at me, scanning over my body.

"I'm okay gurl, stop yer frettin." I put my arm over his shoulder, kissing her softly.

We walk out towards the group, Rick and Shane looking like they were about to jump out of their skin.

"Boy there's got a gang, 30 men. They have heavy artillery and they ain't lookin to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead and our women, they're gonna wish they were." Bobbi Jo's hand rubs my back as I talk to the group, her presence beside me soothing.

Carol looks at my wife, then back to my cracked and bleeding knuckles. "What did you do?"

I look down at my hand, glancing back at her. "Had a little chat."

Bobbi Jo eyes Carol as Carol turns away from me, her face showing her obvious disgust in what I had done.

"You did what had to be done." B.J. whispers in my ear as she walks towards Carol.

Rick tells everyone to stay away from Randall, that the boy is a threat and they had to eliminate the threat. Dale gets up on his moral high horse, questioning Rick's choice to kill Randall.

I start walking towards our camp when I see B.J. having a stern discussion with Carol. I walk over to them, picking Beryl up in my arms on the way.

"What Daryl does or doesn't do … not really your concern. You need to back off, I ain't gonna tell ya again. I know you two bonded over Sophia, I get he means somethin to you but at the end of the day … still my husband." Carol looks up at me with tears pooling in her eyes.

"I ain't tryin to take your husband B.J., just tryin to stop him from becoming something he ain't. He's better than this, he's not their henchmen." I see the worry on Carol's face as she walks past me, Bobbi Jo glaring back at her.

"She don't mean anythang by it B.J. I can handle Carol." I take her hand, Beryl resting her head on my shoulder.

My fiery redhead doesn't speak on the way back to our camp, her hand gripping mine hard. I lay Beryl down on the cot, watching B.J. go about making a fire. She always cleaned the house or mucked out the horse stables when she was pissed, this wasn't much different.

After the fire is blazing, I cut up some squirrels to roast. Bobbi Jo moves about the camp in perfect silence, so perfect it gives me the chills.

"Come here gurl, talk to me." I wrap my arms around her waist, placing my lips on the back of her neck.

"They're gonna kill that boy and maybe that's right … maybe it ain't but either way … I don't feel safe anymore." I hold her a little bit tighter, feeling my heart hammer against my chest.

My wife, the love of my life didn't feel safe, didn't feel like I could keep her safe. I spin her around, holding her face in my hands. "They won't touch you or Beryl, nobody will."

She nods to me, big tears falling from her face. I give her a quick kiss before releasing her, my anger from before returning.

Bobbi Jo goes to take a nap with Beryl as I finish up my new bolts, the sun feeling warm, but the breeze sending icy sparks across my flesh.

Dale walks towards me, that bulldog determination written all over his face. "Is Bobbi Jo here?"

"Yeah, she's restin with Beryl … you need somthin?" I go about setting the resin on the wood of my bolts. "The whole point of us comin up here i s to get away from you people."

"Gonna take more than that." Dale stands there looking like he's about to preach a sermon.

"Carol send you?" I was sick of everyone's meddling; it was starting to get on my last nerve.

Bobbi Jo comes out of the tent, zipping it back up. She smiles at Dale as he smiles back at her.

"Carol's not the only one that's concerned about you, your new role in the group. I see the concern on your wife's face as well." Dale keeps looking at B. J. then back to me as I do my best to ignore him.

"Oh man, I don't need my head shrunk. This group's broken, I'm better off fendin for my family. All I need, I got right here." Keeping my mind on the job before me, I keep a watchful eye on Bobbi Jo and hope she doesn't break down again.

Dale doesn't give up, the bulldog in him had a bone and he was gnawing it hard. "You act like you don't care."

"Yeah, it's cause I don't. That shit ain't my problem, Rick's got this." I grab my jacket and sling it on, Bobbi Jo stepping forward to take her jacket as well.

"So live or die, you don't care what happens to Randall? This conversation was over, but to get away from it I knew I was gonna have to start walking. I tilt my head towards the tent, telling B.J. to get Beryl.

"Nope." I slide on my vest, Daryl's eyes burning back at me.

He rambles on, my patience nearly gone. "Then why not stand with me. Try to save the kid's life, if it really doesn't matter one way or the other? Why don't you ask Bobbi Jo what she thinks?"

My gurls walk towards me, Beryl wrapped in a blanket on B.J.'s hip. I fix the collar of my shirt, ready to put some space between me and Dale's guilty conscious. "Never pegged you for a desperate son of a bitch."

Dale gives it a last ditch effort, trying to win me over. "Your opinion makes a difference."

Picking up my crossbow I say all I'm gonna say on the matter. "Man, ain't nobody lookin at me for nothing, but my wife and child, the group don't care."

"Carol is, I am. Right now and obviously you have Rick's ear." The mention of Carol sets Bobbi Jo off, her eyes narrowing and her jaw clenching.

I hate that look on her face, she had been through enough to last her a lifetime and I was gonna end this now. "Rick don't look to anybody but Shane. Let him.

As I walk off yet again Dale give it one more try, Bobbi Jo's once soft blue eyes now a dark sapphire. "You cared about what happen to Sophia, cared what it meant to the group. Torturing people? That isn't you. You're a decent man. So is Rick. Shane … he's different."

Bobbi Jo nods towards Dale, wanting me to hear him out. I turn back around to him, giving him a chance to plead his case. "Why's that, cause he killed Otis?"

From the look on Dale's face I knew I shook him up, he looked at me like he's seen a ghost. "He tell you that?"

"He told some story … how Otis covered him, saved his ass. He showed up with the dead guy's gun. Rick ain't stupid, if he didn't figure that out, it's cause he didn't wanna. It's like I said … group's broken. Just leave me and my gurls alone." I grab B.J.'s and storm off towards the farmhouse.

Bobbi Jo goes silent again, Beryl looking over at me with her thumb in her mouth. This world was cold, cruel and no place for dreamers. Whatever people thought was right and wrong before, didn't really apply now. All I knew is I had to keep this shit from touching my family and that included the crap from the group.

A/N: Thank you to all of you that followed or favorite this story. Big thank you to KaneCenaZombie12, I'm a Nerd and Proud, missy7293, SoFarFromPerfect90, Thornelia Hyde Pratt, 54hay, Mooka333 for the lovely reviews and thanks for any guest reviews I've received. The next chapter is going to be very dark and from Bobbi Jo's POV. Things are going to get crazier from here folks.


	21. The Reaper's Scythe

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 21: The Reaper's Scythe

Beryl wiggles from my arms to her father's, Daryl walking out towards the storage sheds. I let go of my baby girl, letting her father cradle her in his strong, protective arms.

There had been a darkness over me, a black emptiness inside me since Rick brought Randall to the farm. I wasn't sure if it was the fact that I was scared of what this stranger and his group might do to us, or the knowledge that between the walkers and these venomous snakes that call themselves humans, we will never know any real sense of peace again.

Daryl sits his crossbow between his legs as he rests on a tree stump. Beryl lies on his chest, half draped over his shoulder as she continues to enjoy her thumb.

"You need to clean those cuts on your knuckles before they get infected." I squat down, my round belly sticking out.

"Nah ... had worse." I take his hand, giving him my wifely glare.

"You will let me clean these and you ain't gonna give me any more lip." I try not to smile at him, but the look on his face makes it too hard not to.

He swats me on the ass as I turn to go to the farmhouse, hoping Maggie could spare some clean bandages and antiseptic.

I barely make it to the porch when I see Carol, a roll of bandages in her hand. She looks down at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact. "Those for Daryl?"

She stops, her fingers playing with the frayed ends of the cloth. "Yes, his hands look pretty bad. I wasn't sure if you had anything, thought I'd bring these to him."

Reaching out towards her, I place my hand on her arm. "Thank you ... for caring about him so much. You have to understand; everybody he's let into his life has either died, ran off or disappointed him. He ain't good at lettin people in Carol. Me and Beryl ... were his family and that's the way he likes it."

Her blue eyes look up at me, her sadness now mixed with concern. "I'm not blind Bobbi Jo, I see that broken man behind the mask. I know he's only whole when he's with you, but he can let other people in too. You both need people ... and the group needs you."

"Carol ... I'd like that ... to have a family again." I let one single tear roll down my face, my heart aching for the family I'd lost.

Out of the blue, she hugs me. "I'd like that, to be your family."

After the hug is over, I feel the darkness lift, but only slightly. The only real thing keeping me going was the family I already had.

Maggie greets me at the door, asking if I'm okay. I tell her I'm good, tell her about what's going on with the group. She walks into the back bathroom, coming out with a first aid kit. "If you or Daryl need anythang else ... just ask."

The Greene's had become my surrogate family, Hershel reminding me of my father and Maggie reminding me of Diane. I take the first aid kit and head back towards the storage sheds. Daryl looks more than a little pissed when I get back, Beryl now standing between his legs looking up at him.

"What do you think about all this Randall shit? Do you think Dale's right?" He takes the first aid kit, Beryl looking through the contents with him.

"Dale is a good man ... he only wants us to keep our humanity Daryl. I get what he's saying, but if Randall's group comes rollin in here we ain't none gonna care about killin the livin. It's kill or be killed. Randall is just a boy; Dale only wants to spare a human life." I take out he antibiotic ointment, rubbing it gently over his knuckles as I watch him wince.

"I won't have him put you or Beryl in harm's way ... Rick won't stand for that with his family either." The tone of his voice reminds me of darker days, when Daryl balled up all his hurt. I could see the storm brewing behind those sea blue eyes and I knew it was only a matter of time before the dam broke loose and hurricane Dixon was unleashed.

We let the matter rest there, not wanting to debate the morality of killing a human being that given the chance would probably kill all of us.

I talk him into going up the farmhouse, maybe letting Beryl play on the front porch. He sits on the steps with me between his legs, his chin resting on the top of my head. "You nervous?"

I tilt my head back, gazing into his beautiful eyes. "About what?"

"Havin a baby without a real doctor or a hospital." His hands rub my belly, his own nervousness showing through.

"Nah, I trust Hershel and besides ... maybe Hershel will let us stay in the house now that cooler weather is settin in. I think I got four or so months to worry about it." He kisses my forehead, his scruff scratching me.

With his large hand spread out across my ever growing belly, it hits me what he's really nervous about ... a baby in this walker infested world. A baby means crying and crying is like a siren going off. He was worried that our baby would be a walker magnet.

The abyss that had lifted from me earlier returned full force, this time slamming against my heart and leaving me with permanent scars.

I move to get up, Daryl helping me. When I turn around, I see this nearly angry look on his face. "Where's yer damn gun ... the one I told you to keep on ya all the time?"

"It's in your saddle bags, back at camp. I don't like havin it around Beryl." He grabs my hand, quickly jumping up.

"Go get it. You never know when yer gonna need it to protect Beryl. Yer smarter than this B.J. ... keep the safety on around her but have it on you. Damn gurl ... that's just common sense." I watch as the storm clouds behind his eyes now darken them, his words cutting new scars into my heart. Daryl scoops Beryl up, walking out towards the group camp as I make my way back out to our camp.

Daryl's rage and tenderness came at me from all sides now, I never knew which Daryl I was going to get or when. As I fight back my tears, I stomp out to his bike. He was right in a way, I did need the gun for protection and I knew how to use a gun properly. Perhaps his surly bite was warranted, perhaps I deserved it.

I start looking through the saddle bags, not finding the handgun. I knew without a doubt, I had placed it in here last night. My pulse quickens as I look the camp over, not finding the gun anywhere. My only thought is that I had dropped it when I was out at Adam's or on the farm here. My only hope is that it was back at Dale's RV in the gun bag.

Keeping this information to myself, I walk back out to the group camp and into the RV where I find the gun bag on the table. Rifling through it, I don't find my handgun but one like it, so I take it hoping to appease Daryl.

When I exit the RV, I see Daryl out by the barn and Beryl in Lori's arms. I walk as swiftly as I can to them, flashing the gun in the back of my jeans at him. He gives me a quick grin, nodding at me. Lori pushes Beryl's unruly curls out of her face, smiling back at me.

"You wanna go up to the house with me ... maybe get a bite to eat and check in on Beth?" I nod to her, my hand sliding over Daryl's shoulder.

My husband yells for me to wait up, jogging over to me. "Sorry about earlier ... but you need to keep that with you ... okay."

I don't answer him back, giving him a too brief kiss before leaving with Lori.

Lori places a hand on my belly, grinning wide. "I hear the second one is better than the first ... that the labor is shorter."

"Let's hope that's right ... I was in labor for twelve hours with Beryl." We both chuckle, Beryl laughing too.

We enjoy the rest of the day in the house, Beryl playing quietly by the big bay window. Hershel wanders over to me, his hands in his pockets.

"It's good to hear the sound of a child's laughter in my house again. Seeing Beth like that makes we wish she were a little girl again. We can't protect them all the time Bobbi Jo, we have to trust that the others around them, others that love them will take up the slack. Your Daryl, he is a good man, I see that. He's got a hot temper and a dark past, but that doesn't mean he's not a good father or husband. Remember that when the bad days come, remember you love each other." His words of wisdom send the darkness inside me creeping away, like a shadow withdrawing from the light.

"I will." I smile back at him, the feeling of pure love radiating all around me.

Looking out the window, I see the burnt orange glow of the setting sun. Rick and Lori are on the front porch and I know it's almost time to make a decision about Randall.

I leave Beryl with Hershel as I walk out to the barn to find Daryl. I wasn't sure what was about to happen, but I needed him to know he had my support.

He finds me first, his eyes smiling back at me. "It's time?"

"Yeah. You ready?" He shrugs his shoulders as he takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together.

We walk up to the house, everyone gathering inside. I kiss him on the cheek as I take Beryl out to the kitchen. Dale gives me a pleading look as I walk past him, as if he thinks me being there will matter.

Part of me felt sorry for Dale, even agreed with him. But the part of me that was a mother knew if we didn't deal with the possible threat that Randall caused we might live to regret it.

Leaning against the countertop, I hold Beryl close to me. Carl walks in, not too happy with his parents. "You know that's grown up stuff in there."

"They treat me like a baby … I'm not a baby." He stomps off down the hallway to one of the downstairs bedrooms.

I look at him as he storms off, dirt and thick mud covering his boots and pants. I find it a little unsettling that Lori let him wander Hershel's farm. If that were Beryl, I would know where she was every minute of the day. Things weren't like they were when I was a kid, when you could spend hours outside playing and your parents didn't have to worry about you being eaten alive.

The voices from the living room pick up, part of me wanting to go in. I walk back towards the dining room, sitting down at the table. Glenn speaks up first, wondering if they take a vote.

One after the other, people chime in. Rick asks them to see where everyone stands, so they can talk about the options.

I knew where Shane would stand on the matter and sure enough, he's all gun-ho on killing Randall. Dale's voice cracks with his disapproval of this option, reminding me of my father's belief that there is good in everyone.

Dale tries to rally more troops for his cause, asking Maggie what she thinks. The sweet farmer's daughter asks if they can't keep him as a prisoner.

Daryl speaks up, telling them that Randall would just be another mouth to feed. Daryl had been on the bitter end of people that wanted nothing more than to take advantage of you and keep you down. I got why he thought it was a good idea to just off Randall, it was him or us.

The voices go from even to raised, each new statement or question laced with frustration and exasperation.

After a few moments, Patricia asks about how they would kill him if they decide to do it. Shane tosses out hanging him; snapping his neck when Rick says shooting him would be more humane. It's when T-Dog asks about how to dispose of the body when Dale loses it.

I sit Beryl down, taking her hand in mine and walk around the parlor and up behind Daryl. He looks over at me, his arms over his chest. I hold tight to Beryl, placing one hand on Daryl's broad shoulder.

"You're talking like this is already decided." Dale grips his trademark hat in his hand, his eyes showing his perplexed state.

Daryl steps forward, swinging his hand like he does when he's had enough of things. "We've been talkin all day, goin around in circles. You just wanna go around in circles again?"

I stand in awe of Dale as he pleads his case, making rational point after rational point. He was right, how are we any better than the people we're afraid of if we can so callously kill a boy whose only crime was being with the wrong people.

A knot forms in the pit of my stomach and I have to fight back the urge to vomit. As much as I love Daryl and admire Rick, I could finally see that two wrongs don't make a right.

Carol finally speaks up, her heart burden with all the arguing; seeing these people she calls a family go at each other. She asks them to leave her out of it; she didn't want to be part of this decision.

Rick opens the floor up to anyone that may want to say something before they make their final decision. A few people that are standing sit, others look away or shrink into themselves.

I drag Beryl beside me; Daryl's piercing blue eyes staring at me. "Answer me this, if you Rick or even Daryl had been taken by Randall's people and they were having this very discussion right now … wouldn't you want a chance to speak up. I'm not saying to spare his life, for all we know he's as bad as those men that attacked y'all at the bar. All I'm sayin is, I'd like to think I can raise my children in a world where we don't see every stranger as someone we have to kill."

With that, I pick Beryl up and place her on my hip. Looking back at Daryl, I feel my chin tremble as I walk out.

As I stand on the porch, I hear nothing but silence inside. Beryl rests her small hand on my cheek, giving me that big beautiful smile that makes my heart melt. "Momma, can we swing?"

I walk over to the porch swing, sitting us down and wait for the others to come out.

I hear Dale's final words and I'm sure he's talking to Daryl. "This group is broken."

He walks out, tears in his eyes and I follow him down the steps. "Thank you for trying to make them see reason Bobbi Jo. I believe this is a turn for us, a turn that makes us monsters. Whatever you do, don't ever lose that goodness inside of you. You'll need it to raise your children right."

My arms go around him, hugging him tight. "I'm sorry Dale … I tried."

He kisses my cheek, tears still in his eyes. "I know you did."

I go back to the RV with him, Beryl walking between us. I sit there for a while talking to him, listening to his life story. By the time the sun sets, Daryl comes to the RV, Dale leaving to walk the farm.

"Got to go with Rick, you okay?" His eyes look at me as if he's waiting for me to crack like fine china.

"Yeah … I'm good." He hangs his head, kicking the dirt at his feet.

"Stay here." His words come out hard, but his eyes show his worry for me.

After he's gone, I rock Beryl to sleep. The group goes about making a fire, cooking dinner and acting like none of this matters.

All I could think of is Dale and how his heart is broken. While killing Randall will get rid of this uneasiness around camp, I could feel it was going to place a wedge between members of the group forever.

When I think the deed is done, I look up to see Rick walking back into camp with Carl. "We're gonna keep him in custody, for now."

Andrea looks up at Rick, saying she's going to go find Dale. I pick Beryl up, waking her up in the process. "Wait Andrea, I want to go with you."

Maggie looks over at me, taking Beryl. "I'll keep an eye on her, go on."

Andrea and I hadn't seen eye to eye since she shot Daryl, but on this we could agree on.

As we walk out towards the meadow, we hear someone scream and the obvious sound of a growling, grunting walker. "Dale!"

The two of us start running, but by the time we get there, Daryl has killed the walker and Dale is lying in the high grass with his guts hanging out.

I look at the gory scene, hot tears springing in my eyes. All I hear around me is mumbled words and grunts of pain.

Daryl shakes me, my body gone stiff. "Where's Beryl?!"

"At the house with Maggie … at the house." I answer him in a rush, my vision blurring with all my tears.

When Hershel gets there, he makes it clear to us that Dale isn't gonna make it. I raise my hand to my mouth, my entire body trembling.

I see Carl in the field and go over to tell him to go to the house when I notice he's looking at the walker as if he's seen it before. Then I look at the mud and muck on the dead corpse, the same mud and muck on Carl's clothes.

The fact that Carl had probably used my gun to taunt this walker, perhaps lead it to our camp was smacking me in the face. I look over at Dale as the fear and shock take hold of him and want nothing more than to throttle this little brat before me.

Turning my attention back to the others, I see Rick take out his gun and point it at Dale's head. I knew they had to end his suffering; they had to put an end to his nightmare.

Rick stands there, unable to pull the trigger when Daryl takes the gun from him. He gets down on one knee, putting the barrel against Dale's head. I walk over to my husband, letting him brace his back on my legs.

Dale lifts his head up to meet the barrel. Daryl stays calm, keeping the gun steady. "Sorry, brother."

The gunshot echoes through the field as the Grim Reapers Scythe claims the wrong man this night. We had all prepared for the Reaper to take Randall, but after Rick spared him the Reaper used the walker as his curved blade to claim another soul.


	22. Angels and Demons

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 22: Angels and Demons

Dale was dead; a walker had come into the camp and ripped him open. The sound of the bullet I put in his brain still echoed in my ear and I couldn't shake the look he gave me before I pulled the trigger.

B.J. had been quiet since it happened, she was distant and I was afraid I would lose her to the darkness that had claimed this farm.

After getting her and Beryl settled up at the farmhouse, I go help Rick and Shane dig a grave for Dale. His last words to me were, "This group is broken."

Little did he know it would be his death that would unite us again, pull us back together.

Rick walks over to me as I toss a shovel full of dirt over my shoulder, dawn nearly upon us. "There seems to be more walkers on the farm than usual. We need to go out, take care of any stray walkers that have wander out this way and check the fences. You and Shane take a party out in the morning. We need to make this place safe again."

I stick the shovel in the dirt, looking up at him. "You ain't the only one that's got a family to worry about. I get it Rick."

He nods to me as he places his hand on his gun, looking back out towards the camp. "Beryl and B.J. up at the house with Hershel?"

"Yeah, I think seeing Dale like that really shook her up." I take the shovel in hand again, Rick squatting down.

"I'll finish up … go on. I think she needs you more than we do." Rick reaches down, taking the shovel from me.

I gently knock on the front door, Maggie coming out. "She just went to sleep."

"Okay, I'll come back in the moring." I turn to go when Maggie reaches out, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"No, Beryl is asleep. Daryl, I'm worried about B.J. She ain't said a word since Daddy brought her in. He says she's in shock. I got her wrapped up in a blanket and she's in bed with Beryl but she ain't sleepin. She ain't even crying and that is what really worries me." She opens the front door, waving me in.

I walk down the hallway, into the back bedroom. Slowly opening the door, I see Bobbi Jo staring at the wall with Beryl curled up sleeping against her. Beryl's little hand rest on her cheek with her thumb barely resting in her mouth.

"Hey girl." I sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing my hand over her arm. She lifts her lost blue eyes at me, her body staying ridged.

"Hey." Her eyes stay on me, but the look as empty as I feel.

I take off my vest and jacket, slipping my boots off and lay down beside her. "You want to stay here or go back to our tent?"

All I get is the shrug of her shoulders as she pulls Beryl closer to her. I kiss the back of her neck, pulling her long red hair over her shoulder. My fingers gently slide up her arm, coming to rest at her breast.

She doesn't flinch, no reaction at all. "Bobbi Jo? You feelin okay?"

I watch as she nods her head, a sorrowful sigh slipping from her lips. I could have sworn I heard her heart crack inside her chest as I wrap my arms around her.

We lay in the silence of the farmhouse, only the chirping of the crickets to lull me to sleep.

When morning comes, I wake to an empty bed. My jacket, vest and boots are resting on a chair by the bed and a note from Bobbi Jo on the nightstand.

_Having a service for Dale. Going out to our camp later to get our stuff. Staying with Hershel now._

_BJ_

Those words were empty and cold, they read back like I was reading a grocery list.

I crumple the note up, tossing it across the room. I was losing my wife to this world when I had got her back from the grips of death. I wasn't sure what to do, but right now I need to hurt something and killing walkers seemed pretty fucking right.

I see her standing beside Carol as the others gather for the service. As Rick talks about Dale, I see her eyes go to the fresh grave and her hand go to her belly. I knew she was thinking that could be her and they could both be dead.

Standing there, I want so badly to walk over to her and take her hand. I leave her be, knowing my girl just needed some time and space.

Suddenly, I watch her studying Carl. Her eyes take in his every movement and every tear the boy cries. I wasn't sure why she was fascinated by Rick's son.

Then Bobbi Jo turns her face to Carol, her hand reaching over and taking hers. My wife was like that, putting her own sadness away to comfort others.

Rick talks on about coming together and proving that the group isn't broken. Those words hit me hard in the chest, knowing I spat them at Dale in anger.

With those final words, we all look at each other and start to scatter. I start walking towards B.J. only to have her turn her back and walk away.

Meeting up with Shane, we get Andrea and T-Dog and pile up in the truck. We head out towards the southern pastor, looking for walkers. I climb in the truck bed, T-Dog sitting beside me.

"Your girls okay?" He asks me with the same look I'd seen on everyone's face this morning.

"They will be." I clutch my crossbow as Shane pulls out on the dirt road.

My anger, my sorrow comes out with each walker I take down. We check the fences, fixing the breaks and kill the walkers that we find.

Shane has this look that reminds me of the boys I grew up with. I'd seen that look every time one of them got pissed off or got their asses kicked. They needed, wanted to hurt something, make them feel as bad as they felt. He was a stick of dynamite ready to blow and I was afraid he was going to take one of us out with him.

When we get back, Hershel and Rick are talking about moving everybody in the house for the winter, stocking the basement if we need to hide out in there. Rick wants me and T to take watch, but first we're going to take Randall out and cut him loose.

I knew Shane wasn't none too happy with Rick's choice, they had exchanged dirty looks since last night.

Turning to Maggie, I follow her up to the house. "B.J. make it back yet?"

"Yeah, she and Beryl took your stuff and got settled into the back bedroom you had last night. You okay with that?" She looks at me as if she knows things between me and my wife weren't exactly good.

"That's good … thanks." Looking up at the porch, I see Beryl running out, yelling for me as she makes her way down the steps.

"Daddy … Daddy!" I pick her up, swinging her around in my arms.

"You best get in the house and stay with yer Momma. Okay sweet pea?" I kiss her forehead, taking in a deep breath.

"Daddy … Momma is sad." Her big blue eyes tear up as her bottom lip juts out.

I hold her close, kissing her cheek. "I know baby gurl, Daddy will make it all better."

Bobbi Jo walks out, her round belly looking bigger. I smile at her, her face looking too pale. "Daryl … be careful."

I sit Beryl down, stroking her hair. "Always am beautiful."

Finally, I see a hint of a smile as I turn to go. I knew my Bobbi Jo was in there somewhere and I was going to find her again.

Going up to the shed, I grab some wood, nails and a hammer. I wanted to make Randall's temporary prison more secure. I wasn't trying to keep Randall in so much as keep other's from getting him out. Rick was right, Shane would put a bullet in his brain and not blink an eye.

With the holes patched up, I head back to the house to meet up with Rick when I find Bobbi Jo sitting on the porch with a glass of tea. "Where did ya get that?"

She hands it to me, that big smile I love on her face. "Can we talk?"

Those three words always scared the crap out of me. I take the tea, sitting down beside her. "Sure."

"My gun … I thought I lost it. This gun ain't mine, I took it from the gun bag. It was last night when I figured it out. I saw what looked like my gun tucked in the back of Carl's pants and that walker that killed Dale … it was covered in the same mud and muck that was all over Carl's pants." She takes a deep breath, fresh tears coming to her eyes.

"It's okay gurl … I'll get your gun back." I take her hand when she pulls away, her tears falling from her eyes.

"No Daryl … Carl led that walker here. He took my gun and I'm sure he was out lookin for a walker to kill but instead he led that fuckin thing to the farm. It was my gun … Dale died because I was stupid and left my gun in your saddle bags." She collapses into her hands, her shoulders shaking.

I kneel down in front of her, pulling her into my arms. "This ain't yer fault … you didn't kill Dale. Bobbi Jo … look at me. I'll get yer gun and talk to Carl, you need to see this ain't on you."

Kissing her lips softly, I wipe her tears with my thumb. She clings to me, her hands gripping my shoulders. "This is on me … I was so stupid."

I rise to my feet, pulling her up with me and picking her up in my arms. I carry her back in the house, walking her down the hallway and into our new bedroom. "You need to get some sleep. Just rest and I'll be back real soon. Dale won't want you to take this on your shoulders, he wasn't like that."

Bobbi Jo pulls me down on the bed with her, her lips crashing onto mine. We kiss like we haven't kissed in days, all passion and want.

I lean down towards her, letting my hands slide up her side and twist into her hair. "Daryl … I want you."

She pulls at my jacket, her fingers trying to remove my clothes. Pulling back from her, I see the dark sapphire of her eyes and my want for her makes me grow hard. "Bobbi Jo, I have to help Rick and you need to rest. Tonight … I promise."

She smiles at me sweetly, her hands sliding from my chest and down to my crotch. "I'll make you keep that promise Mr. Dixon."

Walking back out on the porch, Rick is waiting for me. He gives me this smile that makes me uncomfortable. "What?"

"You need to finish somethin?" He looks down at the porch, then back up to me.

I adjust my crotch really fast before I lean over the banister to look at the map he had.

We plan on where to take Randall and dump him off, Rick being extra careful this time.

We're talking about me doing what I did last night, me taking his gun so he wouldn't have to end Dale. I told him there weren't no point in him doing all the heavy lifting.

Me and Rick, we were alright and I knew he was on the outs with Shane. Sure enough, I look over my shoulder and the devil pulls up in his car.

I tell Rick I'm gonna take a piss and walk back in the house to check on B.J. My beautiful ginger is fast asleep with Beryl sitting in the bed beside her. "Daddy!"

Putting my finger to my lips, I shush my child and kiss my wife on her cheek. "Don't wake yer mom."

Lori opens the door, smiling back at me. "I'll watch them; go help Rick and Daryl … keep him safe."

"Sure thang." I kiss both of my girls before I go back out.

Rick looks at me like he's got something he needs to say. I see B.J.'s gun in his hand and I know he found out about Carl. "It's okay. I know. B.J. blames herself for Dale because Carl found her gun. We're good, she's good."

He hands the gun to me and I wave at him telling him no. Rick holds the gun, giving me that long, pondering look. "But it's B.J.'s.

"She's got a gun, give it to Carl and Rick … tell him to use it." He walks away with the gun and I go off to gather what we need to take with us for the trip.

I'm packing up the truck when T walks out, giving me Dales gun. "Only got so many arrows." I take the revolver, playing stupid about where my handgun was.

Grabbing my shit, Rick tells me he's ready to go and I climb in the truck. Looking out the window I see Maggie and yell at her to look in on Beryl and Bobbi Jo.

T-Dog comes running out towards the truck, saying Randall escaped. I look at Rick, both of us with the same what the fuck look.

With a gut full of anger and annoyance, I sling open the shed door. Rick and Andrea check the inside while I look around outside. No way in hell did that little som'bitch get out on his own.

Shane comes busting out of the woods, screaming Rick's name and giving up some bullshit about Randall being armed with his gun and how he jumped him. No way did a guy Randall's size jump a big Hoss of man Shane's size. It wasn't adding up and I wasn't buying what Shane was selling.

Rick tells T to take everybody back in the house and takes me, Glenn and Shane with him out to find Randall. I load a bolt in my crossbow as Carol tells me she'll wake Bobbi Jo and tell her what's going on.

My eyes immediately go to the ground, looking for any sign of where Randall might have gone. Rick asks me if I can track him and I tell him I don't see anything. Shane is as antsy as a rabid raccoon in a cage, telling me we don't need to track him.

The alarms start going off in my head, something ain't right here. Randall didn't come out this way and he sure as hell didn't jump Shane and about knock his fucking teeth in.

I look over at him, letting him know I ain't believin his cockamamie story. "The kid weighs a buck twenty five soaking wet. You tryin to tell me he got the jump on you?"

"I say a rock pretty much evens the odds, don't you?" More lies spill from his lips as I stare him down.

Rick tells us to knock it off, telling me and Glenn to head up the right flank.

The sun sets fast as me and Glenn make our way up around the back of the woods. I knew B.J. would be worried about me, maybe even try to come after me. My only hope that she'd stay in the house was for Beryl and the life of the baby she was carrying.

Part of me wondered if Rick knew Shane was lying and wanted to go off with him, get him alone. It made no sense to me why that stupid som'bitch would lie, unless he want to take over being leader.

I had looked for any sign of Randall, the moonlight my only source of light. I finally get fed up and tell Glenn to give me the flashlight. A cool fog was rolling in, making it harder to track. Being pissed was an understatement at this point. I was out here looking for someone that could be long gone when I should be back at the farm taking care of my girls.

I'm shining the flashlight on the forest floor when I find my first true hard evidence. "There's two sets of tracks right here. Shane must've followed him out a lot longer than he said."

The tracks lead up to a tree and I see fresh blood on it. Shining the tree, Glenn steps up behind me. I look down to find more tracks, like Shane and Randall are walking in tandem.

Glenn must of got a little spooked, cause he walks right into me. "Sorry."

I find some dirt and leaves strewn about, looking like they went at it. Then I find Randall's blindfold and knew there was trouble.

When we hear rustling in the trees we run for cover. I was pretty sure it was a walker as I hide behind the tree.

The walker walks out, ambling through the trees. I whistle at Glenn, tossing him the flashlight. The hot breath from my mouth mixes with the cold late autumn chill as I wait for the walker to get closer.

Glenn steps out from behind the tree with his hatchet and freezes up. The walker growls as the light from the flashlight illuminates it's face.

With my crossbow at the ready, I step forward as the walker pushes Glenn to the ground.

Me and this dead bastard go at it, me using my crossbow to push him off. Glenn tackles him, wrestling him to the ground. I watch as he buries the hatchet right in the middle of the walkers head.

Randall was a walker and a very dead one at that. I start to examine him, noticing his neck had been snapped. Rolling him over, I check for scratches or bites but don't find a single one.

Glenn and I talk, not sure how it's possible Randall turned with only a broken neck and no bites at all.

My wife gets bit on the shoulder, gets the fever and comes back from it. This poor unlucky asshole doesn't get bit and still turns. Maybe only Angels get to come back from this while the demons become just that … demons.


	23. Same Thing, New Day

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 23: Same Thing, New Day

A soft light from the evening sun was filtering over the meadow, bouncing off the auburn curls of my baby girl as she runs to her father's open arms.

Daryl's wide smile warms my heart as he scoops her up, holding her at arm's length and spins her around. She squeals with delight, begging him to do it again.

I look up from the blanket, the two of them giggling. The day was so perfect and I didn't want to leave. Beryl waves at me from Daryl's arms, whispering in his ear. He looks at her with the softest smile, and then they both smile back at me.

Daryl sets her down, her little legs moving in a blur towards me. Her little body crashes into mine, her hand resting on my face. I smile down at her, her big cheerful eyes now full of tears.

I reach down to pick her up when my hands go through her. I look up to find Daryl and he's gone, no trace at all. Reaching down, I don't feel my big round belly. "Daryl!"

I scream over and over, my tears rolling hot down my face. Looking around me, I see fire in every direction, the farm, my father's farm was burning and the walkers were ascending on me again.

"Bobbi Jo … honey, wake up." I open my eyes to see Carol standing over me, fresh tears on my face. Beth has Beryl in her arms, my baby girl yawning and reaching for me.

"Carol … what's going on?" I quickly wipe the tears from my face, climbing out of the bed.

She tells me that Randall has escaped and Rick, Shane, Daryl and Glenn have gone into the woods to look for him.

Rushing over to my backpack, I pull out my hunting knife. Carol rests her hand on my arm, her eyes giving me that pleading look. "Don't go out there looking for him. He'll be alright, he has the others."

After retrieving the handgun from the nightstand, I tuck it in the back of my pants and take Beryl from Beth. "Thanks for watching her, I got it now."

I make my way through the worried crowd of people huddled together in the living room, Lori with the same wide eyed look I have. "You okay?"

"For the hundredth time, our husbands are out there riskin life and limb to keep us safe. I'm not okay B.J. and I won't be till Rick is back." I take her trembling hand and sit on the couch beside her.

Beryl yawns again, nuzzling her face against my neck. "Sleepy."

"I know baby gurl … you go to sleep and Momma will hold you." Hershel bends down to take her, but after my dream I'm not comfortable with her being out of my reach.

I start to get worried when night falls and they aren't back yet. Shifting Beryl in my arms, I make my way over to the door and look out for the twentieth time. "They'll be back."

Carol walks up behind me, her words making me jump. "Easy for you to say, that ain't your husband out there."

When I turn to look at her, I see the hurt in her eyes. She had only wanted to give me comfort, but all I can think of is Daryl not coming back at all.

I turn my eyes from her and hope she understands why I'm being so moody. Carol had on a number of occasions reached out to Daryl, always trying to bring him back to the group. I wanted him to make this group his family, but not at the cost of losing him. She had to see I had been through hell and back to be with him and nothing was going to stand in my way.

This sense of foreboding, this déjà vu wouldn't leave me. I walk down the hallway with a sleeping Beryl on my hip and grab my backpack. I watched my father's farm go up in flames, watched as a herd of walkers tore down what he had built. The feeling from that night was hitting me hard and I couldn't shake it.

When I round the corner to the living room I see Daryl standing there with Glenn. He has this look that tells me something ain't right. I run to him, his one arm wrapping around my waist as his lips kiss the top of Beryl's curly head.

He tells the group about finding Randall's body and that he was a walker. That he wasn't bit, but his neck was broken. I listen as he tells the group that Shane's tracks were right upon Randall's and as I look into his eyes I see it, the fact that he knew what I felt. Shane was playing them all.

Lori comes up to Daryl, asking for him to go back out and look for Shane and Rick. He looks at me and I nod to him, knowing arguing with him was pointless.

I sit down in one of the armchairs, trying not to cry. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry to ask him to go back out there, but he's the only one that can find them."

"It's okay for Daryl to go back out there, but God forbid if Rick were here and I asked him to go look for Daryl. You know what … you are a two faced bitch." I bite my bottom lip as I wrap both of my arms around Beryl and make my way over to the big bay window.

I peek out through the slats over the window, seeing Andrea, Glenn and Daryl standing on the porch. I make my way to the door, everyone following after me.

"Daryl?" He looks at me, seeing the backpack over my shoulders and nods.

"Be ready." That's all he says to me when Hershel pushes past me. A herd bigger than the one that took my father's farm was marching towards us. A tidal wave of walking dead corpses was now ascending like a raging sea over the meadow.

My mouth goes dry and all I can do is pray we make it out alive, again.

Patricia turns out the house lights, Daryl looking at me then back to the meadow.

Suddenly Lori comes out on the porch saying Carl is gone. I hold Beryl a little tighter, feeling the baby inside of me kicking. Even the small child not yet born felt the state of panic resting over all of us.

Maggie starts handing out guns from the gun bag, Hershel making a plan to take out as many walkers as possible. They want to use the cars to lead the walkers from the farm, but in my gut I knew we'd be running, we always run.

Daryl gives me a too brief kiss before he jumps over the porch railing, ready to take on the world.

I wake Beryl, Maggie staring at me. "You might wanna get yer crossbow."

Nodding to her, I rush back in the house and grab my crossbow. The added weight of it makes it hard to move, so I decide to have Beth tie Beryl to me. I needed my hands free just in case the walkers got close. She takes some rope and towels and makes a makeshift papoose.

Standing on the porch, I see Daryl's motorcycle race across the meadow with Jimmy in Dale's RV, Glenn and Maggie in the hatchback and T-Dog and Andrea in Hershel's old truck right behind. Now the barn was on fire, the images reflecting the night I should have died.

They fire at the walkers, weaving around and around the cold autumn night with the sound of the hungry walkers growling loudly.

I knew I had 10 bullets in my handgun and an extra clip in the backpack, the four bolts in my crossbow weren't gonna help with the herd this size. Beryl doesn't make a sound as I toss the crossbow over my shoulder and take the handgun from my waistband.

"It's gonna be alright baby gurl." I kiss the top of her head as I walk down the steps and stand beside Hershel.

"Take my SUV and get her out of here. You need to keep her and that baby safe." I don't look back at him, my eyes fixed to my husband out near the fence.

It was obvious to me and Hershel, his farm was lost. It was only a matter of time now before we have to choose to let the dead have it.

Hershel and I start firing, Beryl capping her hands over her ears and twisting her eyes shut. I back up towards the house, looking for the SUV or Daryl.

Carol screams for me and Hershel to come on, the walkers advancing from all sides.

I look to see the others making a run from the house as I make my way around the porch and towards the SUV. T-Dog pulls up and Lori with Beth hops in as Andrea runs out.

I see the key in the ignition of the SUV, but I can't leave without Daryl. Panic starts to take hold of me as I look up to see my husband at the dirt road. He's yelling my name, yelling for me and Beryl.

Reaching around to the side pocket of the backpack, I take out the extra clip and take a deep breath.

Shooting as I run, I have to dodge walker after walker, killing the ones that get too close.

I finally make it to the bike, Daryl's blue eyes full of worry and stress. "Get the fuck on."

Swinging my leg over, I climb on the back seeing Rick, Carl and Hershel grab Carol and get in the SUV.

Daryl hits about 60 as we head down the dirt road, dead rambling corpses on each side of us. My legs squeeze tight to the bike as one hand holds on to Daryl and the other to Beryl.

I had lost another home, another farm, but this time I was with my family and that meant more than anything.

With the night all around us, I wasn't sure where we were going. I lean forward just a bit and yell in Daryl's ear. "Where we goin?"

"Back to the highway, back where we started." He looks over his shoulder for a moment, his eyes glancing down at Beryl.

Emptiness fills me, but not the darkness from before. No, this was a coldness that was creeping towards my heart and I was fighting to keep it at bay.

A fog rolls over the road, the cool crispness of autumn settling all around us. The coolness of fall would soon give way to the bitterness of winter and I was afraid. We had nothing, no home, no food, no clothes and not sure if the family we came to love were all alive.

Once we're clear of the walkers and near the main highway, Daryl slows down. "You okay?"

"I'm good. The baby is good." I squeeze his side, letting him know I love him.

The morning sun climbs over the hills, shining bright over a new day. The closer we get to the highway, the more Daryl relaxes.

"Sweet Pea … she's okay?" I look down to see Beryl asleep, tied to my chest with her thumb hanging on her lips.

"Daryl … look … a car." I point out over his shoulder and sure enough when we pull up beside the car, its Glenn and Maggie inside. Daryl tells him where we're going, Glenn grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

We finally see the pavement of the highway, Daryl weaving through cars. I keep my eyes on the lookout for any stray walkers. We pick up T-Dog, Lori and Beth along the way, my spirits picking up.

"Well, I'll be…" Daryl looks over his shoulder at me, nodding up ahead. Standing before us is Rick, Carl, Hershel and Carol.

He drives the bike up to the SUV, with two more vehicles behind us. A single tear rolls down my face, some of us had made it, we had made it to live another day.

Rick walks over and Daryl claps his hand. I jump off, Rick smiling down at Beryl. My hands instantly go to Daryl's face, my lips to his. "I thought for sure I was a goner."

"Nah … yer a Dixon, we don't die that easy." He pulls me down for another kiss, Beryl stirring awake.

I watch as Maggie and Beth run to Hershel, Lori to Rick and Carl, my heart feeling a little empty as I look at Carol.

We assess the damage, figure out who made it and who didn't. No one can remember seeing Andrea, remember if a walker got her or not. Daryl looks at me, walking back towards his bike. "I'm gonna go back."

I open my mouth to tell him no when Rick speaks up. "No."

"We can't just leave her." Daryl sits astride his bike, his heart in the right place.

Rick looks at me, my eyes wide and my trembling hand on my mouth. Lori holds to Carl as she stares at me. "We don't even know if she's there."

"She isn't there, she isn't. She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her." Rick has this look of absolute on his face, as if he's tired of bantering.

They talk about traveling east, staying off the main roads. Daryl spots a walker stammering towards us, takes his crossbow from the back of his bike, but I beat him to it. I swing my crossbow around and take out the walker before he even lifts his to his face.

"We need to go, before more sons of bitches like this show up." I pull the bolt from the walker's eye, Daryl giving me a very impressed smirk.

Leaving the old blue truck behind, they climb into the SUV and hatchback as I rest my ass back on my husband's bike. "That was pretty fuckin badass."

"Well, I did learn from one badass redneck." I adjust Beryl in her pouch, her little legs feeling cold.

I was tired, hungry and ready to get off this godforsaken bike. The inside of my thighs ached, right along with my ass. Beryl was becoming cranky, her hands trying to pull herself out of the papoose.

Taking one of the smaller county roads, Daryl pulls up ahead to take the lead. I knew he knew the Georgia back roads like nobody else.

A horn honks behind us, everyone pulling over to the side. "What's going on?"

"Don't know." I jump off the bike, walking back towards the cars while Daryl stays put and waits for Rick.

Rick tells us he's running on fumes. I knew it would come to this; we'd have to make camp here in the woods for the night.

Everyone was cold and tired and most of all, scared shitless. I need to find something to eat for Beryl, we need to get a fired started.

"I'm gonna go help get fire wood. I can get us a good fire started, dig a fire pit." Daryl takes my crossbow and gun, checking the clip.

I start unwinding the ropes from around my waist and chest, releasing Beryl from her confinements as Rick goes on about all of us staying together, going out in the morning to find gas.

Beryl stretches her arms, reaching for her father. "Daddy … get me."

Daryl reaches across me, taking his daughter and handing me his crossbow. She sits on his arm as he leans against the guardrail.

I take the bolts from my crossbow and place them into Daryl's, my bow only a burden to me. Rick goes on about finding a place to fortify, a place to call home. I had never seen him look so determined, so near the edge.

As I slide my bow on the back of Daryl's bike, I place his on the leather seat of the motorcycle. Beryl starts shivering as a cool breeze blows past us. Daryl opens his vest, tucking her inside and close to his chest. I watch as he kisses her temple, his hand rubbing the exposed skin of her legs.

Rummaging through the saddle bags, I find one of Beryl's blankets. The material frayed at the edges, a large hole on one end. I walk towards Daryl, taking her and wrapping her up the best I can.

Rick wants to make camp tonight near some ruins, half walls and crumbled stones nestled in between the trees. Carol walks over to Daryl; ask if he's okay with this.

I place my hand on her shoulder, turning her around. "Don't … just don't."

Walking over to Daryl, he wraps an arm around me and Beryl. He takes the crossbow as I hand it to him, his keen tracker's eyes looking over the area.

"Did you tell Rick about Randall?" Daryl shakes his head, turning to face Rick.

"You know I found Randall. He had turn, but he wasn't bit." I can see from the look on Rick's face, he knew more than he was telling.

Beth and Lori ask how that is possible and what is going on, but the truth was still concealed in Rick's head. Only Adam and Hershel knew my secret, we never told anyone that I was bit and I didn't die or turn. I liked it that way, I liked it that people didn't look at me like a freak.

Daryl speaks up, saying what I already knew to be true. "Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted to."

"And then the herd got him?" Lori asks of her husband, her concern for Shane somewhat dumbfounding me. Dale had told me everything about Shane and Lori and for her to seem this distressed over him made me think she didn't love her husband as much as she professed.

Everything gets quiet, only the rustling of the wind through the trees. I feel the coldness settle in my bones, Rick looking as empty as I fell.

Rick finally speaks, but it's not what I thought he would say. "We're all infected."

I hold back a gasp, clutching my daughter closer to me. We're all infected, all but me.

"What?" Daryl walks away from me and towards Rick.

"At the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it." Rick looks around at all of us, Daryl pacing up and down the road.

Carol asks why Rick never told us, never said anything. He points out that it wouldn't have made a difference.

Then the real shit hits the fan, Glenn getting upset cause Rick kept this secret from them. Rick tells him, he thought it best they didn't know.

I hand Beryl to Carol, tears perched in my eyes. Daryl looks over at me, shaking his head. I take off my jacket, pushing my shirt over the bite mark on my shoulder.

"No, yer wrong Rick … we're not all infected. I don't know what that doctor at the CDC told you, but we're not all infected. I got bit back on my farm, got the fever and I should have died and turn ,but here I am. Here … this is where the walker got me. I wear this scar ever damn day as a reminded that there is still hope." Every eye turns to me, Hershel looks back at Daryl.

I pull my shirt back over my shoulder, pushing my jacket back up. "What the fuck?" I hear someone say behind me.

Rick just stares at me, his eyes burning at me like two hot pokers. I reach back to take my daughter, Carol looking at me as if I'm not human.

"Why did you do that … why?" Daryl grips the top of my arm, squeezing tight.

"Cause … they don't have any hope. Rick just scared the shit out of these people and I needed to give them something to go on for. Hershel may be about to find a cure." Daryl lets go of my arm, rubbing his hand over his face.

"You ain't nobodies fuckin guinea pig." I sit back on the bike, letting him walk off his anger.

People start going off to find firewood, look for any wild berries to eat. Daryl walks out behind me, taking my hand. "You need to keep your crossbow."

"You need to keep your cool. This will be okay." I find a few blackberries and acorns, Daryl bagging a couple of squirrels.

After the fire is made, I do my best to make a meal out of what he had. I had managed to bring some granola bars in my backpack, Beryl chomping on one.

Carol looks over at me, asking if she can join me and Daryl. I pat the spot beside me, hoping to get on a better footing with her.

She leans over towards Daryl, whispering. "We're not safe with him. Keeping something like that from us. Why do you need him? He's just gonna pull you down."

"No, Rick's done alright by me and mine." Daryl adds more wood to the fire as she lets into him again.

"You're his henchmen and I'm a burden and your wife with her immunity … she's fodder. You deserve better." I look over at Daryl, his eyes narrowed and fixed on Carol.

"What do you want?" Her eyes don't look back at me, fixed on my husband as she moves closer to him.

"A man of honor." Carol was fishing and I was about to pull her hook out of my husband.

"Rick has honor." He tosses another limb on the fire, nodding for me to come sit on the other side of him.

When he leaves to get more wood, I scoot up to the fire to warm Beryl as I let my discord with Carol out.

"Stop. He don't owe you a damn thing. You ain't his keeper, you ain't his wife. Rick is a good man, he's got us this far. I kept a secret too, you don't see Rick over here up in my face about it. The next time you get the urge to say something like that to my husband … don't." Carol looks across the fire to Hershel and his girls, not sure what to say.

We hear this rustling in the woods and people start freaking out. Maggie and Carol want to leave until Rick comes around the corner and goes off like an atomic bomb.

After he's done with his rant, telling us how he killed Shane for us, how his hands are clean. He looks at all of us, telling us if we want to go, go. He tells them to leave; maybe they can do better without him. Daryl looks at me and I'm staring at Carol.

"No takers, fine. But let's get one thing straight. You're staying, this isn't a democracy anymore." Rick turns and leaves, everyone feeling the heat of his eyes still on them.

A new day was on the horizon, a new day that Rick was going to lead us into.


	24. Soldiering On

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 24: Soldiering On

The bitter autumn rain was coming down hard. I had made Bobbi Jo ride in the SUV with the others, the cramped vehicle full to the brim. Glenn was still driving the green hatchback with the Greene family on board, the two vehicles and my bike our only means of transportation.

It had been a week since we lost the farm and we still hadn't found any place to stay for more than a night. We tried a farmhouse nearby that Hershel knew was abandoned only to have to run in the middle of the night after a small herd came by.

Rick was calling the shots now and we soldiered on behind him. Where he said, we followed, what he said goes. Carol was still trying to get me to see her side of things, trying to get me to take over, but I wasn't havin any of it. B.J. was right, we'd done okay with Rick so far, why doubt him now.

Another cool night was nearing and last night got pretty damn cold. I wasn't sure how much longer any of us could last if we didn't find a place to hold up soon and get some proper food.

I'm keeping my eyes peeled for this feed silo that Hershel told us about, said it was one of the biggest ones in the county. There was supposed to be four large metal silos with a large black barn nearby that we could hopefully stay in for the night. I was thinking, we could maybe use the corn there for grits or make some sort of food.

Suddenly, the red and white SUV pulls ahead of me and stops by the side of the road. Rick saunters over, keeping his hand on his python.

"B.J. said there might be a Forestry post near here, a lookout. If she's right, we can hold up in there for now. We'll be high enough up so the walkers can't get to us, but being that high up means it will be colder. What do you think?" He cocks his head sideways, his blue eyes looking lost.

"Yeah, there's a fire lookout not far from here, but we aren't getting there tonight. It's not big on the inside, but it will do." I remember that lookout from the time that drugged up biker was looking to kick Merle's ass and B.J. got caught in the middle.

Rick runs his hand over his face, letting his palm rest on his cheek. "We'll have to sleep in the cars again; you can sleep in the back of the SUV with your gurls."

I nod at him, not liking the idea of being out in the open. Rick walks back to his truck, telling everyone the plan.

With the sun going down, we park just inside the tree line. I put my bike between the two cars and climb in the back of the SUV. Beryl is shivering in her mother's arms as I take out my poncho and wrap us up.

"She needs warmer clothes Daryl." B.J. looks at me as her teeth chatter together.

"I know I'll get her some." I wasn't sure when that was going to happen, but it had to happen.

T-Dog takes first watch, sitting on the hood of the SUV. I look up at him, his smile shining back at me. "You takin watch soon?"

I kiss Bobbi Jo on the forehead, pushing her ginger hair from her face. "Yeah, in a bit."

"Get some sleep first … please. You haven't slept much in the last few nights." She places her arm over my waist, kissing me back.

T wakes me for my watch; he's chin trembling and his body shaking. I slide out of the back, letting him slide in. "Don't get any ideas with my gurl." I smile at him as he grins back.

It was cold, too damn cold and I knew I would freeze my balls off without my poncho, but my baby girl needed it more than I did. I pull my leather vest a little tighter, remembering my Bobbi Jo made me this and with her own two hands.

I'm smiling like a damn fool when Glenn walks over to me, a lighter in his hand. "Why don't we build a small fire, I'll stay up with you."

"You know what … you're okay kid." I bump his shoulder with my elbow as we gather a few twigs.

We sit there for a bit, Glenn talking from time to time. He looks over at me with his hands over the flames as he gets this big grin on his face. "Till Bobbi Jo showed up, I'd never take you for a family man. So, tell me Daryl … what's it like, you know, wife, kid and one on the way?"

"How about you mind yer own damn business and help me keep watch." I liked Glenn, he was one crafty som'bitch and handy when your ass was in a pickle.

Glenn lowers his eyes to the flames, not looking back at me. "I'm going back to check on Maggie. You good?"

"Yup." I lean against my bike with my finger resting on the trigger of my crossbow.

As the sun makes its morning appearance, Rick wakes and waves for me to come to him. "We need to get to that fire tower, how far?"

"Not far … maybe an hour." I smile at Beryl as she blows me kisses from behind the glass. I wave at her, winking at my too beautiful wife. Something had to give, we had to have some good luck and soon.

I drive towards the mountain road, the one that curves and winds up towards the lookout and possibly towards walkers.

We pass a few walkers, nothing to worry about, but I could see Bobbi Jo's worried expression. One walker gets too close and I kick him as I drive by, Rick weaves around him and I hear the crunch of bones as Glenn runs over him.

I can see the lookout as we climb higher; this new elevation making the wind cut through my skin. When we finally make it there I see the metal stilts holding up the wooden structure and it looked like it did so long ago. The two flights of long stairs rounded up towards the sky as did the ladder that was attached to the back.

A white Forestry truck was parked nearby, with a storage shed just feet from the landing. I park my bike near the ladder, Rick and Glenn pulling up to the metal stairs.

"Will it hold?" Rick looks up, his hand over his eyes.

"Yeah, it's sturdy. Maybe if a herd, a big one was pushing on it, it might give. I'm gonna check out that shed." Turning to go, B.J. takes my hand.

"How are all thirteen of us gonna fit in there. It's only meant to hold four or five, Daryl." I take her hand, squeezing it tight. She gazes back at the lookout, her eyes showing her stress.

"It will work. We'll have to move shit around, sleep on the floor." As I move in to kiss her we hear growling from behind the shed.

Damn, I knew it was too good to be true. These fucking things were everywhere, we were never going to find one moment that we weren't running or fighting.

I pull out my knife and dispose of the walker quickly, only to find it has friends. B.J. takes my crossbow from me and takes down one as I finish the other.

Rick and Glenn come running up, their weapons at the ready. "We got it." Bobbi Jo waves at them when a walker walks out of the woods, coming right at her. She screams as she turns, my knife sailing through the air and barely missing her ear.

Bobbi Jo reaches up, touching the tip of her ear and pulling back a bloody finger. I move to check on her when two more walkers stumble around the shed. Rick waves for Glenn to go around the truck as I pull B.J. back towards the lookout.

"You okay?" I look her over, seeing that my knife had grazed her ear. She holds her ear, nodding at me.

"Go help'em … they're may be more." Her soft blue eyes make my heart sink as I run back to retrieve my knife, taking the walker down that had Glenn pinned to the ground.

T, Maggie and Hershel come running around the back, Maggie's fear showing on her face. "Glenn!"

Rick turns to them, telling them to get up the stairs. I place my knife back in the sheath, taking up my crossbow. Rick and I make our way slowly into the thick brush, the evergreens like a wall around the shed.

I look to see the walker tracks on the ground, some of them leading away from the lookout. We follow the shuffling tracks till we come to a cliff, two walkers standing on the edge. Rick grins at me, a look I hadn't seen on his face in some time.

"What are you up to Grimes?" I watch as he picks up a big rock and hoist it over his head.

The rock goes sailing in the air, hitting the male walker square in the back and sending it falling over the cliff. The female walker with half her face missing turns to us, I sacrifice a bolt to send her over the edge with her buddy.

"We need to set up perimeter alarms, take watch on the catwalk and see what's in that shed." Rick is scouting out the area on our walk back, my mind way ahead of him.

When we get back Glenn has broken into the shed, his smile covering his face. "Look … food."

Bobbi Jo has Beryl on her hip, her round belly straining against her now too tight shirt.

"We hit the damn jackpot … these are M.R.E's." The ladies go through the boxes, Lori and B.J. opening one and giving it to Carl and Beryl.

Glenn and T-Dog start carrying the six M.R.E. boxes up to our new home. Rick finds some tarps, propane tanks, blankets, fire gear and a few large bottles of water in the back of the shed, his eyes looking at something in the back corner.

Making my way past him, I pull the metal box out to find a toolbox and some fishing tackle.

"There's a lake not far from here, might do some fishing tomorrow." I pick up the toolbox, passing it to Rick as he hangs his head.

"How long, how long can we hold out here Daryl?" I look at the few items we managed to find, without making a run for more supplies we won't last but a month or so.

"If we ration the food and water, we got a month tops." Rick depended on me to not sugar coat shit and I knew he would do the same for me.

We make our way up the metal stairs, Hershel waiting at the top with his shotgun in his arms. "There's a first aid kit in there, a small wood stove and two small beds. It's gonna be cramped, but it's better than nothing."

Rick rests his hand on Hershel's shoulder, the two of them saying everything without saying nothing.

I walk in to see something brown all over Beryl's face. "What ya eatin baby gurl?"

She holds up the pouch of food, the word beef stew on the outside. "It's good Daddy, I is so hungry."

I take the red rag from my back pocket, wiping her face off. B.J. holds back from crying, we both knew how hungry Beryl had been. At night we could hear her tiny belly growl and her whimpers in her sleep. Whenever we'd find food, B.J. would always give Beryl her half.

I pick up another pouch of food, opening it and hand it to my wife. "You need to eat. Our other baby is hungry too."

She takes it, her fingers dipping inside the pouch before I could get her a spoon. Looking around, everyone was quiet as they consumed the contents of the M.R.E. in their hands.

Maggie and Beth start moving things around, putting the two beds up by the stove for Lori and Bobbi Jo. Hershel insisted that they have them; pregnant women shouldn't sleep on the floor.

Bobbi Jo takes a blanket, making a pallet for us next to the back wall. Every wall in the lookout contained a window, a door in the front and a trap door in the floor that led to a ladder. A small wood stove, a table with two chairs, a desk with a couple of walkies in a drawer, a storage cabinet and a mini fridge were all that this lookout contained and with the winter right at our doorstep, it was like a mansion to us.

I look at B.J. as she takes out my poncho, laying it over Beryl. "I'm not sleepin without you, never again."

Pulling her in my arms, I kiss her soft lips. She nuzzles her face in my neck, kissing the skin there. "First chance we get, I got a promise to keep."

A faint pink blush covers her cheeks, her hands resting on my face as she pulls me down into another kiss. "You bet yer sweet ass you do."

As night settles in, we find a propane lantern and use one of the small bottles of propane to light it. Rick takes first watch; he and Lori had been colder than the temps outside to each other. I look out over the valley below, seeing a fire from my vantage point.

"Rick … what do ya think that is?" Rick leans forward, squinting his eyes.

"Whatever it is … it ain't our problem." Rick goes back to pacing the catwalk and I go back inside to my wife. Wrapping myself up in her arms, I leave Rick to his thoughts.


	25. Winter Chill

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 25: Winter Chill

The lookout was starting to get smaller; the walls seem to move towards me as the days go by. It had been a little over two months since we made this wooden structure in the sky our new home and winter had descended upon us with a vengeance.

I can only guess it's late December or early January, the pine trees looked like something from a Christmas card with the fresh blanket of snow. Standing on the catwalk, I'm staring out on the lake below as Rick and Daryl make a water run.

My very large belly had become cumbersome, Daryl wanting me to stay inside and not risk traveling the slippery metal stairs. I was on the edge of cabin fever and these brief visits outside weren't ebbing that need to stretch my legs.

T-Dog walks around from the back, his hand going to my belly. "The baby been kicking much today?"

"Some, but not much. I think it knows when I'm tryin to sleep, that's when the kicking really starts." I move his hand to the bottom of my belly, letting him feel the foot pressing there.

I hear someone clear their throat, turning to see Lori. "I'm going to the shed to get Maggie and Glenn, you need anything?"

The storage shed had become the romantic alone time spot, Daryl and I had visited there a few times after Glenn cleaned it out. It had been weeks since Daryl had been with me, when he kisses me it's so soft and gentle I think he's afraid I might go in labor from that slight amount of bliss.

One thing was for certain, I was ready to have this baby. This pregnancy is nothing like my first; Beryl was a breeze and this one, a labor of love.

Turning back to Lori from my random thoughts, I smile at her and rub the tiny belly that was now showing on her. "I'm good. Lori … can you see if there is any more canned fruit? I've been craving it all day."

"Sure thing, you've not been eating enough as it is." She makes her way down the icy steps, T-Dog helping her down.

Carol is cutting up some deer steaks when I walk back in, Carl and Beryl helping her. She and I had an understanding; we're even cordial to each other. I suppose with these tight quarters, it's best to get along than to not.

Rick comes back in, his bearded cheeks and nose a rosy red. "Where's Lori?"

"Getting supplies from the shed with T … you need her?" I turn to boil the bucket of water he had brought in when I hear someone scream.

Rick and Hershel bolt out of the lookout, Carol pulling Carl and Beryl back inside. I stand at the back catwalk, seeing the men run towards the shed. Daryl looks up at me, waving for me to back up. I shake my head, sick of being treated like a china doll.

Beth walks towards me, her gloved fingers handing me a blanket. "You'll get sick out here; it's too cold not to have a coat or jacket."

"Thanks sweetie … uh, what's going on?" Beth looks over the railing, her blonde head ducking down low.

She shouts back up to me, her small voice barely making it to my ears. "Looks like a wild animal got into the shed. Daryl has it … yup … he killed it. Looks like a raccoon, nope a possum. Maggie and Glenn are in the truck … uh oh … Daddy is opening the door and helping Maggie out. Wait … there's a family of possum's."

She starts giggling as she rises back up. I start laughing with her, wishing I could see the obvious comical events below.

Daryl yells up at me, one eye squinting. "Hey B.J. … do you remember how to make the possum roast yer maw use to make?"

I walk closer to the railing, holding on tight. "Sure do, you got any of that beer left?"

Rick walks into the shed, walking out with a six pack. "I can't believe I'm about to sacrifice good beer for a possum dinner."

This moment of joviality was far and few between and much needed. Up till now, we'd had to fight walkers, a few marauders that came too close and one very hungry bear.

Things hadn't been easy, Glenn and Daryl had been on a few runs but supplies always seem to run low real fast.

I go back inside, Carol putting the deer steaks in the frying pan. "Looks like we're having a feast tonight."

"You could say that, if you like roasted possum." She and I grin as the kids watch the steak sizzles in the pan.

After Daryl cleans our dinner, he brings it up and I go about making it eatable. I pour a few beers in the pot with it, letting the meat soak for a while.

Everyone enjoys the deer steaks and canned beans while they wait for the roast to get done. I devour the can of fruit cocktail Lori had brought up for me, my stomach turning at the smell of the fried meat.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" Glenn reaches a plate towards me as I recoil away.

"I'm good." I shove another spoon full of fruit in my mouth, Daryl watching me intently.

When the roast is done, I pull it out of the oven. It smelled like the ones my mom had made, the beer taking away the wild game taste of the meat.

Daryl digs in, popping a finger full into his mouth. He holds a bite of the meat out for me and I open my mouth as he pushes it over my lips. The grease from his fingers feels good against my parched lips, the taste of the meat not too bad.

"I'm gonna on a run with Glenn tomorrow. We're too low on canned food and I'm gonna get some thangs for the baby. Hershel said it's only a matter of weeks now." He chews on the chunk of meat in his mouth, licking his fingers.

"I think we got a while Daryl, the baby is still too active to be comin soon." He smiles at me, Beryl wiping the grease from her fingers on Daryl's shirt.

The night comes and brings with it a fresh snow. I can see the flakes wisp about in the wind, the lookout wasn't holding heat tonight, even with the wood stove pipes glowing red.

I curl into Daryl tight, Beryl wrapped around me. Her little head rests on my big bump as her legs are hanging over Daryl. I feel my man's big strong arms around me, his lips occasionally brushing a kiss on my neck.

My dreams are of warm days back at the farm, laying in the meadow with Daryl as he tenderly makes love to me on my favorite blanket. His hands and lips worship my body, his hips rocking with a rhythm that sends waves of bliss washing over me. My hands roll over his tight muscles, over his tan skin and I want to let my fingertips feel every inch of him. As my body climbs higher, I feel his need for me burn through him, his hips moving in a wanton speed. I grip is broad shoulders, tilting my head back as my body finds the joy that only my husband can give me.

When I wake, I can feel the goosebumps over my skin as Daryl's fingers slowly travel up and down my arm. "Mornin beautiful."

Before I can turn around to answer him, Beryl is wedging in between us and kissing her father's cheek. "Mornin Daddy."

He picks her up, kissing her small face over and over. She giggles as she tosses her head back and forth, my back aching as I rise from the floor.

We go about our morning chores, Daryl and Glenn packing for the run. He walks over to me with his backpack over his shoulder. "We're going close, I'll be back by nightfall."

With those words, he pulls me in his arms and gives me a kiss that I feel all the way to my toes. I don't say a word as he wipes his lips with his thumb, Glenn smirking over at us.

I watch him walk down the stairs and climb in the truck, Glenn waving at Maggie from the passenger side window.

The day goes by, Rick and Hershel making plans to leave the lookout as soon as the weather turns. Rick was sure there was something more fortified out there, something we could actually call home.

"We need high walls, fences, anythang that can be used to keep those damn things out. I know it's out there Hershel, we just have to find it." Rick looks over at me as a small pain hits my back.

"Anything with high walls strong enough to keep out walkers is gonna be in more populated areas Rick, that's dangerous." Hershel reaches over to take my hand sitting me down beside him.

I grab my back, the pain getting worse. "It's okay … I'm good Hershel."

He waves Carol and Maggie over, his fingers going to my wrist. "You're in pain, your pulse is too fast and you've not been eating. We both know you're in labor; this baby has been getting ready for days. All that kicking is this little one moving into place."

"No … no, I know labor pains … this isn't labor Hershel." I place both hands on my back as another pain hits me.

Carol puts her hand on my shoulder, her smile making me wonder. "I had lots of back labor with Sophia, I thought it was just normal pains at first but then the real contractions hit. We're here for you Bobbi Jo, we'll get you through this."

This couldn't be happening, Daryl wasn't back yet and I was sure I was a few weeks from full term. Hershel sees my worry, placing an arm around my shoulder.

Maggie, you and Bethy get a space ready, put up a blanket for privacy. Lori, I need you to help Carol boil some water and get me the medical supplies we have. Rick, I will need more water than we have, so you'll need to make another run to the lake.

Everything was happening so fast, this was really happening. I was going to have our baby, here in this lookout. Beryl starts to cry for me as they take me to the back corner of the lookout, placing a blanket up as a curtain.

Carl takes her hand, taking her over to the building blocks Glenn had got for her on the last run. "Carl, you keep her busy while we help B.J. I need you to be a big boy, okay."

"I'm not a baby; I can take care of her." Carl scowls at his mother, his eyes dark and brooding.

After Maggie helps me out of my jeans, Hershel gives me a quick exam. "You're dilated. Your water should break soon."

I grip the blanket under me, the back pain now radiating towards my abdomen. "Hershel, I'm not ready. We don't have any clothes or diapers or …"

He smiles at me, kissing my forehead. "This baby has you, that's all it needs for now."

As another pain hits the night starts to fade to dawn, my water breaks and I know with or without my husband, I was about to bring our child into this god awful world.


	26. Intuition

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 26: Intuition

Glenn is yammering on about Maggie as I drive down the road, five walkers stammering out ahead of us. I weave the truck around them, clipping one as I hit the apron.

"We need to get in, find the shit on that list and get the fuck out. Got me, I ain't kiddin around." Glenn nods his head to me, his eyes lock on the road.

"I'll go look for the baby stuff, Maggie and Lori told me what to look for while you get any food you can find. Daryl, this place could be swarming with walkers." He checks the machete strapped to his hip as he slides his handgun in place.

"This ain't the Big Stop, we'll be alright." The morning sun was burning by fast, afternoon was going to fade into night and we had to be back on our way to the lookout by then.

When we pull up to the store front, I see the parking lot is empty all but a few cars. Glenn checks the store entrance, seeing some walkers rambling around inside. He holds up both hands, informing me at least ten of them are up front.

We slide up to the front glass, Glenn placing some of the raw deer meat at the door. He opens the door, letting the walkers pour out. As they enjoy their meal, we head to the back of the store. The back entrance was jarred open, the lock looked broken.

"It might be wiped clean." Glenn looks over at me with his machete raised.

"Might not be." I gently push the door open, a walker waiting for us as soon as we walk in. I jab it in the eye with the bolt in my hand, Glenn squeezing past me and taking out the walker coming at us.

When hack, slash and smash our way through the few walkers in the store, Glenn slinging the brain matter from his machete as he heads down the baby aisle.

A walker comes crawling towards me, its legs gone. I take out my knife, ending its miserable existence. Making my way to the middle of the store, I take out the burlap bag in my jacket and start filling it with any can food or dry beans I find. The bag is half full when Glenn comes running up behind me, nearly out of breath.

"We got a shit ton of trouble coming our way. Those walkers at the front are done and are looking for more." He places his hands on his knees, his bloody blade in one hand, and a sack full of shit in the other.

I look at the sack and know it ain't nearly enough, but with the sound of the roaming walkers getting closer, I know we have to get out of the store.

Glenn takes the lead as we make it to the back of the store. I stop for a moment to grab a pack of smokes lying on the floor. Shoving them in my jacket, I close the door behind me.

When we finally make it to the truck, Glenn takes out a box and tosses it to me. I look at the words on the front and feel a heat crawl over my face. "Listen Glenn, you and Maggie might go at it like rabbits, but last time I checked … B.J. is pregnant."

"There for after the baby is born. You'll thank me later." He picks up the box of condoms and puts them in my jacket pocket.

A feeling as if something is wrong washes over me, settles in my gut and won't leave. I look out to the road ahead of me, seeing the sun starting to set. Glenn goes through my bag, pulling out a can of beans. "It's all I could find … maybe we can hit one more place before headin back."

"Wasn't there a Gas n' Go right before we leave the highway?" I remember that place, had gassed my bike up there a few times.

Seeing a gas truck sitting in the parking lot, I wonder if there was any gas on the tanker. I slowly pull the truck up next to the semi, Glenn looking in the cab. "The keys are still in it."

I climb out of the truck, looking at the hoses stuck in the ground. "Don't matter; he was dumping the load when the shit hit the fan."

Rummaging through the store, we find some canned meat, beef jerky and chips. I stuff them in a plastic bag, Glenn taking some candy as he runs by. I see two red gas cans sitting at the back of the store, blood and vomit trailing down towards them.

As I bend over to pick up the nearly full containers, a jawless walker comes out of the storage room. I'm jerking my knife free when Glenn's machete sails into the walker's skull. "Time to go."

Rhee was right, it was time to go. I run towards the truck when a herd of walkers starts pouring out from behind the gas station. Glenn jumps in the truck, starting it up. "Get in Daryl!"

I jump in, the door still open when Glenn peels out. The walkers grab at the door, almost pulling me out.

Kicking at the dead corpse pulling at me, I slam the door shut. I look down to the rotten severed fingers in my lap and quickly toss them out the window. Glenn lets out a yell, both of us feeling the adrenaline pumping through our veins.

The sun was setting now and I was sure the feeling still gnawing at my gut wasn't good. "Pass me some of those chips … I'm starving."

Tossing him a bag, I open one for myself. As I'm chewing on the corn chips, the truck starts sputtering. "What the fuck?"

He eases the truck over to the side of the road, the engine knocking. "Keep yer eyes peeled Glenn."

Popping the hood, the engine was steaming up a storm. "Son of a bitch … this damn thing is overheated; radiator has a hole in it. We can't fix it here, gonna have to hoof it back to the lookout."

Slinging the crossbow over my shoulder; I take the gas cans in hand. Glenn looks like a pack mule as I toss my sack at him, watching as he lets out a huff. "You want me to carry all of this?"

"Can't shoot walkers with my hands full." I point to the crossbow over my shoulder, gripping the gas cans tight.

We walk till the sun starts to come over the hills; Glenn looking like he'd ran a marathon. My feet were screaming but I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was way wrong.

"Hey Glenn, we can take a rest." We stop at a burnt out house, Glenn drinking the last of his water from the canteen.

"You worried about B.J.?" He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Nah." I lie to him; my thoughts had been with her since we left the store.

"I worry about Maggie and the others every time we leave. I worry one day we won't come back or they'll all be dead when we do come back." I didn't want to tell him I had the same fears, that I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach right now.

Climbing back to my feet, I pick up the gas cans and nod back towards the winding dirt road. "Just a few more miles."

"We've been gone all night, do you think they're worried. I mean, you did tell Bobbi Jo we'd be back by dark." I watch him try to walk up the hill with his load, making me smirk.

"More walking, less chattin." I motion for him to walk on, feeling my calves burning.

Rounding the bend to the lookout I hear the sound of growling, instantly dropping my load. Glenn does the same, the two of us going on the defense.

"Psst … Daryl." Glenn softly whispers to me, pointing at the edge of the forest. I place my finger to my lips as I crouch and slowly make my way towards the lone walker.

When I get to the tree line, the morning sun is starting to shine through the trees. I squint my eyes, not sure I'm really seeing what I'm seeing. Before me is a walker limping deeper in the woods, long flowing red hair and a gold ring on her finger.

"Bobbi Jo?" I call out to the corpse, making it turn to look at me. Was I too late, had I been gone too long and the lookout had been attacked. My heart sinks in my chest as the walker turns, my finger relaxing on the trigger of my crossbow.

It's as if my vision blurs, tears were forming in my eyes as the walker looks at me. The face looking back at me wasn't my Bobbi Jo; it was just some random redhead.

I quickly lift the crossbow, sending a bolt through her head. If it had been my B.J., could I have ended her, could I have killed her as easily as I did this nameless woman before me? I wasn't sure, my head tells me yes, but my heart tells me no.

Walking back towards Glenn, he's wiping his machete on his pants. "We're seeing more and more this way every week. We may have to leave the lookout before spring comes."

I nod to him, placing my bolt back on the crossbow. Loading our haul back up, we make the last mile in no time. T-Dog is keeping watch on the catwalk, his hand pounding on the front door. "They're back!"

Rick, Hershel and Maggie come running out, Maggie descending the steps as if she's got wings on her feet.

I smirk at Glenn as she nearly knocks him down, their arms and lips tangling in a heated mess.

Rick pats me on the back, picking up one of the bags. "You need to get up there."

I'm not sure if I should be worried or not, Rick has the usual haggard look on his face. I look over at Hershel, looking for any sign of what may have happened while I was gone.

Hershel nods towards the stairs, patting me on the back as well.

My mind races with all the possibilities, Carol walking out on the catwalk with Beryl. I run to the stairs, seeing tears in Carol's eyes as I reach the catwalk. "B.J.?"

Carol nods her head, tears flowing down her face. "Bobbi Jo!"

I begin to scream as I rip the front door open, Lori stopping me with her hand on my chest. "Daryl, calm down. She's over behind the blanket, sleeping."

Taking a deep breath, I walk over to the blanket and pull it back. "Sweetheart, are you awake."

The most beautiful blue eyes smile back at me as she looks up from the nursing child in her arms.

I fall to my knees beside her, tears now in my eyes. "When?"

Her hand strokes my cheek tenderly, the baby looking so tiny in her arms. "Early this morning. My labor started not long after you left. I wish you could have been here, but Carol, Lori, Maggie and Hershel took real good care of us."

She pulls the baby from her breast, wrapping it up tight. I look down at the most angelic face, the small baby wrinkling its nose. "Boy or girl?"

I take the baby, holding it to my chest as I watch Bobbi Jo move from the makeshift hospital bed. "Boy. What should we name him?"

Looking up from my son, I see Beryl walking in. "Daddy … I has a bruther."

Sitting back on my heels, I reach one hand out to her and hold both my children close to me. "What should we call him sweet pea?"

She twists her head from side to side, laughing as she kisses his forehead. "Dilly."

I look up to my beauty, her smile warming my heart. "Dylan … I like it. So husband, how about it? Dylan Dixon?"

Kissing my son on his tiny face, I close my eyes and thank the lord for my beautiful family and keeping my girls safe. "Dylan it is sweetheart."


	27. Signs

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 27: Signs

Walking and rocking my newborn son in my arms, I look over at group as they settle in for the night. Rick walks over to me, holding his hands out. "Can I hold him?"

I hand Dylan to him, my arms suddenly feeling empty. "He's so tiny but Hershel says he's about eight pounds."

"She did so good Daryl, she's a real trooper. All she was worried about was you not being here, I think that distracted her from the pain. Maybe you not being here was a good thang." He pulls the blanket off of Dylan's face, letting his arms wave free.

We stand there in silence for a bit, Carl asking to hold him next. Rick squats down beside him, giving me a wink. "Hold his head and his back."

"I wonder if I'll have a brother or a sister." Carl was so excited, but from the look on Rick's face he didn't want to talk about that subject.

"Daryl?" Bobbi Jo calls out to me, letting me know she wanted our baby back.

I take him from Carl, pulling him into my chest. Walking back over to the blanket curtain, I pull it back to see her face smeared with tears.

Laying Dylan in her arms, I sit on the edge of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"I heard what they said, that our baby is just walker bait." She wipes her tears, letting him nurse again.

"Who the fuck said that shit, tell me who?" I feel my hands ball into fists so tight my knuckles turn white.

She strokes Dylan's tiny head, Beryl sleeping so angelically by her feet. Bobbi Jo leans towards me, her words in a near silent whisper. "Carol … and Lori."

Bobbi Jo softly asks for me to come back as I walk out. Carol is out on the catwalk with T-Dog, Lori sound asleep by the wood stove.

I open the door, T turning around to look at me. "Hey man, Rick said me and Glenn could cover your watch, you got a new baby to look after."

"T … I need a minute with Carol." T-Dog looks at Carol, her head nodding yes.

"Daryl, before you say anything, it was my pleasure to help Bobbi Jo bring Dylan into the world." She smiles at me, unaware I'm about to rip into her.

"Why would you say that … say our baby is walker bait?" My face is tight, the muscles in my jaw rippling.

"I … uh … well … you see …" Carol backs towards the door, tears forming in her eyes.

I place my hand on the door, leaning in towards her. "So you did say it. Why?"

The fear in her eyes causes me to back down, I could see she was thinking of Ed and every time he had threatened or beat her.

Hanging her head, she lets her tears fall. "Lori said every time that baby cries every walker in a ten mile radius will be on us. That Rick had to find us real shelter before her baby came. I only agreed with her because, it's the truth. A new born cries Daryl, they can't control it."

With my finger in her face, I begin to yell. "Mind yer own damn business, got me."

Pulling the door open, I walk around her and straight towards Rick. He looks up at me from the gun pulled apart on the table. "You and Carol have words?"

"Tell yer wife that my baby ain't no walker bait. She might want to figure out who the daddy of her kid is before she starts mouthing off about mine." Rick rises to his feet, his eyes burning back at me.

"Wait a minute Daryl …" Lori wakes up, her eyes showing her anger.

Rick casts his eyes towards Lori, shaking his head. "Daryl, whatever was said I'm sure we can work through it. Nobody thinks yer baby is walker bait."

I feel my anger boiling to the brim when a tiny hand slides into mine. "Daddy, come read to me."

Looking down at my copper topped baby girl, I pick her up in my arms. She rests her head on my shoulder, her big blue eyes drinking me in. "Okay sweet pea, which book?"

The lookout calms down as I walk back to my family, B.J. asleep with Dylan resting on her chest. I sit Beryl down, letting her get me the book.

After pulling my shoes off, I crawl in the bed with her. She curls up in my lap, watching as I turn the pages. "In a bright green room, there was a telephone …"

I hear the light snoring of my little angel before I even finish the first page. Placing the book down beside her, I hold her tight and I lay down beside my wife and new son.

"Daryl … you want some breakfast." I look up through one eye at Maggie as she holds a plate of food towards me. Looking around, I'm in the bed alone.

"Thanks … where's B.J.?" The powdered eggs and fried canned meat tasted so good, my fingers shoving it in.

Maggie moves slightly, letting me see Bobbi Jo sitting at the table with Dylan in her arms. "Can we talk?"

She sits down before I have a chance to say no. I push myself towards the edge of the mattress, just inches away from her. "Shoot."

"Dad didn't want to say anythang, but the baby … he barely cried when he was born and …" She leans in closer to me, her eyes dancing around the room. "He has a birthmark on his shoulder that looks like her bite."

I hand the plate back to her, waving for Bobbi Jo to come to me. Maggie excuses herself, smiling at my wife as she sits down.

Taking Dylan from her, I unwrap his blanket and look him over. B.J. stares at me, watching my movements intently. "What are you doing?"

Holding the baby in one hand, I see exactly what Maggie is talking about. Bobbi Jo looks at me, quickly covering him up. "What did Hershel say?"

"He said that it's a birthmark … nothing more." Her hands move quickly, taking the baby from me. I knew if I was going to get the truth, I'd have to ask Hershel myself.

I kiss my wife, holding her face in my hands. "I love you."

Turning from her, I go outside to find Hershel. Glenn is keeping watch, he's walking the catwalk with the shotgun in his arms. "Seen Hershel?"

He points down the stairs, next to the SUV. Hershel and Rick have the tailgate down, a map spread out.

"Daryl … I was about to send Glenn for you. We're thinking about scouting out the area. We've been here a few months, we need to know what's close." Rick points to the map, Hershel looking over at me.

"Sounds good. Can I talk to Hershel first?" Rick nods, walking back towards the stairs.

Hershel leans against the SUV, his now bearded cheeks smiling back at me. "I know what you want. Your son is special; I think the mark on him is a sign that he's immune. She was pregnant when she got bit Daryl and the disease would have passed on to him."

I feel the air leave my lungs, my knees feel weak. I sit down on the tailgate, looking up at him in disbelief. "Are ya tellin me she's not immune, the baby is?"

"I'm tellin you he's special and Beryl could be too." He pushes something in my hand as he walks off, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Looking down at my hand, I see a compass, the needle broken. I rush over to him, wondering why he gave me a broken compass. I hold it out to him, shaking it. "Why did you give me this?"

"To let you know, you don't have to look for your true path when your heart points north already. Stop trying to find the reasons why Daryl and except they just are. If your wife and children are immune from this it doesn't mean they can't be riped apart or die, just be thankful you have them and they won't have to suffer this plague when they do pass." He takes the compass from me, putting it in my jacket pocket.

I stand at the foot of the stairs, my jaw slack. "I'll be damned, the old man is right."

Rick asks me to go on a water run with him, tossing a bucket my way. I look up at Glenn when he whistles, tossing my crossbow down to me.

We walk in silence for a while, Rick looking over at me a few times. When we get to the lake, I walk down to the water's edge. Rick keeps watch at the bank, waiting for me to get my bucket full.

"I talked to Lori about what B.J. overheard … I'm sorry about that." I start walking back up, the bucket weighing me down on one side.

"It's good." I take the second empty bucket, reaching down to fill it.

"No, she was wrong. I think she's just worried about Carl, worried we won't make it to a safer place to have her baby." With the second bucket, I look up at him.

I only nod back at him as we start the trip back, Rick understanding the storm had blown over. What stuck out to me was he said her baby, not our baby. Things weren't any better between Rick and Lori, they were only getting worse.

We're almost back to the lookout when I smell fire, see embers floating in the air. Putting the bucket down, I walk out towards the floating ash, Rick right on my heels.

"Daryl?" Rick stops behind me, both of us feeling the heat before we see the flames.

"Fuck!" I turn back to Rick, both of us hightailing it back to the lookout.

I feel the heat on my back as we run, Rick screaming for me to run ahead. I wasn't sure about leaving him, but I knew it was only a matter of time before the fire got to our family.

Rick runs back towards the lake as my feet push me closer to the wooden structure in the sky. "Glenn!" I scream out, trying to get everyone's attention.

Glenn looks back at me, everyone already packing up. When I make it to the stairs, T asks where Rick is. Lori's eyes go wide, waiting on my answer.

"He's at the lake." Glenn screams from the lookout that Rick is waving back at him.

I help pack up our belongings, Bobbi Jo still too weak to walk. Carrying her down, I place her in the SUV. "Daryl … don't go."

"I have to sweetheart, but I'll be close." Grabbing Carol I look at her. "Watch her, okay." She smiles and nods, squeezing my hand.

Maggie packs up the hatchback, tossing Glenn the keys. T starts the SUV, as I climb on my bike. Beryl presses her face up against the back glass, tears flowing down her face.

I pull my bike out, heading for the lake. Pulling around the bend, I feel the heat blast at me, the cars behind me kicking dirt as they make the curve.

Rick is waiting for me when I pull up, pointing to a cabin just across the lake. "We can try to make it over there, just as long as the fire doesn't jump."

He jumps on the back of my bike as I lead the convoy towards the cabin. The heat makes it feel more like summer than winter, the ash getting thicker.

Rick hands me a damped bandanna, as I stop long enough to tie it around my mouth.

The sound of crackling wood and falling timbers gains my attention as we drive away from the mountain and out towards the lakeside cabin. I wasn't sure we'd be safe there, but it was better than staying here where we would either burn to death or die from smoke inhalation.

When we make it to the bottom of the mountain, I stop the bike. Looking back, we watch as the fire engulfs the lookout. Rick climbs off, looking back at his family sitting in the SUV. "We got to get to that cabin before night…let's go."

He climbs in the SUV beside T, Lori rubbing his shoulders. I wink at B.J., her pale face and small smile letting me know she needs to rest.

As we drive out towards the cabin, I can feel the truth in Hershel's words. I needed to treat each day with my family as if it was my last, someday it just might be.


	28. Making the Best of Things

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 28: Making the Best of Things

The cabin was tiny, but at least it was shelter for the night. The fire raged on as it got closer to the lake. Rick and Daryl pace the porch, telling us to be ready to run if the fire jumped.

I wasn't in any condition to run, I could barely walk. Having Dylan had taken a toll on me, Hershel told me I ripped in a few places and lost some blood. The dizzy spells I'd have every time I'd stand was evidence I need to rest.

We make it till morning before Rick has us pack up again; the fire had managed to gain the attention of a few dozen walkers. We load up in our vehicles again, Daryl freezing his ass off on his bike.

With a slushy snow on the ground and a thick layer of smoke blanketing the air, we make our way from the lake and out to the open highway again. Rick looks over at Lori, her hand resting on her baby bump.

"We'll find something before night comes, I know it." Lori looks over her shoulder at me, Dylan sleeping in my arms. I tuck Beryl under my arm and gaze out the window.

All I wanted was some place to raise my babies where I didn't have to worry about them being taken from me. This new world, this new life wasn't what I had in mind when I married Daryl and we had Beryl. I would gladly take a shack in the woods with my little family to be rid of this nightmare all around us.

Morning passes by as we turn onto a small county road. Daryl waves for Rick to follow him, the road leading to a gated fence. Rick stops the SUV, Glenn pulling the hatchback up beside him. "What is it?"

Glenn pokes his head out the window, looking up at Rick. I open the back door of the SUV, telling Beryl to stay put. She juts out her lip, lying back on the seat. "I'll watch her B.J." Carol places her hand on Beryl's head, giving me a small smile.

T-Dog, Hershel, Glenn, Daryl and Rick all gather up in a circle as I stand by the passenger door next to Lori. "Can you tell what they're saying?"

"No, but I know this place." I take a step towards the gate, my knees feeling as if they're going to give out on me.

"Bobbi Jo … get back in the truck." Daryl snaps at me, but I ignore him.

Walking over to the gate, I can see a large wooden sign just on the other side, the symbol of two hands holding a heart resting under the wooden letters that spell out hope.

Daryl walks over to me, taking the baby. "Sit." He points to the bike and I do as I'm told.

Looking at the fence, I can't shake the feeling I know this place, seen it before.

I see a fallen log by the main gate and it hits me. Looking over at Rick, I give him a big smile and tell him to check for a hollow space inside the log.

He squats down, feeling along the bark till his fingers pries open a secret compartment. "How did you know these keys would be in there?"

"This is a summer camp for special needs children, I helped out here one summer and Dad used to bring our horses up here for the kids to ride." Daryl looks at me while he rubs his chin.

"Yeah, I remember ... Camp Hope. You tried to get me to help ya. This place is pretty big. I bet it's been looted by now." He walks over, pulling at the chain and lock around the gate.

"We'll never know till we go in." Rick tries a few keys, finally unlocking the chain.

We drive up to the parent's greeting area, the camp looking so calm and peaceful. Lori looks back at me, both of us hoping this isn't too good to be true.

Rick, Daryl and Glenn start to search the different buildings, Maggie and T-Dog standing watch over the rest of us.

Every time they go into a new building, I hold my breath until they come back out. I was tired and I needed to rest, but the most important thing to me at the moment was making sure my husband returned to me.

After a thorough search of the major buildings at the front of the camp, they come back to give us their report.

Daryl leans against the SUV, his crossbow clutched in his hands. "Looks like ain't nobody been here, not even walkers. Don't know what we got, but it's better than nothin."

We pass a meeting hall and mess hall on our way to the counselor station and rooms. The hotel like rooms were side by side, each one marked with a letter on the door.

Each of us take a room; the small quarters were better than the open room at lookout ever was.

Rick, Lori and Carl take the first room, leaving Maggie and Glenn to a room, Hershel and Beth, Daryl with me and our babies and Carol and T-Dog taking a room by themselves.

With six rooms taken it leaves a few rooms unoccupied, Rick wanting to use them for storage.

With what few belongings we have put away in our new rooms, we make our way to the meeting hall. The large round room had a stage in the middle with bench seats and couches scattered about. There were books and art supplies along the walls, along with wheelchairs and crutches.

Maggie and Beth decide to go over to the mess hall to see what food is left, Glenn going around back to check for propane tanks or generators.

Carol and T-Dog go off together; T had noticed a hot house when we pulled up.

Hershel sits down beside me on one of the couches, taking my pulse. "You need to rest. Let me watch the babies for you while you take a nap."

He takes Dylan from me as Beryl crawls up beside him. I don't refuse; sleep had been pulling at my eyelids all day.

Sleep consumes me as soon as I lay down on the couch, my body giving in to the soft cushions under me.

I'm woken with a soft kiss on my lips, Daryl's deep blue eyes looking back at me. "The baby needs feedin, darlin."

I rub the sleep from my eyes, the sun starting to cast shadows across the hardwood floor. Reaching out for Dylan, I take him and pull my breast free from my shirt to feed my now crying child.

Daryl quickly covers me up, Rick and Glenn standing in the room unnoticed by me.

"As soon as yer done, meet us in the mess hall ... Maggie, Carol and Beth have dinner ready." Rick smiles softly back at me, Glenn's eyes still cast downward.

Daryl sits down beside me, Beryl in his lap. "This place is gonna be good, I can feel it. There's a medical building with all sorts of medicine. Most of the food is canned or dried so we got that. The freezer was down so all the meat was ruined ... we have to clean that out later. Glenn found some bio-diesel for the generators in a shed and there's enough propane to last through winter."

I look up into his eyes, a glimmer of hope sparkling in them. I feel my tears burn my eyes as they spring forth. "Daryl ... I want this to be a good place, but I don't think we'll ever be happy or safe again."

He wraps a big strong arm around me as he kisses the side of my head. "Where you and the kids are is a good place to me."

The mess hall smelled amazing and was surprisingly warm. I look over to the main wall to see a fireplace with a crackling fire inside.

"A fire ... in a summer camp?" My eyebrows lift as I look at Daryl.

"Maggie said they use to have campfires inside for the kids that couldn't go out." Daryl points to the long sticks in the corner and I realize it was a s'mores pit.

The atmosphere of everyone gathered at one long table, eating and chatting reminds me of holidays back on the farm. Hershel and Rick go over plans to start planting crops in the spring as T-Dog and Daryl go over ways to fortify the fence around the camp.

Beryl eats till her stomach is full and she quickly falls asleep, resting her head in her father's lap.

I offer to help clean up, but Hershel orders me to my room for more rest. Daryl carries Beryl as I hold Dylan, opening the door marked B.

Daryl had pushed two twin beds together, making a bed for Dylan and Beryl next to ours out of a mattress and storage crate. The makeshift crib would have to do until they could get one, maybe a playpen of some sort.

I kiss my husband softly, our kisses gentle at first, but quickly turning heated. I pull back to catch my breath, Daryl's fingers twisted into my hair.

"God, yer beautiful." He whispers to me in the darkness. I feel my smile creep slowly across my face as I kiss him again, my tongue twisting playfully in his mouth.

"When Hershel says I'm better, I will have my way with you." His grin widens across his face as he pulls me down into another kiss.

Before things get too carried away, Daryl rolls away from me, only to pull me to his chest. "We can be happy here B.J., I want to believe that."

"I do too." I kiss the tattoo over his heart as I close my eyes and feel a real sense of peace for the first time in months.


	29. Spring

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 29: Spring

The winter had been hard, but we made it through. I was glad for the first warm breeze, for the first sprouts of flowers and greenery that bloomed on the trees. Dylan was going on three months now and Beryl was getting taller by the day.

Lori's baby bump was growing too, Carl so excited to be a big brother soon. The nightmare of Hershel's farm was put behind us and we looked forward to making the summer camp our new residents.

Daryl, Glenn and T-Dog had been on a few runs, bringing back clothes, canned food and baby supplies. Dylan finally had a playpen to sleep in and Beryl had taken up sleeping beside him. She had to be around her little brother, even taking on her role as big sister and protector already.

Walking out on the dock that reached over the lake, I watch as Maggie, Beth and Glenn enjoy a lazy day on the water. It was moments like this that make me feel we can have happiness again.

Rick walks up behind me, rubbing the top of Dylan's head. "You should join them, Lori can watch the kids."

"I'm good. Thanks for keepin us all together and keepin us safe." I turn to look at him, his blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

"Didn't do it alone. Daryl helps, more than he knows. B.J. you were raised on a farm, helped yer Dad. Do you think you could help Hershel with planting those seeds Glenn brought back; I know he'd like that." He gives me that classic Rick Grimes smile that you only get when he's having a good day.

"Sure thang ... where is he?" Rick points to the hot house, a large space designated for archery just on the other side.

Walking out towards Hershel, Daryl stops me. He takes Dylan from me, kissing the top of his son's head. "Got a few minutes fer yer husband?"

"Why? What did you have in mind?" I give him that devilish smile that makes him grin.

"Talked to Lori and she said she'd watch the kids. Beryl is already in the meetin hall playin with Carl." He leans in and kisses me so deep and passionately I know his need for me must be burning him alive.

"Take Dylan to Lori and meet me back in our room and Daryl ... hurry." I give him a wink as I walk off, my body burning with the same desire.

Opening the door to our little corner of the camp, I move some of the baby's toys out of the way. I pull the curtains together, letting the sunlight trickle in. My core was clenching with anticipation, it had been too long since I had my husband and I was going to make up for lost time.

As I undress, I feel the goosebumps rise over my flesh. The kisses and longing touches we had shared since Dylan had been born had only fueled my need to have my husband inside me, have him consume me and make me his again.

The door opens as I lie back on the bed, my nipples already hard and my walls clenching so hard I'm wet. Daryl looks at me, toeing off his boots and peeling off his vest.

"Damn Bobbi Jo, you mean to kill me gurl." As he unbuttons and pulls his shirt over his head, I rise from the bed and make quick work of his belt, unzipping his pants in one fluid motion.

Cupping his hard erection I feel him tense up, his hands twisting in my hair. "I want you so bad Dixon."

He pulls back from me, pushing his pants and boxers down all at once. His hard massive length springs out at me, his eyes burning with the darkest blue. "Are you sure?"

My hands take his as I pull him to the bed and on top of me. "Never been more sure."

His lips move hungrily over my body, his tongue worshiping and teasing my hard nipples. I arch my back, my fingers feeling the bunching muscles of his arms and shoulders.

My belly burns with the heat of want, that fire consumes me until I'm squirming under his ministrations. My apex throbs as he dips his head lower, placing small kisses over my belly and lavishing sultry licks to my navel.

"Daryl ..." I call out his name in a breathy moan, wanting his lips to pleasure the ache that coursed from my hot wet opening.

I hear him let out a moan as his hand slides from my side, down my thigh and over my wetness. "Are you ready ... ready for me."

He places two fingers inside me, my walls instantly clutching around the two long fingers thrusting in slowly.

"Oh God ... D-Dayrl." I can barely catch my breath as he kisses me, his fingers probing me, making me wetter by the second. I feel the fire in my belly burn over me, turning my want into this all-consuming lust.

"You are ready." He grins against my mouth, his tongue probing my mouth with the same delicious intensity of the two long fingers inside me.

"Fuck me Dixon!" I scream out, not caring who hears.

He pulls his fingers out, parting my thighs so he can settle between them. "I ain't gonna last long gurl ... let me do this for you."

I see the dark sapphire of his eyes twinkle with a glint of icy blue. I place my hands on his tight ass, his long thick member resting on my stomach.

"Daryl ... I need you ... now." I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him closer to me.

His smile only makes my core throb harder, my body tingles from head to toe. He kisses me hard and deep before sliding between my legs and his tongue begins to lick my wet folds.

I let out a growl, a deep chested moan as he finds my harden nub and takes it in his mouth. With his fingers back inside me, he teases, licks, and sucks me to a mind blowing orgasm.

With my body still soaring from the pleasure he had just give me, he slides his hard length in me. When he's in me to the hilt, he pauses and looks down at me. "You okay gurl?."

I dig my fingers into his shoulders, grinding my hips back at him. He picks up his hips, pulling out slowly only to push back in hard. We both let out a groan, our bodies joining together completely.

He strokes into my tight opening over and over until my wetness covers us both, his eyes slamming shut as I clench down over his engorged member hard. "Holy fuck B.J. ..."

He lets out a primal grunt as he begins to pound into me, making my climax cover me in a wave of heated bliss.

I feel him still, his hips resting hard against mine. As he pulls back slowly I feel each lush inch of him throbbing inside me, his on release on the verge of spilling over.

I hear someone knock on our door, Glenn's voice calling out to us. "Daryl ... Bobbi Jo ... Hershel needs help in the garden. You guys coming?"

Daryl buries his head in my neck and does just that, letting his orgasm spurt hot and thick inside me. "Dammit." He growls out between gritted teeth.

"We're ... coming." I manage to get out, Daryl's body still quivering above me.

I smile at him as I slide my underwear back on, his head shaking. "Fucking Rhee ... you wait. I'll get him back."

"Daryl ... should we use protection. I mean, we have two babies to care for already. Do you want a third?" He gives me a quick kiss, his hand resting on my face.

"I'll get some off of Glenn, he owes me." His dark eyes send a shiver down my spine. I knew he was far from done with me today.

I go to the meeting hall to collect my children while Glenn and Daryl go to help Hershel out. Lori looks at me, the pale blush on her cheeks letting me know my orgasm was still clinging to me.

"Somebody had a good time." She hands a stuffed bear to Dylan, Carol giggling beside her.

I plop down on the couch, my core still pulsing with the pleasure that Daryl had just given me.

"I needed that." I let out a sigh, my smile a little too wide.

Carol puts down the shirt she's mending and looks over at me. "I'm glad you two still have that, have each other. Don't let this world take that from you Bobbi Jo."

Raising my fingers to my swollen bottom lip, I shiver. "I won't, I can promise you that. Every stolen moment we can take I will do my best to cherish them."

The three of us sit in the meeting hall, gossiping and trading stories of old flames and great sex when Maggie walks in, a very sad look in her eyes.

"Bobbi Jo ... can I talk to you?" I look at my children playing just feet away from me, Carol nodding for me to go on.

I walk over to one of the art tables with Maggie, her hand shaking as she places it on my arm. "I found something, out by the fence, but I wanted to come get you before I tell anyone."

I take her hand and lead her outside. "What's going on Maggie?"

She pulls me back towards the nurses station, the small round wooden building nestled up against the fence and out towards the camper quarters.

When we get to the fence I see a little girl with long dirty blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a face I could never forget. "Joy."

The last time I saw Jack and Diane's little girl was the day the farm was overrun but a herd of walkers. They tucked their small family in Jack's truck and hauled ass.

Maggie looks back at me with tears in her eyes; the little girl looked nearly starved to death and dirty. "She was calling your name; I heard her and came over. She must have seen you."

I begin to climb the fence, Maggie following after me. Squatting down, I reach my hands out for Joy, her bare feet shuffling towards me.

"Bobbi Jo!" I hear Daryl yell out me from the other side of the fence, he and Rick running towards us.

Maggie staggers backwards as I turn to see what has her spooked, four walkers stumbling out of the woods and directly towards us.

I reach for my knife, but I had left it in our room, I was defenseless. Daryl lifts his crossbow, Rick his python as Maggie starts to climb back over the fence with me handing Joy up to her.

She takes her, the two of them making it to the other side safely. Daryl starts to climb the fence when the walkers get closer. I start climbing towards him, his hand stretched out towards me.

"Get your ass moving B.J.!" Daryl's words are mixed with anger and stress, his body leaning over the fence.

As I climb up I feel a hand jerking at my pant leg, trying to pull me from the fence. Rick grabs Daryl's legs holding him so he can lean a bit farther over the fence.

When I finally reach my husband's hands, he pulls as hard as he can and lifts me up towards him. I look back down to the walkers pushing against the fence, seeing two faces I once called family.

Jack and Diane look back at me with empty dead eyes, their flesh bloody and rotting. I crumble to the ground with Daryl, tears rolling fast and hot down my face.

Joy starts crying, Maggie cradling her in her arms. "Shh, it's okay sweetheart."

I knew looking back at the two familiar faces that nothing would ever be okay again.

Rick takes his knife from his hip and quickly dispatches the four walkers, before they can call more over to us. The bodies of my friends lay slumped on the metal fence, their true faces just memories to me now.


	30. Fear and Loathing

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 30: Fear and Loathing

Hershel wanted to look Joy over to make sure she wasn't infected. B.J. takes her little hand, walking off with Maggie and Carol to the Medical Station. Carol looked at Joy as if she was seeing Sophia again. I could only hope Joy would be alright and she could help Carol heal from losing her daughter.

Rick places his hand on my shoulder, Glenn and T-Dog staring back at me. "We need to know where she's been, who she was with and how her parents ended up like this."

I run my hand over my face, closing my eyes. "They had a little boy a year older than Beryl … his name is Daniel."

"Just go to talk to the little gurl, see if maybe B.J. can get some answers for us. Well bury her parents and burn the others. Daryl, we need answers." Rick gives me that stern cold look, like the one he wore the night the farm was lost.

I make my way to the medical station, Hershel putting bandages on Joy's wounds and the cuts on her bare feet. "Okay sweetheart, you can go with my daughter Maggie and my friend Carol, they'll get you something to eat."

Joy reaches over and clutches Bobbi Jo's shirt. "I want to stay with you."

B.J. kisses the top of her dirty head, tears falling from her eyes. "You don't have to leave me sweetheart."

I sit down on the exam table with her, pulling a piece of dry beef from my pocket for her. "Hey there half pint … remember me?"

She nods her head, chewing the jerky. "Yup, I remember you."

"Can I ask you some questions?" She scoots closer towards me as she pulls Bobbi Jo with her.

"Okay." She gives me a shy look, her blue eyes carrying a hurt and sadness that made me cringe inside.

"Can you tell me where you've been, who you were with?" Carol and Maggie look back at me, Carol furrowing her eyebrows.

Joy leans her head on my arm; her hand gripping Bobbi Jo's tight. "We stayed in the woods … campin. These bad people came, took our food. They hurt people, they hurt Mommy."

I closed my eyes, knowing exactly what she meant. "Joy, did you run after the bad people came?"

"Daddy took us and we left when it was dark. Daddy was hurt, his stomach was bleeding. I heard Mommy screaming and she told me to take Daniel and run." B.J. sits down beside me, picking Joy up in her lap.

"How did you find us half pint?" I give her another piece of jerky, her dirty little hand shaking as she takes it.

"One of the bad men found us. They took Daniel but I ran. I ran and ran and ran." She begins to cry, causing Carol and Maggie to give me very pissed off looks.

"That's enough Daryl." Carol holds her hands out to Joy, talking to her softly.

Joy looks up at B.J., wanting to know its okay to go with her. As they walk away, Hershel looks at me and Bobbi Jo, asking us to stay.

"That little girl has all the signs of someone that has been sexually abused. I didn't want to traumatize her even further but from the way she flinched and put her hands over her waist band when I was examining her, someone has raped that little girl." I felt bile rush in my mouth, a red hot anger burn in my belly. She was a fucking child, a little girl not much older than my Beryl. I needed to hurt someone or something and now.

I look at B.J. before I storm out of the room and straight towards Rick. I find him at the fence with Glenn, the two of them digging graves. After telling him what Hershel and Joy had told me, Rick wanted to go out looking for these fucking assholes and end them.

Carol tends to Joy all day, Beryl so excited to see her again. They play with Carl in the meeting hall, Joy finally looking like the sweet little girl I remember.

When night falls, Joy gets this wild eyed look on her face. "Daryl … Bobbi Jo … its dark."

Her little heart is practically beating out of her chest when I pick her up, her little arms wrapping around my neck. "You're safe Joy; we won't let anyone hurt you sweetheart."

"I don't like the dark." She cries into my neck, her entire body shaking. Bobby Jo takes Beryl by the hand as she balances Dylan on her hip. We go back to our room, my wife making Beryl's bed up for the girls.

When Dylan is fast asleep, I tuck Beryl and Joy into bed and kiss them both on the forehead. "We are right here and I'll leave the lantern on for you … okay?"

Joy nods her head, wrapping her arms around Beryl. My baby girl smiles at Joy, kissing her small cheek. "Good night Joy … good night Momma … Daddy … Dilly."

Bobbi Jo doesn't sleep well all night; I wake several times to find her staring at the girls sleeping beside us. I kiss her neck, wrapping my arms around her. "She's here and she's safe."

I feel her fingers lace into mine, her body settling back against me. "She hasn't been safe Daryl. Some bastard hurt her … they raped her. She's just a little gurl … why?"

I could hear her cry, her sobs rolling from her chest. "Rick and I are going to look for them tomorrow. When I find those sick assholes, I'm cutting their fuckin dicks off."

The night is near dawn when we're waken to the sound of Beryl screaming, her legs kicking as she holds her hands between her legs. Bobbi Jo jumps from the bed, pulling her to her chest. "Shh, its okay baby … I've got you."

"It hurts!" She screams over and over, Beryl crawling up in the bed with me as she looks at her mother and Joy with confusion.

The words and screams coming from Joy make my blood boil. I quickly put on my shirt and boots, grab my crossbow and go off to get Rick up.

Pounding on Rick's door, I notice the sun is barely up. Rick opens the door, sleep still on his face. "What the fuck Daryl?"

"I need to kill those sum'bitches. She has screamed and cried in her sleep, saying it hurts. I can't stay here knowing they're out there and could come here to hurt my little gurl." Rick places a hand on my shoulder, stepping out from his room.

"Let me get T and Glenn up to guard the camp then we'll head out." I chew on my bottom lip, ready to kill the first thing I see.

With a backpack over his shoulders, Rick checks his gun. "You ready?"

"Yup." I start walking off when I feel a hand take my wrist.

"Be careful out there today Dixon … and Daryl you best come back to me." Before I can protest, B.J.'s lips are on mine. The taste of mint collides with my tongue as she dips hers inside, licking sweetly at my bottom lip.

She gives me a coy little wink as she walks off, letting me know there's more where that came from.

We walk for most of the morning, my eyes following the small tracks left by Joy's tiny feet. A few times the tracks get mangled with walker tracks but I quickly pick them back up until I hear the voices of two maybe three men in the distance.

"Tell you what … the next camp we take I'll let you have first pick at the women. You need a good fuck Dan." I look at Rick as he places his fingers to his lips and motions for me to go around.

They continue to talk, the small camp consisting of sleeping bags and a fire. I count five sleeping bags and know Rick and I are outnumbered. Our best bet is to kill the three here and wait for the other two.

I can see Rick just behind a thicket of trees, the one tall guy talking to a short fat guy. A thin dark skinned guy walks my way, stopping by a tree to take a piss.

In a crouch, I make my way over to him and sink my hunting knife in the back of his skull. He jerks and thrashes as I ram the knife deeper, his hand still on his cock.

Rick makes his way around the tree, walking up to the short fat guy. "Hey, you guys seen a little blonde gurl?"

The tall guy smiles at Rick, showing off his rotting teeth. "You must me lost friend. You turn around and walk away now and we won't fuck you up."

Short round looks back at way too tall and nods to Rick's python on his hip. "Give me that fucking gun and you get to leave with your head."

I quietly creep up behind short round and put a bolt through his back. Too tall whips around as Rick grabs his wrist, pins him to the ground and holds him down.

"Were are the others?" Rick slowly gets out between clenched teeth.

"When Jonny and Adam get here you two fuckers are dead." He wiggles trying to get free as I pull my bolt from the fat man bleeding on the ground.

"Did you or did you not take a little boy and screw a little five year old gurl?" The man beneath Rick begins to laugh, his fingers wiggling as Rick applies more pressure.

"That little sweet thang got away … she was tight and sweet." I don't know what comes over me as I knock Rick off of him and sink my hunting knife into his back, his neck over and over until I'm covered in blood.

Rick places his hands over mine, taking my knife from me. We barely have time to calm down when we hear the voices of the other two men.

"Let me handle this." I watch as Rick puts on this mask of someone I don't recognize.

He talks to them, telling them he's out here alone and looking to join up with them. He walks them back to the camp when they see their dead friends and before they can pull their weapons from their hips he shoots them both dead.

"We got to go." I pick up the sleeping bags and supplies the men have laying around before Rick and I haul ass back to the summer camp.

Rick looks at me, telling me to stop at a creek nearby to clean up before we get back. He was right; I couldn't have the group seeing me like this. It was bad enough they knew we were going out to find these sick assholes, but it would be another if they saw us covered in their blood.

It's almost dusk when we get back, the lanterns shining in the mess hall windows. We stop by our rooms to store the supplies we took and put on fresh shirts. I'm feeling pretty good when I see Beth out by the meeting hall looking like she's been crying.

"Hey Greene, what's wrong?" She turns her face to me, her blue eyes large and redden.

"Daryl … Rick … thank God. They have Maggie, Bobbi Jo and Carol in there and they tied Glenn and Daddy up. T-Dog got me and Lori out and they went to find you two. They came in after you left … they have military jeeps and look rough. I took the kids to the medical station and locked them in." She hands me the key, her hand shaking.

Rick squats down, looking over the camp. "How many Beth?"

"Ten … maybe twelve and T-Dog said they are armed to the teeth." I nod to her, thanking her for keeping my babies safe.

We're about to go back to our rooms with three of them come out, all of them carrying AK 47's.

Rick points towards the Jeeps and Hummers parked out by the lake, the three of us making our way there.

"I got to get the kids." Rick nods his head as I give Beth my side arm.

As I weave between the buildings I hear the men talking about searching the other buildings, one heading towards the medical station.

Moving as quickly as I can, I get there before he does and unlock the door. Once inside, I find the kids. Carl has them behind a screen, using tongue compressors to play a game.

"Be very quiet but we have to go." I pick up Beryl and Carl holds Dylan as Joy holds to my hand.

We sneak out the back way and along the fence. I hear a commotion as I head towards the hot house, when a big explosion rocks the entire camp.

Looking out towards where I left Beth and Rick, I see the Jeeps and Hummers on fire, a big orange fire ball rising up towards the sky.


	31. Familiar Stranger

A/N: This Chapter is where my story takes a detour from the show. I hope you continue to enjoy it and please review.

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 31: Familiar Stranger

As I look out at the burning cars, I feel Beryl tug at my hand. Looking behind me, I see T-Dog and Lori walking our way. Lori has one of the rifles and T loaded with one of the automatics.

"Daryl ... where is everybody?" T looks back at me, obviously out of breath.

"Rick and Beth are over by the lake." I see the panic in Lori's eyes as she reaches out for Carl's hand.

"Get them out of here T and come back and help me." Lori looks at me as I hand her Dylan.

They head off towards the woods, around the section of fence that was being repaired.

I grab my crossbow, feeling for the handgun tucked in the back of my pants. As I slowly approach the burning cars, I see the figure of a man.

Raising my crossbow, I get him in my sights. With my finger on the trigger, I take a deep breath and get ready to fire. "Daryl no!"

I turn to see Rick running towards me, causing me to lower my weapon.

"Rick?" I look at him, the man on the other side of the burning Jeep walking towards us.

My eyes scan Rick's face for what could possibly make him yell out to me and give away my position.

Taking in a sharp breath, Rick looks at me as he points to the black man walking towards us.

"This is my friend Morgan ... the one I told you about." The man walks towards me, a rifle in his hand.

"Rick, we got to get moving. I only have two grenades left and those bastards will hurt your family to get back at us." Morgan looks at me, Beth right on his heels.

Rick feels me in on the plan as we make our way to the counselor rooms, Rick unlocking on of the storage rooms. He gets out some of the smaller propane tanks and the road flares. "Beth, I need you to get their attention away from the mess hall. Tape these flares to the tanks and toss them out towards the lake."

She nods, taking the tanks and flares with shaking hands. Morgan looks over at me, this wild and crazy look in his eyes. "You got a family?"

"Yeah, a little boy and gurl and they have my wife in there." Those words sink hard in my stomach.

"My boy ... Duane ... those assholes got him and I mean to get him back." I see the hurt and anger in his eyes, but something raw and primal was resting just behind that.

We make our way carefully towards the mess hall, two of the camo clad men lying dead at the burning Hummer. Rick holds up his hand as a big dude with a white buzz cut walks out, smoking a cigar.

"Listen, we don't want trouble. We only wanted your food and supplies. I took the boy because you weren't going to let us leave alive. So, you want your boy back, we can make a trade. Give us all your food, supplies and weapons and we'll let your people go. We aren't bad men, just hungry and tired." I can feel Morgan tense up beside me, his eyes locked on Sergeant Whitey.

He hands his rifle to Rick, tucking the hand grenades in his back pockets. With his hands up, Morgan walks out towards them; two more guys walk out with very impressive guns.

"Give me my boy and I'll let you live ... again." Morgan sounded like a man on a mission and all I could do was hope that mission wouldn't get my B.J. killed.

All of a sudden a loud explosion goes off by the lake, water splashing up on the dock.

Sergeant Whitey ducks down, screaming for his guys to get out here. Morgan waits till they are all out in the open, eight of them by my count, before he drops to his knees and starts rolling towards us as he toss one and then the other grenade.

I hear screaming and cursing, the sound of gunfire coming from just along the fence. Rick pops his head up for a minute and looks back at me smiling. "It's T-Dog and he's taking them out."

We grip our guns, my hand gun with only nine or ten shots left. Running towards the chaos, we fire through the smoke and blood.

I feel a bullet whiz by my ear, nicking the top of it. The pain barely registers as I keep shooting and keeping in mind my wife is still in the mess hall.

Beth comes towards us, one more propane bomb left. She screams for me and Rick to take cover when she lights the flare and tosses it.

Deafening ringing pounds in my head as I look over to Rick, his hands cupped over his ears. "Rick!"

I can't make out his words, his lips moving slower. "Go get our people!"

Beth and I rush into the mess hall, finding one guy still there with his gun pointed at Bobbi Jo's head. I tackle him, the two of us fighting over his gun.

I feel his fist make contact with my cheek, my eye stinging. My fingers search for my Buck knife as he uses the butt of the gun to choke me.

Pulling the knife from its sheath, I cut upward and feel his blood and guts hit me. The man above me goes limp, his eyes looking glazed over.

As I roll the dead man off of me, I see Beth untying everyone. B.J. looks over at me, her bottom lip cut and bleeding. "Are you okay?"

She gives me that wifely stare, her fingers rubbing her chafed wrists. "I'm good. Did you find the kids?"

"Lori has them ... they're safe. Come on, let's get out of here." With my arm around her waist, she leans her ginger head against me.

The sight before us is like a nightmare made real. Blood and body parts lay all over the place, some of the military men still screaming.

Glenn and Hershel take the guns lying on the ground and finish the ones that are still hanging on. I look around for Rick and Morgan, seeing him walking towards me with Sergeant Whitey all tied up.

Morgan and Rick walk him off towards the camper bunks, Glenn and Maggie dragging some of the bodies off.

With a burning pyre out by the lake, I help T-Dog toss the last body on the fire as the rest of the group cleans up.

It's dark when we finally get our camp back, Rick and Morgan coming to the meeting hall with bloody and bruised hands. Rick straddles one of the benches, waving for Morgan to sit.

"They left Duane back at their camp, just a few miles from here. Morgan and I are going to go get him in the morning, but I need y'all to stay put and keep watch. According to Sam they are part of a larger community. I don't want any more trouble, but we have to get Duane back. Daryl … you take over while I'm gone." I nod to him, his eyes locked on Carl.

Later that night, we eat our meal in silence. The only sound was the forks scraping against plates. B.J. reaches over taking my hand, smiling back at me with that angelic look that takes my breath.

Rick creases his eyebrows, turning his head towards the door. T-Dog and Glenn burst in the door, the both of them looking like they'd seen a ghost. "A herd is coming … we got to move!"

"Not again … Oh God no." Bobbi Jo starts crying, her arms wrapping tightly around Dylan.

We move like the wind to our room, tossing what we need in bags and boxes. Her tears fall quietly down her face as she straps Dylan to her chest. "Stay with Daddy and do not let go of his hand."

Beryl takes my hand, Joy looking up at me. "Do we got to leave?"

"Yes half pint we do." We walk out of our room, Carol waiting for us.

"I'll take care of her … promise." Joy looks up at me and I nod to her. She slowly walks towards Carol, giving her little hand to her.

We are packed up and ready to roll in a blink of an eye. "What about that guy … Sam?"

Morgan climbs in his truck, smiling at me. "He's gonna get what he deserves."

As we pull out of the summer camp we see the herd reach the fences, the ones at the medical station falling first.

Rick leads the way, the warm spring air hitting my face as we drive off from yet another home.

I see Beryl in the back of the SUV, her little hand waving at me. Pulling up beside the SUV, I tell Rick I'll scout ahead.

The road soon becomes congested, vehicles blocking our way. I see a little side road, driving on to it. I'm a few feet past the main road when I see a sign marking a dairy farm not too far away.

Riding back towards the group, Rick stops and waits for me. "There's a dairy farm not too far from here, it should be far enough away from the main road, but not too deep in the woods."

"Okay … what else do we got." Rick pulls out behind me, my heart hoping we don't have to run again anytime soon. The look on B.J.'s face was still playing over in my mind. She was so tired of the give and take that our lives had become.

The full moon is shining bright when we pull up to the dairy farm, the barns and farmhouse looking like it had seen better days.

Hershel gets out first, walking towards the house. "I know this place. It's the McCrery farm. This place hasn't been a real farm in years, the bank foreclosed on it a few years back."

He walks up the creaky old steps, Maggie and Glenn following him with their guns at the ready. We all wait outside, keeping an eye on the three barns around us.

Maggie comes back out, her smile telling us we have a place for the night. Morgan starts pacing, his eyes wilder than before. "I got to go get my boy. You can stay here, but I got to find Duane."

Bobbi Jo walks over to me, taking my hand in hers. Her fingers lace tight around mine, as her blue eyes burn back at me. "You are not leavin me … you're not."

Looking over at Rick, I can see this is important to him. "I have to help."

Rick rubs the beard on his cheek, looking down at the ground. "Wait till morning and we'll go find your son. You might get yourself killed out there alone."

"Fuck no, I ain't waitin." Morgan starts his truck back up, giving Rick one more pleading look.

"I'll go with him Rick, you need to get everyone settled in here." I have to twist my hand free from my wife, the look on her face nearly breaking my heart.

As I climb on my bike I hear Hershel scream, Maggie, Beth and Glenn rushing inside.


	32. The Waiting Game

Tattoos and Tears

Chapter 32: The Waiting Game

We all turned to the house when we heard Hershel's screams. Beth, Maggie and Glenn were already running inside. I hold Dylan closer to me and gather Joy and Beryl to my side as Daryl and Rick quickly follow.

It seems like hours pass before they come back out, Hershel braced between Rick and Daryl's bodies, his left leg bloody and ankle swollen.

"What happened?" Lori speaks up first, her arms hugging Carl to her.

Rick sits Hershel down on the porch step, cutting his pant leg off. "He fell through the living room floor. I think he'll be okay."

I tell Joy and Beryl to stay with Carol as I walk over to Rick and Daryl. "Let me look around, I think this old farmhouse may be rotting."

With Dylan strapped to my chest, I walk around the house, but not without T-Dog as my escort. True enough the house had shifted off its foundation and the wood had signs of termites.

After telling Rick what I found, we decided to make the best of it in the dairy barns. Walking out with my children, I feel Daryl slide his hand in mine. I jerk away from him, knowing as soon as we were settled, he'd be leaving me, leaving his family to help a stranger.

My eyes squint for a second, my heart pounding in my chest when I see not only a dairy barn but a horse stable. Walking inside, I hear Rick call out to me, telling Daryl to go get me.

My husband rushes up behind me and I hear him take in a breath when he sees what I see. A small apartment like the tack room my father had, two bunk beds and a small twin bed up against the wall and a table with two chairs in the middle of the room.

I stand there looking at this little slice of heaven when Rick with Glenn and Hershel walk up. "You, Lori and the kids should stay here tonight and tend to Hershel's leg. He says it's not broken, but its cut and sprained."

Not a word is spoken as I lay my children down on the bed and start to breastfeed my son. Everyone starts to clean out the horse stalls and make up hay and blanket pallets to sleep on for the night.

Daryl sits on the bed next to me as he hands a plate of cut up canned ham to the kids. "You have to eat."

"I will. Don't you have to be leavin with Morgan?" My words come out all cold, his eyes looking down at his feet.

"Have it yer way B.J. but if it was Beryl out there you'd want someone to go with me." His words smack me hard in the face and my anger fades as if it was a puff of smoke.

Reaching my hand out to him, he takes it and kisses it softly. "Be careful and stay safe. I love you ... too damn much."

He leans down and kisses me, his fingertips barely grazing my cheek. "Right back at ya ... too damn much."

I fall asleep right before dawn, Lori and Carl sleeping on the top bunk bed, Hershel in the bottom and me and my three kids in the twin bed. I had one baby in my back, one at my front and one right on top of me.

I wake briefly as the sun wiggles through the cracks, Beth and Maggie coming in to check on Hershel. "Sorry Bobbi Jo … didn't mean to wake you."

I rise from the bed, Dylan's diaper soaked. "Its okay, got to change the baby anyway."

Beth walks over to me, taking Dylan. "I'll change him and watch the kids so you can get some sleep."

"You got enough lookin after yer daddy." I reach for Dylan, but she backs away smiling.

"Go ahead and sleep. I'll wake you when Daryl comes back." She waves for Beryl and Joy to join her, all of them sitting on the wooden floor.

Closing my eyes, I fall asleep quickly, but I don't sleep well. Nightmare after nightmare of Daryl and Morgan being ripped apart by walkers flashes so vividly in my mind. I spring upright in the bed, my hand over my mouth.

Maggie rushes over to me, her kind eyes looking me over. "You okay?"

Wiping the sweat from my brow, I take two deep breaths before answering her. "Yeah … just a bad dream."

I go over to Hershel and help her wrap his ankle again, Beth still awake and tending to my children.

I had slept till early morning, but I still felt tired when I woke. I pace the tack room floor, some of it with Dylan in my arms, but most of it watching the door for Daryl to come back.

Sitting at the table, I mindless rip at a burlap sack. My fingers twist around the material, my mind on every possible thing that could go wrong.

"You're gonna hurt yerself." Maggie takes the sack from me, Glenn walking towards us.

He shakes his head, his eyes set on Maggie's face. "No … not yet. Rick wants me to check out some storage buildings with him."

She takes his hand and I feel the urging to hold Daryl's so badly I think my chest will cave in.

Going over to the bed, I grab my handgun. "I'll go with you Glenn, I can't just sit here. Beth …" She looks over at me, nodding and smiling.

Glenn looks at Maggie as if for asking should I go. I go to the door, giving him a very cross look. "You coming or not Rhee?"

When we get to the stalls where the others are staying, Rick stops me. "You sure you want to go out there with Glenn?"

"Don't give me that Grimes … I know I got little ones that need their momma, but I need to clear my head." Rick creases his eyebrows, his face scrunching up.

He waves his hand towards the open door, stepping back. I could tell he didn't like my tone or the look I'm sure I gave him, but right now, not knowing if my husband was dead or alive was about to drive me crazy.

When we get to the storage buildings, I wait outside the first one as Glenn checks inside. "All clear."

We find the usual farming tools and empty milk containers. Glenn takes the small hand tools, smiling when he finds a hammer.

The second building is empty all but some rolls of plastic. Glenn looks over to me and I shrug my shoulders. The morning sun was set high now, making me wonder if they had got back yet.

"If you want to head back I'll check the last building." Glenn gives me that soothing smile of his but I shake my head, not wanting to leave him alone.

The last storage building was large, too large to be just a tool shed or someplace to horde up crap. I step up to the door and hear shuffling inside. Whispering, I wave at Glenn. "I hear something."

He rushes over to the only window, rubs the dirt away only to jump back when something hits the glass.

"Fuck!" Glenn looks over at me, his face showing the shock I felt.

"I'll open the door; you get ready to use that machete of yers." Lifting the latch, I slowly open the door, my heart hammering out of my chest when a chicken flies out.

Glenn and I both fall to the ground, laughing our asses off as chickens start to fill the bottom.

"I think this is a makeshift chicken coop." Glenn runs in and comes back out with a shirt tail full of eggs.

"I don't know about you, but some roasted chicken sounds pretty damn good." I give him a wide grin as I chase a hen down.

Glenn and I are grinning like the cat that ate the canary when we walk up to the group with fresh eggs and chicken.

I'm cleaning the chickens while Carol is making scrambled eggs for the kids. She smiles at me, tossing the eggs around in the only frying pan we have. "These smell so good."

Beryl and Joy are dancing around the fire, singing to each other. I tell them to be a little quieter, Dylan's little hands tugging at my shirt. "Okay … I'll feed you too."

Maggie takes over with the chickens as I feed Dylan, doing my best to cover myself as I do so.

Glenn's face goes bright red when he walks over to me, quickly turning his back. "Rick wants to talk to you."

I wink at him as I lift Dylan from my breast, adjusting my shirt back. "I swear Glenn, you act like you've never seen a naked tit before."

His face burns even redder, Dylan starting to cry because he wasn't done yet. "Tell Rick, he can come to me or wait till my son is fed."

Dylan is nearly asleep, still suckling when Rick walks over to. "Little feller has a big appetite."

"I want to say I'm sorry about earlier … it's just …" Rick grins, nearly laughing as he sits down beside me.

"Don't worry about it. Thank you for the chicken dinner, I know something even as small as this is good for everyone. I'm going out lookin for Morgan and Daryl … they should have been back by now." I see the worry in his eyes and try not to freak out.

"Do you think …" I can't make the words come out, my heart won't let me.

"You know Daryl better than anyone, what do you think?" I smile back at him, his hand rubbing my back.

I watch him walk away, carrying the burden and weight of our lives on his shoulders and see the real Rick Grimes, the one that takes all of our fears, our hopes and our prayers with him every day.

The day lingers on as Rick gets ready to go looking for Morgan and Daryl, the waiting becomes damn near torturous and I'm on the verge of losing it when I see Morgan walking up the road, with a boy with has to be his Duane.

"Rick!" I scream out to the group, my scream jostling my sleeping baby awake.

Rick runs out to greet Morgan, the two men smiling and hugging. My eyes scan for Daryl for any sign of him or his motorcycle.

Morgan, Rick and Duane walk our way, Rick asking Carol to make them a plate. I look over at them, tears now rolling down my face.

"We got swarmed; the camp that Duane was in was being attacked by a small herd of walkers. Daryl told me to get Duane and run so I did." I grip Dylan tight as I feel my knees buckle. Rick barely catches me, my world crumbling around me.

"Bobbi Jo … you got to stay strong." Rick's words barely register to me as I feel this heat cover me, burning me alive from the inside.

"Daddy!" Beryl comes running out past me, Beth and Maggie both chasing after her. I watch her auburn curls bounce as she runs to the small country road, the sound of a loud motorcycle echoing back at us.

Rick takes Dylan from me, nodding his head for me to go get my man. I kiss him on the cheek before I run out to where my baby girl is standing.

Picking Beryl up, I wait for the sight my heart needed to see so badly. Daryl on his motorcycle, the spring wind blowing around him as he pulls up to the barns. "Hey beautiful."

He was covered in blood and muck, but I didn't care, he never looked better to me. With my one free arm, I hug him to me. "I love you."

Wrapping his arms around my waist, I can hear Beryl giggling. "Daddy … you needs a bath."

He gives me a too brief kiss before taking Beryl from me. "Oh yeah." He kisses her cheeks over and over, making her giggle harder.

"What happened?" I ask him as Rick and the others walk up to us.

"Long story I'll tell ya later … right now I just want something to eat and to be with my wife." Daryl tosses his arm over my shoulders, kissing my temple.

After he washes up, I roast the last of the chicken for him. He smiles over at me, Joy running up to him with an egg in each hand. "Look Daryl … me and Bethy got more eggs."

With Beryl on one knee and Joy on the other I look back at my man as my heart does a flip. This little family we have, this was what we're fighting for and come hell or high water I am going to help Rick get it for all of us.


	33. Hope

Tattoo and Tears

Chapter 33: Hope

We run from place to place until late summer, always running and never taking more than a moment to rest. Rick was certain we'd find a place to call home soon, a place that would keep out the dead and the living.

Bobbi Jo had her hands full with Beryl, Joy and Dylan, and I felt so awful for not pulling my weight as their father, but I had things to do to keep us all safe.

Lori is ready to pop when we find this small house in the middle of nowhere, taking yet another smaller breather. I find an owl upstairs and decide it's better than nothing. Rick looks as tired as I feel, but he never lets it show, always on his guard and always ready to run again.

Walkers start to surround the house as we take off again, driving off till we find this small stream and some railroad tracks. I tell B.J. I'm going off to find some food with Rick and she gives me a kiss, her touch always letting me know we're okay.

Rick and I are walking the tracks when we spot this prison across the stream, high walls and high fences. I see this look in his eyes, a look that hadn't been there in a very long time.

We both agree we could clear the yard of the walkers and maybe try to take the prison the next day. I see the walkers caged in behind the fences and wonder if we can really take out that many with just the few people we have.

After telling the group, we decide to do this. Maggie, Glenn, T-Dog, Rick and me grab our weapons and go in. The others lead the walkers to the fence, stabbing them through the head. Bobbi Jo keeps the kids with her, keeping her hunting knife at the ready.

It's a bloody battle of walking corpses, some of them wearing riot gear. We manage to get the gates locked up, keeping the other walkers cut off from the area we just cleared.

That night, we make a camp on the grassy yard of the prison. I got up to an overturned bus to take guard watch, Carol coming up to bring me some food. She looks over at B.J. playing with the kids by the fire, Hershel's youngest singing something.

Carol and I had formed this friendship over the many months of running and she and B.J. were like sisters. I took her kidding and joking from time to time in stride and tonight was no different.

She says something about if Bobbi Jo didn't mind, we could fool around. I roll my eyes at her as I rub her shoulders. I knew she was teasing but I had to make sure she understood, that wouldn't ever gonna happen. I play it off, but I give her a stern glare as she looks back at me.

We both look over to Bobbi Jo walking towards me and I smile at my girl. "Hey beautiful."

"Hey yerself husband." She waits at the bottom of the ladder for me, taking my hand in hers.

"So Carol ... did he blow you off or just turn all red?" I look back at Carol, she and my wife both giggling.

"You put her up to that ... didn't ya?" She nods her head, her smile too beautiful for me to be upset with her.

That night was the first night I can remember my ginger beauty sleeping so peacefully, as if she had found hope in the darkness.

The next day, we go in to clear the prison and I could tell she was beyond worried for me, worried for us all. She wanted to go in with me, but I told her someone had to be here with the kids.

Bobbi Jo kisses me hard, holding me to her a little too tight. "You know I love ya."

"Too damn much." She smiles back at me as I kiss her again, Rick calling for me.

The long evening of clearing the prison ends with finding prisoners held up in the cafeteria and Hershel getting bit. As soon as the walker took a hunk out of his calf, Rick takes him to the cafeteria and hacked his leg off.

We have to wait the night out, but Hershel is one tough som'bitch and pulls through. Bobbi Jo had worried for him all night, helping Maggie and Beth look after him.

Things at the prison seem good, we had strong walls, high fences and a place we could make a real home. We had to deal with the prisoners first, Rick not trusting them at all.

True enough, as we're clearing out part of the prison for the prisoners the one named Tomas tries to take out Rick. Rick sinks his machete in his skull, leaving the others just staring at us.

Morgan doesn't trust them either, but he talks Rick into giving them some provisions and leaving them to an empty cell block.

As we start to make the prison our home, Morgan tells Rick he wants to know more about the prisoners we are sharing a home with. I go with him to give them a talking to, finding only Axel and Oscar.

We look at each other, both of knowing our family isn't safe with the other asshole on the loose.

"Daryl, we got to find Andrew. I didn't like the look in that fuckers eyes, he means to kill us all." Morgan quickly pumps the shotgun in his hand, telling Oscar and Axel to stay put.

When we get to C block a siren goes off. We rush outside just in time to see walkers everywhere. I see Beth with Beryl and Hershel, safe behind a cage. "Where's Bobbi Jo?"

"She ran inside to get Dylan!" Beth screams back at me, my heart sinking.

At the end of the chaos, we with the help of Axel and Oscar we find Andrew in the generator room. Rick and him fight as Oscar and I hold the walkers off at the door.

With Morgan holding the door, I go over to help Rick and see Oscar holding his python. I'm about to sink my knife in him when he fires the gun, killing Andrew.

We all head back out to the courtyard to see Maggie walking out with bloody hands and a wiggling bundle. Carl looks lost, as if he'd been punched in the gut.

I see Bobbi Jo walking out with Dylan, blood on her hands too. "Maggie … take Dylan."

Maggie starts crying as she takes my son, Rick looking at Maggie as if he's about to scream. "Lori?"

Bobbi Jo walks over with the small babe in her arms, telling us Lori went into labor and didn't make it. Rick collapses on the ground, Carl looking at us with tears in his eyes.

Hershel tells me with Lori gone, we have to get some formula or that baby will starve. I look at Bobbi Jo, who by this time is breast feeding Rick's baby.

"I'm gonna get some formula, you good here till I get back?" She smiles up at me, holding the bloody baby to her milky white breast.

"Yeah, I'm good. I don't know if I got enough milk to feed her and Dylan, but I'll try." I kiss her softly before I go into get my shit.

When Maggie and I get back, I take Rick's baby girl from Beth and sway her in my arms. "Hey there Ass Kicker."

I feed her the bottle as Bobbi Jo walks over to me, her face a little paler than when I left her. "Rick's gone off the edge Daryl. He went to the tombs of the prison and Glenn said he nearly killed him when he went after him."

Dylan starts to cry and I ask Beth to make him a bottle too. "You need to rest, how many times have you fed these babies today?"

"Few times." She quickly answers me, but from the look on Carol's face she was worried for B.J. too.

After Rick is back from crazy town, we find out T-Dog had been bit and turned in the night. Carol had put him down, keeping the secret from us all. I knew she was getting tougher, but I'd never dreamed she could do that.

Morgan assesses our situation, deciding we need to go on a run for supplies. Seeing how we didn't have proper clothes for the new baby or my little ones, I knew he was right.

Glenn, Maggie and Morgan set out on a run, Duane and Carl helping me to secure the fences.

It's near dark when they get back, Morgan going on about some crazy ass redneck that tried to jump them. I look at him, part of me wondering if Merle was really alive.

Bobbi Jo takes my hand, her soft blue eyes soothing me. Glenn looks at me, his face full of anger and hate. "It was your asshat of a brother and he … he let his guys put their hands all over Maggie."

"Daryl … you can't go out there lookin for him. Yer place is with your family … here." I turn from her, knowing she was right, but Merle is family too, he's my brother.

"I got too …" She gives me that Ginger on fire stare as she walks up the stairs.

"Goddammit … you'd go out there riskin your life for Merle, go find him after what he just did to people that have your fuckin back every day. Fine Dixon … go on but know this … me and you we ain't never gonna be the same." Her angry tears fall down her face as I pick up my crossbow and walk out to the guard tower for the night.


End file.
